Heisman dance

I should have written this earlier, before the Jesus Lizard concert, before I was ready to sleep. I am not thinking about college football right now but I set myself a goal and I'm going to live up to this one. These are the guys I think should win the Heisman. The guys I would vote for. I don't have a lot to add this week. Maybe I will after Saturday' games? Nobody looked great to me in the last 7 days. The Cincinatti v. USF game already happened and Tony Pike got hurt. He didn't look like a front runner before that but if UC had won the game 34-17 with him back there the whole time? I would have put him up to #2. I've got a new #1 this week as much out of defiance as out of belief. I can't keep flogging for Jimmy Clausen when I don't expect him to hold it together for two more days. So here's the updated list of how I would vote if I could:

1) Terrence "Mt." Cody, DT, Alabama - Yeah, I sticking with this one. 'Bama is the best team in the country right now and it is, in large part, because of this big motherfucker. He's the best player in the country. I know all about Suh and Tebow and Colt McCoy. I've seen Jake Locker and Tony Pike. I know ESPN decided this week that Mark Ingram is "in the conversation" now. And I know some people are starting to talk more about the LBs and DBs behind Mt. Cody than they are talking about the big man. But I've watched 'Bama this year. I watched them last year. Everything they do great on defense is because this guy eats up the middle of the field. I'm sorry to fall into football cliche, but this guy effectively wipes out at least two blockers on every play he's in the game. He will not pile up sacks like USF's Defensive Ends but he doesn't need to. Everybody else gets to look awesome because they are running around unblocked for the Tide. I'm sticking with it. This is the best player in the country.

2) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - This is the best offensive player in the nation so far. But I'm expecting USC to destroy Notre Dame. Clausen will probably actually be OK. But he will also be a bit exposed. He might still be a contender afterwards. That makes me think I don't trust him as much as I should if I'm going to rank him #1.

3) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - Gay Jesus has not been fun to watch this year. I feel like it's cheating for him to beat Herschel Walker's TD record because of the extra games he's played and the inclusion of bowl statistics in career records now. But then I remember he's a fucking quarterback who averages more than 1 rushing TD per game and I think, "Maybe this is actually a lot more impressive than Walker." Understand that Herschel Walker is one of my favorite athletes of all time and I don't really love Tebow. I always liked watching Percy (still do) and just kind of accepted that Tebow is the star. I'm not as sold on that as I have been in the past. Percy is the best player to go through UF's program since Emmitt Smith. But Tebow has some kind of effect on his team that I've never seen before. It's like his teammates are trying to not let him down more than they're even playing for themselves. And Florida is really fucking good.

4) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - This running back, at the other FSU (even though they're really CSUF), is awesome. I wish more people would watch a Fresno game. He is worth it all by himself.

5) Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - This is a little bit of projection and a little bit of ignoring what anybody who doesn't watch Big East football has to say about Big East football. Watch some of the games in this conference when you have the chance. You'll have the chance because they (Big East teams) play all kinds of oddly scheduled national TV games. The Big East is probably legitimately the second best conference in the country, top-to-bottom. Better than the Big 12 and the Pac 10 and, most definitely, the Big 10. The ACC has only two good teams so just forget about them for now. Noel Devine pops off the screen like one of those stupid commercials for whatever "new" HD technology is in a certain TV or cable/satellite receiver. Devine looks like he's twice as fast as anybody on the field at all times. And the Big East is loaded with good athletes. Just wait 'til the Big East goes undefeated in bowl games this year. The thing I'm trying to get across here is that Noel Devine makes a lot of really great college players look like they're slow enough to start in the Big 10. And he's got moves. And he doesn't fumble. He's Warrick Dunn but faster. And Warrick Dunn was really fucking fast. I'm not bringing numbers into the discussion. My voting is based on what I see. Noel Devine is my favorite player in college football and will probably end up higher on this list as the year progresses.

Other names:

Todd Reesing, QB, Kansas - I meant to put him in the Top 5, I really did. You know who was the one I waffled over the most? Tebow. That's not logical because I have Tebow #3. But I don't like watching him play. I don't love watching Kansas play, either, but the Big 12 has (as I've previously mentioned) a tendency to run up the score as much as possible. So Reesing is involved in lots of fun/funny moments by virtue of his team passing constantly. But I can't bring myself to say Reesing is the better player. I don't believe in Reesing that much.

Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Ah, Jacory, where will this end up? I'd like to believe that you are Kenny Dorsey's black ghost. And that would mean a 1 loss team that gets jobbed out of the chance to play for a national title this year, your sophomore year. Does that mean a fight with the Gators on Bourbon Street before you guys blow the doors off the UF boys on the field? But I don't get quite that good of a feeling about this team. The Canes are the fastest team in the country overall (UF's offense is faster than Miami's offense) but they aren't quite dominating. Jacory threw 2 picks against obviously inferior opposition last week and I feel Whiplash when he says the offense is not running all that smoothly just yet. Jacory is the calm in the eye of the Hurricanes (drrr...) and they should get through to the bowls with only two losses. I remain optimistic that Jacory can mimic Dorsey's junior year and win a national title.

Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida - Fucking awesome.

Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - Sure, why not? He's pretty great but I stand by my assessment that he and Trent Richardson are interchangeable parts.

Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Soft tosser! He is going to end up winning the award, just watch, but it doesn't mean he's great. Eric Crouch won the award and he wasn't even good in college. He's not the best player on UT but all the great players on the team divide up the big plays so much that the QB ends up being involved in way more than anyone else. UT-Austin is absolutely loaded for Big 12 football. They're overrated, though, and will get rolled over by UF if that's the title game. Cincinnati, USC, Virginia Tech, and Alabama could hang with them, too.

That's all I'm doing. Fuck Jordan Shipley. Ryan Williams, Case Keenum, Golden Tate and Ndamukong Suh all deserved write-ups but it's 2 in the morning and I don't care that much.

College Football Week... 7? Preview (Oct. 17th + Surrounding)

This Tuesday football nonsense has to stop. Wednesday and Friday, too. Thursday? Keep it. But everything else needs to stop. The NCAA is a terrible organization that deserves every terrible thing that has ever been said/written/thought about it. Unfortunately, the worse you deserve the more you get. The NCAA is swimming in money. Screw 'em, they won't hire me. The Boise State game is going on right now. Obviously, I was going to pick Boise because I always do. I haven't written about Heisman hype yet this week. I haven't even really thought about the hype machine. I want to watch the game but I am frozen out by my schedule of recordings. Oh, well.

Last week I went 39-15 picking just winners. Just slightly better than the 37-15 I was the week before that. I refuse to do any real research, but I figure I'll start to remember things the more I do this little exercise. I feel burned by Georgia and Auburn because I went out of the way to write about how bad they are and then I didn't pick against them. They both lost horribly. I'll have to remember that. I did say not to trust me with FSU picks and they went out and fucked up again. They've still got a place in my heart. Winners are purple, the line is no object. Winners only. I'm 76-30, so far. Here we go:

TUESDAY
Louisiana-Monroe 16, Arkansas State 10 - Obviously, I didn't pick this one.

WEDNESDAY
No. 5 Boise State at Tulsa - I'll take credit for this one next week. Why not? I am picking Boise until their bowl game. Besides, the game is not over yet.

THURSDAY
No. 8 Cincinnati at No. 21 South Florida - this is a tough, tough game. I think USF's defense is good enough to do it. But Cincinatti is damn good. Tony Pike is a contender for best QB in the game. I won't get to watch this game, but I'll be OK with that. Selvie for Heisman?

FRIDAY
Pittsburgh at Rutgers - The Big East is pretty good. They have a lot of really strong teams that I can't quite figure out because they aren't necessarily top 10 good. I think Pitt is a good team. I think Rutgers is not. Hope I'm right.

SATURDAY
No. 20 Oklahoma vs. No. 3 Texas* - I've been saying all year that Texas would wreck Oklahoma in this game. Nothing has changed from my point of view. Oklahoma should have 3 losses by the end of this game. And then they won't lose the rest of the year and will end up ranked #10 or something. And they will get rolled again in their bowl game. OU is the main argument for a playoff system in football. Well, the Big 10 is the main argument, but Oklahoma is next.
No. 7 Ohio State at Purdue - Ugh.
No. 11 Iowa at Wisconsin - I'm wishing more than guessing on this one. Get these guys (Iowa) out of here. They bother me.
Louisville at Connecticut - Corner turned for UL? I doubt it. Just assuming UConn is bad.
Northwestern at Michigan State
Delaware State at Michigan - Good thing we've got a 12 game season now. Who could stand to miss this game?
Wake Forest at Clemson - Clemson is not good. Wake beat UMd last week. ACC football is confusing.
Bowling Green at Ball State
Georgia at Vanderbilt - Biggest win of the year for Richt. Not because it will turn them around. This is the biggest win because Vandy is about as good a team as UGa can expect to beat.
Mississippi State at Middle Tennessee State
Army at Temple
Miami (OH) at Ohio
Wyoming at Air Force - Let down game. Assuming Air Force is the better team to begin with. They might not be, I couldn't be your source for that knowledge.
Nevada at Utah State
Arkansas at No. 1 Florida
No. 6 USC at No. 25 Notre Dame - I read Sarkisian's take on this and it sounded very much like he feels like UW got away with one against USC and got jobbed by Notre Dame. Or, more pertinently, that he expects USC to blow the doors off USC just like they do every year. Maybe Clausen can keep it a little close, but USC is much better overall than Notre Dame.
Minnesota at No. 14 Penn State
Texas Tech at No. 15 Nebraska - Suh won't win the Heisman. I don't think he'll be as good as expected in the league, either. But that's not based on observation so much as it is based on players like Steve Emtman.
No. 23 Houston at Tulane
California at UCLA - It would be just like UCLA to lose this game but my faith in Tedford is gone.
North Carolina State at Boston College
Rice at East Carolina
Marshall at West Virginia
Akron at Buffalo
Central Michigan at Western Michigan
Colorado State at No. 12 TCU
Virginia at Maryland - Friedgen should be able to game plan this new pro-set that UVa is using. But Maryland has some talent problems of their own.
Kent State at Eastern Michigan
Hawaii at Idaho - Idaho got written up by ESPN this week, so they should lose horribly here.
No. 4 Virginia Tech at No. 19 Georgia Tech - I can't shake the thought that both of these teams showed their true colors against Miami.
No. 18 Brigham Young at San Diego State - Marshall Faulk never won a Heisman. Ty Detmer got one. This is payback!
Stanford at Arizona - Harbaugh is turning Stanford into a decent program.
New Mexico State at Louisiana Tech - Karl Malone and his daughter disappointed me last week. Let's not make a habit of that.
No. 17 Kansas at Colorado - Todd Reesing, welcome to the Heisman race!
Baylor at Iowa State
Illinois at Indiana
Louisiana-Lafayette at Western Kentucky
UAB at Mississippi
Troy at Florida International
Texas A&M at Kansas State
Memphis at Southern Miss
Northern Illinois at Toledo
No. 9 Miami (FL) at UCF - UCF spent about 10 years on the cusp of becoming the 4th major program in the state of Florida. They might be better than FSU, finally, but it doesn't mean what it once did. Miami should be really great by the time they play USF at the end of the year. I hope both teams win out until that game.
Kentucky at Auburn - Auburn gets a bye week this week to focus on what went wrong against Arkansas.
No. 22 South Carolina at No. 2 Alabama - Don't bet on this being at all enjoyable. It should be similar to last week's Bama-Ole Miss game. I like Ingram getting some pub from ESPN this week but somebody has to notice eventually that the Tide wins because of their defense. And Mt. Cody is the key to the whole thing. Ingram is helpful, not integral.
Florida Atlantic at North Texas - Game of the week!
Navy at Southern Methodist - Go Middies!
Missouri at No. 16 Oklahoma State
No. 24 Utah at UNLV - Utah is trying hard to get in the position that Boise State now holds. It will take a few years but this is the team that rocked 'Bama last bowel season.
San Jose State at Fresno State - Ryan Mathews!
Washington at Arizona State - This game looks awful. Somebody has to win, though.

No Fun Lost-time Preview for Week 5

I'm not researching this anymore than I do with the college stuff I write. If something catches my eye, I'll spill it here. Otherwise just assume that all my knowledge comes from Sundays spent with NFL Sunday Ticket. It ain't hi-def but it is every game. So there's that. And I don't care as much about the NFL, so maybe this will be less partial than my college stuff.

Side note: I haven't really thought much about Crabtree since he signed. Apparently he isn't going to play this week. I think he'll be OK, though. He'll get 11 games and I'm going to guess he gets about 600 yds and 3 TD. He won't be great right away but he'll be really good. And he'll look better because the 49ers have some pretty good players around him that will keep him from being the focus too early. Shawn Hill is not a good QB, but he's not Jamarcus Russell.

More side notes: Go anyone playing the Red Sox and Yankees!

Here's ur inalysis for WEEK 5 (Purple wins!):
Cleveland at Buffalo - Maybe Marshawn Lynch can do something this week. Dick Jauron gets my vote for worst coach in the league, just barely beating out Eric Mangini. But Cleveland has no discernible talent on offense. Really, Brady Quinn is probably their best player right now and he doesn't even start. This game will probably end up with some crazy score like 48-42 but if the NFL had anything approaching consistent outcomes I would say it's 10-4 Bills. Trent Edwards will run out of the back of the end zone on accident and the punter will take a safety on purpose. That is all the scoring for the Browns. If you play anyone from this game I would advise Bills D, Marshawn Lynch and maybe Fred Jackson.

Dallas at Kansas City - I bet the Chiefs score their season high in points this week. Cowboys will win, 34-30. Romo should be a good play, Derrick Bowe should be good, Marion Barber should be awesome and the kickers should be OK. Witten will get some yards and so will Miles Austin. Bet on it. But don't attribute that to me, because I don't owe you anything when I'm wrong. Don't talk to me either. I'm writing this blog now just to organize my thoughts around something other than ending up homeless.

Minnesota at St. Louis - Lots of hype on Minnesota. They'll be OK, but I don't think Peterson, Harvin, Favre, or Berrian has a great game. I bet Chester Taylor gets his vulture scores starting this week and the Vikings D will get a ton of points this week. The Rams? Stephen Jackson will get nothing. Donnie Avery might get some cheap points late and get some folks back on his bandwagon. Cheap points still count in your fantasy league, right? Vikings 38, Rams 10.

Oakland at NY Giants - This is the kind of game that worries me in the NFL. Most games you don't look too bad if you get them wrong because there are only a handful of obvious mismatches in the NFL. And they usually end up way closer than they should unless the Patriots are involved and healthy. They will probably fade this year, finally, but they haven't yet. The Giants look to me like the team most likely to take the Pats place as a well-run organization that most people really hate but their fans are obnoxious idiots whose world ends at the end of their nose so they don't understand that you are not happy for them in the least little bit. That leads me to this: Giants 42, Raiders 14. Both Raiders TDs will be flukes. Maybe a defensive TD and some crazzy play to Louis Murphy with 9 seconds left in the game. Don't ever play a Raiders player this year if you can avoid it. Except for Sebass. Giants should be OK to play Manningham, Eli, Jacobs and Steve Smith. But Steve Smith will get blanketed this week. Because Aasomugha (sp?) is the best CB in the league by far. It's not even close. He's the best guy since Deion and Darrell Green. It's too bad nobody in the USA can remember his name. But he won't help you in fantasy football, so ignore him. I don't know who the Giants backup TE is, but Kevin Boss looked like he got some serious ligament damage last week. I haven't read the injury reports this week but I can't imagine Boss being effective again until he gets some rest. Hakeem Nicks might pick up some points this week, too, but I'm scared to play him until I see him play some more.

Tampa Bay at Philadelphia - Coming off the bye week, Philly should be shooting for 100 this week. I don't know how good they are as a team, but count on them to score. I'm thinking about playing LeSean McCoy even with Brian Westbrook back. Donovan McNabb is back this week and I'm expecting him to be awesome. I don't remember who the Eagles TE is but I bet he has the biggest game of the year for any TE so far this year. Eagles 56 - Bucs 20. Don't trust anyone on the Bucs. Cadillac Williams could be huge this week and so could KII, but if you're counting on Cadillac or any TE, you are probably already out of your playoff race in fantasy.

Pittsburgh at Detroit - I would love to say Detroit wins this game but it hardly seems like a safe pick. Rashard Mendenhall will get a lot of points this week. So will Hines Ward and Ben Rapeyburger. Is Heath Miller still in Pittsburgh? I think he'll be OK. Detroit might not have Stafford. Megatron is an automatic start and the TE on the Lions is actually OK. So the Lions will keep it closer than you expect. Which is to say the Steelers might not shut them out. Steerlers, 27 - 6.

Washington at Carolina - Here we go. How can you go wrong here? Nobody expects either team to win. Clinton Portis and/or Ladell Betts will be a good play. Chris Cooley will be a good play. Both defenses will get some turnovers, so they should be decent plays, too. DeAngelo Williams and Steve Smith will have some good plays and might both score. But both of these teams are in danger of falling apart, so don't be surprised no matter what happens. Redskins 20 - Panthers 17? Seems realistic.

Cincinnati at Baltimore - Baltimore seems overrated and the Bengals seem underrated. So the Ravens will end up winning by 30. 44 - 14 could happen. Flacco will be good but will get sacked and throw an INT, if not more. Carson Palmer will be decent but this is the game where I predict Cedric Benson reverts to form. Do you really think you've figured out the Ravens RB rotation? Fine, go ahead and start one of those guys but I'm not going to back you up on it.

Atlanta at San Francisco - Atlanta is a pretty good team. I want the 49ers to be good but I think they're more of a mirage. I'd be fine with Matt Ryan playing and Tony Gonzales is safe. I don't know if Jennings or White are getting the ball enough to trust them. I didn't like Michael Turner coming into the year and I still don't. But he might score so you're stuck with him. I watched Glen Coffee last week and he looks like a big step down from Frank Gore to my eyes. Don't think much of any 49ers this week but their defense went berserk last week. Falcons 23 - 49ers 12.

Jacksonville at Seattle - Jaguars looked great against the Titans and their fans don't like them, so going on the road shouldn't make much of a difference. The Seahawks are OK. You should probably start playing Burleson if you haven't already and Jon Carlson is good at TE. Julius Jones is surprisingly decent. I would play Garrard if I had him, I'd definitely play Sims-Walker and I'd always play MJD. Tim Tebow's Hometown Jaguars 28, Jimi Hendrix's Hometown Seahawks 16.

Houston at Arizona - ESPN is featuring this game in their articles this week so it will either be unwatchable or it will look like a game of Tecmo Super Bowl. I'm closing my eyes and hoping for the latter. Play everybody in this one. Even Matt Leinart seems like a safe play. Seriously, this should be awesome. Cards 63 - Texans 52. That would be great, right? That's why I want to watch this one.

New England at Denver - I probably won't watch a single play of this on purpose. Brady's good, Orton's fine, don't trust any NE players other than Moss and Brady, don't know that many Broncos. Knowshown Moreno is playing this week, right? He'll do fine because the Patriots defense isn't very good this year. Brandon Marshall will be OK. This game will be dull and worthless with some fake-seeming "thrilling" ending to make it seem like you missed out if you didn't watch it. Broncos 16, Patriots 13.

Indianapolis at Tennessee - Colts rely too much on passing, even if Peyton Manning is the best QB I have ever seen. And the Titans are not legitimately a bad team. C.J. for 200 yds this week? Stop throwing, Tennessee, and you'll be fine. Colts D is over-rated. Play all your normal Colts and play your normal Titans. I don't think any numbers will look off except for the final score: Titans, 31-24.

NY Jets at Miami - Huh? Are they really going to play this? On Monday night? Fine, then. If you've got a lot invested in either of these teams, you're unlucky. Dolphins D will get some turnovers because Rick Mirer and Mark Sanchez are not that dissimilar. Ronnie Brown will get good yardage. Who plays WR and TE for the Dolphins? I don't know, but I'm going to say start Carlester Crumpler. I don't know if he's still in the league and I don't remember if he ever played for either of these teams. I like his name, though. Don't play Braylon Edwards. He's not very good. Miami, 17 - 3.

I'd like to point out how awesome I am at college football for this week. All the games I picked? Right so far. Fuck the Nebraska Cornhuskers but I thought they would win.

College Football Predictions For October 10th (and surrounding days)

I know I have quite the following who are awaiting this new weekly feature with baited breath. I hope nobody uses this for purposes of gambling because that person would lose a lot of money and end up like me - no job, overdrafted bank account, phone turned off. The bottom line is: I'm terrible at this so don't try to imitate me. For your own health.

Last week I showed my biases. Florida State made me look bad. Houston made me look bad. Boise State made me look bad and they won. North Carolina made me look really bad but Maryland bailed me out. Or Clemson bailed me out. However you want to look at that. But my upset picks on the whole? Pretty gaddam awful.

I went 37-15 last week and predicted Indiana to upset Ohio State. Which was actually a better pick than my Cal over USC mistake. You know what? You could probably do OK the rest of the year betting against the Berkeley Bears and the Seminoles no matter what I say. My estimation of Jahvid Best is low at this point and Christian Ponder is, in fact, a terrible QB. So now that I got that off my chest, here are the picks. Winners are in purple and I don't do research. I go from memory and don't read the lines:

TUESDAY – Why did this happen? Who was asking for a Tuesday night game and why do schools feel it is believable when they release statements saying anything in college sports is done in the interests of the athletes?
Troy 31, Middle Tennessee State 7 - No, I didn’t predict this. It already happened.

THURSDAY
No. 21 Nebraska at No. 24 Missouri - My next door neighbors all went to Nebraska and I want them to lose but I feel like Blaine Gabbert has gotten a little too much pub this week and he's over-rated.

FRIDAY
Louisiana Tech at Nevada - I read somewhere a couple of weeks ago that La. Tech is good and I picked them last week based on that. I'm picking them this week because they've always done right by me.

SATURDAY
Boston College at No. 5 Virginia Tech
Eastern Illinois at No. 14 Penn State - Is Eastern Illinois in the Big 10 now?
No. 17 Auburn at Arkansas - I'm shaky on this. Auburn's not really that good and now people are starting to believe in them. Long-term? That's folly. Arkansas was really good last week but I still hate them. Fuck 'em.
Miami (OH) at Northwestern
Purdue at Minnesota
West Virginia at Syracuse - Paulus is fascinating. He seems talented and I wonder if the UFL or CFL will give him a chance. He has a good arm and he's not tiny. He seems very uncoached, though, and I hope he throws even more INTs here. Maybe he can go for 7 this week.
Vanderbilt at Army - These are two very bad teams but I have faith that Army is worse.
Michigan State at Illinois - Zook fucks everything up. I wasn't wrong about Michigan State's lack of heart last week. But they won anyway. Isn't Michigan in trouble for practicing too much? Why was Forcier having a heart attack in the 4th qtr like he had never gone to conditioning drills? RichRod, I don't care that you stiffed West Virginia because, honestly, they should have paid you shitloads to stay. But you need to make your skill guys work out more than the NCAA rules allow, too.
Eastern Michigan at Central Michigan - Sure, why not?
Georgia at Tennessee - I've got a funny feeling on this one. Mark Richt might just flame out entirely this year. He might look good in garnet and gold sweaters next year or the year after. You know, some kind of phony, hokey redemption when FSU reaches a BCS title game in 2012?
No. 15 Oklahoma State at Texas A&M - A&M, it turns out, is god-awful. So is Oklahoma State, though. And it's time for a real upset.
Iowa State at No. 16 Kansas
Kentucky at No. 25 South Carolina
Houston at Mississippi State - Damn. It's tough to pretend to know what you're talking about all the time. I want Houston to win because I keep writing about Case Keenum in my Heisman columns.
Ball State at Temple
New Mexico at Wyoming - Wyoming won on the road last week to make me look bad.
No. 3 Alabama at No. 20 Mississippi - Mt. Cody erupts! I'm staying away from the RBs this week because Richardson would have needed 96 carries last week to reach my prediction and I don't think it really matters who gets the rushes. Both RBs are really good and at least one of them will truck Ole' Miss. This game seems more important to The Tide than the Rebels. In the sense that 'Bama needs to keep invested in every game so that they don't lose their way and miss the SEC title game. So it's important as a measuring stick to the Crimson Tide.
Wisconsin at No. 9 Ohio State - I want to pick against The Ohio State University Buckeyes every week but I don't think I should. Also, because my dad was from Ohio I feel like sort of a traitor for not liking them at all. He didn't care about the Buckeyes, either, though, so why should I care? He went to FSU and played football there but rooted for Notre Dame. Kids from the Depression Era all rooted for Notre Dame. I still hate Notre Dame and I don't feel bad about it.
No. 13 Oregon at UCLA - Tough game for Oregon. No, really, UCLA is not that bad. And Masoli might be out for this one. I turn the games off when he sits so I have no idea who the backup is.
Baylor at No. 19 Oklahoma - A suitably big game for Bob. Put your points up now, Sooners. Texas will erase you.
Georgia Southern at North Carolina - Hahahahahahaha! Butch Davis, you could be thinking about retirement by now if you'd stayed in Miami.
Texas Southern at Rutgers - Ummm, whatever.
Connecticut at Pittsburgh - Still not a vote of confidence. Wannstedt was great as D-Coordinator on the Cowboys. But Butch Davis was better. And he's still better. But Coach Dave has a good position here and I don't think he'll leave it anytime soon. He's smart like that. Win 9-11 games/year and just keep doing it. Pitt won't do better and Wannstedt will be in the bushes after this one so it's a good situation all around. But I still don't think much of him as a coach.
Navy at Rice - Go Middies!
Indiana at Virginia - Hmmm. UVa is still awful. And Indiana looked OK against Ohio State. I'll follow my formula and just choose the team I want to win. Probably wrong but go Hoos.
Gardner-Webb at Buffalo
Bowling Green at Kent State
Marshall at Tulane - Sorry, Green Wave. McConaughey is a good coach.
Duke at North Carolina State - Should actually be a good game. I can't look up his name right now, because that would be research, but that one DE/LB guy on N.C. State just missed my Heisman rankings.
Arizona State at Washington State - Woof. This is a bad'n.
Utah at Colorado State
Ohio at Akron
Maryland at Wake Forest - I would pick them anyway but I really think the Terps will get on a little bit of a roll now and end up a bowl team.
Florida A&M at No. 11 Miami (FL) - He hasn't had many chances in his time as head coach but I don't get the feeling Randy Shannon is a "pad the stats" kind of coach. That's the one thing I don't like about him. Because I equate the desire to run up the score with the killer instinct it takes to close out games against better teams.
Florida International at Western Kentucky - I! D! K!
Stanford at Oregon State - I'm over it with Toby, got it? He brings up bad memories of Touchdown Tommy Vardell. I like this Owusu kid but I want Stanford to go down on flames, blow bang style.
North Texas at Louisiana-Lafayette
Kansas State at Texas Tech
Western Michigan at Toledo
Colorado at No. 2 Texas - These assholes will run up the score. No apologies. Actually, the reason the Big XII seems so much better than it really is (SEC, too) is that every coach in the conference is constantly trying to run up the score as much as possible. The ACC and Big East could use some more of that. Cincinnati is the only team I consider to act that way in either of those conferences. And look at the new hype they're finding.
No. 10 TCU at Air Force
Southern Miss at Louisville
No. 1 Florida at No. 4 LSU - With or without Tebow I think it's Geaux Gators! in this one. The extra week to prepare seems to help out really good coaches a lot.
No. 22 Georgia Tech at Florida State - They are due.
Idaho at San Jose State
Utah State at New Mexico State
UTEP at Memphis - It's really humid in Memphis but not really in El Paso, right?
East Carolina at Southern Methodist
Michigan at No. 12 Iowa - Iowa is not good. No matter what anyone tells you, okay? Iowa is not good.
No. 18 Brigham Young at UNLV
Arizona at Washington
Fresno State at Hawaii - Specific prediction: CSU-Fresno 72 - Hawaii 51. Ryan Mathews will get 4 rushing TDs, a long receiving TD, and some kind of a fluke return TD. By next Monday morning (it will take at least that long for highlights from this game to trickle out) he will be revered around the country in the way that Reggie Bush was after destroying Fresno a few years ago.

That's all folks! NFL / Fantasy preview tomorrow. I might add my predictions on Michael Crabtree's future contributions later today.

Heisman Trophy race

My attempt at creating a hype machine isn't working. For some reason, I'm not getting a lot of traffic to my awesome site here. Sometimes I provide links and sometimes I don't. I almost never have pictures on the site, but ProFootballTalk made it all the way to NBC with minimal eye candy. They just have those terrible video segments with Florio and that guy that tries to keep his baldness a secret from himself. So I'm sticking to my guns and not putting a bunch of pictures on here. Links might help, though, so you can check out the stats page for Chris Owusu, my new favorite kick returner. I'm sorry, Brandon James, you've been burned. The loft has no more room for you. Other than that I'm just putting out a list of guys that I've watched that stand out to me. The #1 on my list does make me cringe. I apologize for that. But he's played better than anybody else in college football so far as I can tell.

I'll update my terrible, under-analyzed picks for the week tomorrow. I'm still really happy about the Hurricanes beating Oklahoma but I feel like it should have been a bigger win. If they were a legit title contender or even in the same ballpark as 'Canes teams of the past they would have been able to keep building on that 21-10 lead, b.s. personal foul or no. Also, their schedule is looking less and less great by virtue of FSU tanking the rest of the season. If FSU somehow goes 7-0 the rest of the way that would really help UM's strength of schedule. On to the Heisman race!

1.) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - Yeah. He's a little jerk. I hate his team. I hate his school. I'd probably hate him if I met him. But, damn, he's a good college QB. He tore up Washington. I stand by my presumption that if he gets hurt Notre Dame will start losing a lot. So we all have something to pray for here. P.S., the NCAA's website thinks the most important statistic for a passer is completions per game. I'd never even thought of that as a statistic before checking out their website.

2.) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - This ranking is in serious jeopardy this week. If a dazed Gay Jesus plays and gets beat up by LSU, then he's out of it. If he doesn't play and UF wins anyway, then he's out of it. So he has to play and look all inspirational this week or he's a-tumbling. The whole city of Jacksonville will fall into the sea out of pure despair if their only worthwhile contribution to society is humbled.

3.) Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back! He's currently #3 in the country in rush yds/game and he's the most fun player to watch since Rocket Ismail. If you saw the game last Thursday you saw him at his best. I think he can make it in the league. He reminds me of Napoleon Kaufman.

4.) Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Is he over-rated? Yeah, probably a little bit. Are his numbers great enough to justify this? No, probably not. Is Miami going to lose at least one more game this year before the ACC title game? I would guess they are. But I want to make it absolutely clear because I don't think I have done so before now: Robert Marve is a sucker. UM would be at best 1-3 if his punk ass was still the quarterback. He's a whiny little jerk who doesn't get the team concept. And I'm glad he's gone. I look for him to have a Mitch Mustain-type career at Purdue. Which is to say, I expect Robert Marve to ride the bench at Purdue. Good riddance. Jacory, on the other hand, has a fairly weak schedule coming up. Look for him to rise significantly from his perch at #25 in the passing efficiency rankings. He'll probably get shut down by USF's defense but he can at least do to them what he did to the Sooners. And IF Miami actually runs the table between now and the ACC title game, then Jacory will get all the credit. He deserves it. He runs this team really well.

5.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - This was a tough call for my last numbered spot. I didn't see the game on Saturday and I know Houston lost to a terrible UTEP team. But I can read a box score and Keenum put up monster stats. So he stays in here. If Houston finishes 10-2 and out of the CUSA title game, that doesn't really diminish Keenum's standing to me as long as he throws for 5,000 or so yards. It's in the realm of possibility. And I still believe in this guy as a good player in his own right, rather than "just another Texas Tech QB", for a point of comparison. Keenum isn't on defense fucking everything up for the Cougs.

The rest of the bunch, for me:

Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno St - it's not his fault his team can't get a win. This guy is awesome. They didn't play this week but if you get a chance to watch them play, take it. He's almost as much fun to watch as Noel Devine.

Kellen Moore, QB, Boise State - Well, they won, didn't they? And Avery did nothing so I'll give some credit to the guy who's second in pass efficiency right now. Behind Clasuen.

Greg McElroy, QB, Alabama and Chris Todd, QB, Auburn - Neither one of them stands out that much to me but they look good and deserve some much-needed hype.

Mark Ingram & Trent Richardson, RBs, Alabama - Ingram ad the great game this week. Richardson actually sort of sucked. But I think they're equals and 'Bama is my current fave to win it all,so...

Mount Cody, DT/FB, Alabama - Tough to quantify his impact but this is the reason the Tide were great most of last year and the reason they're great so far this year. I don't know what he'll be like in the NFL but I would say he'll probably be more similar to Sam Adams than Ryan Sims.

Ryan Williams, RB, Virginia Tech - He's a beast, he's a dog, he's a motherfuckin problem. He's Virginia Tech's best player except for that DB who missed 3 games. And that guy doesn't count.

Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame - He looked pretty awesome against Washington. Enough that I'm not sure if it's Clausen, the receivers, or both that make the Notre Dame passing game look soooo good. It might all come crumbling down like Charlie Weis' career if they get blown out by USC again, but for now they look great.

Tony Pike, QB, Cincinnati - ...and still undefeated. I want to see Cincinnati and USF play each other. That could change my estimation of this guy. I think he's great now. May end up higher or off the list.

Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Whatever. Nobody cares. He'll win it and still nobody will care. I expect Texas to light Oklahoma the fuck up. McCoy is one spot behind Jacory Harris in pass efficiency. And I legitimately don't think McCoy deserves his hype but somebody on UT-Austin's team needs to be put out front. He's the soft tosser with the memorable name. That is all.

Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford - He's gonna be a fullback in the NFL. He's not very fun to watch run because he looks slow to me. But he beat UCLA so he gets a mention. I like him right now for beating UCLA. If Stanford beats USC again expect this guy to go national.

I'd like to write about Hawaii's awesome pass offense but I haven't actually seen them play. Texas Tech is such a system for QB's that all any of their QB's can do is make it worse. Taylor Potts is OK but he's not doing all that great.

Like I said, tomorrow is the day for all of your ill-informed weekend gambling advice. Maybe I'll branch out and do an NFL column on Thursday or Friday. Depending on whether I have time and/or feel like it. I'm just talking to myself anyway.

CFB Predictions for the first weekend of October

A prediction I made to myself about 2 months ago will apparently not come true but it's close. The Baltimore Orioles are going to finish with the worst record in the AL at least. The Nationals get the worst in the majors, pretty much wire-to-wire. It kind of hurts worse when you realize they were supposed to be that terrible. The O's? I don't know what to expect from them. Maybe they can turn it on in the next 2 years but I don't have a good feeling about it. The Nats will get that catcher next year and develop him to become a decent C in the majors sometime around his 30th birthday. Long after he's flamed out in Washington. Jeff Weaver's twin from another mother/decade Stephen Strasburg willn't even do that. He'll get tons of money completely incommensurate to his performance for a long while but he will never be truly "good." Now let's get on to college football, shall we?

I like the idea of doing this regularly. Like every week kind of regularly. But I am lazy, so don't count on me for things. Purple + Bold = I think this team will win. This is yelling into an infinite wind tunnel, so here we go:



Hawaii at Louisiana Tech Wednesday night football! Don’t have an opinion really, but I’ve got to pick a winner.
Colorado at West Virginia Dan Hawkins is terrible
Southern Miss at UAB
Pittsburgh at Louisville No, not a vote of confidence for Wannstedt.
Utah State at No. 20 Brigham Young
No. 6 Virginia Tech at Duke
No. 22 Michigan at Michigan State MSU is heartless.
Clemson at Maryland Just ‘cause. No, not really. Clemson will win. But I want Md to win so I’m picking them. Fair?
Wisconsin at Minnesota
Virginia at North Carolina Wow. What a shit fest. I loved UVA when I was a kid. They should go back to their awesome orange jerseys and white helmets.
South Florida at Syracuse USF should be ranked. Somewhere around #15
East Carolina at Marshall
Tulane at Army Toughest pick of the week. Really. I have no idea who will win and I kind of like both of them in the same way.
Toledo at Ball State Both horrible and I think Ball State might be better but I can’t be bothered to look up information. Do I have any base of knowledge for most of these picks? Good lord, no. But I didn’t want to write an article about Georgia v. LSU
Northwestern at Purdue
Arkansas State at No. 13 Iowa
No. 3 Alabama at Kentucky Richardson busts for 180yds and Kentucky won’t score.
No. 10 Cincinnati at Miami (OH) Cincinnati, USF and WVU are fun to watch. I like the Big East and I wish Miami was still in it
Temple at Eastern Michigan Holy mackerel. Does this game pay for itself? How can these two universities possibly clear a profit on this? Does this have some kind of tie-in to basketball that makes it worthwhile?
Kansas State at Iowa State I want K-State to be like they were 6 years ago because I sort of hate everyone else in the Big 12 except for Texas Tech
No. 4 LSU at No. 18 Georgia Here it is. Between the hedges. The game that inspired me to write all this other shit. I think LSU will bomb on Georgia. Seriously. I’ve watched both of these teams a couple of times and I have no faith in Georgia. LSU is really talented, just like they always are, and Georgia is pretty talented as well. But Mark Richt is a lot like Bobby Bowden over the past 9 years. That is to say, he brings in lots of great recruits, beats most of the shitty teams he’s supposed to beat, wins his bowl games and puts out lots of NFL talent. But he will never win another title. At least Bowden got his titles as a head coach. Because he will always lose this type of game. LSU will get some #1 votes out of this thing and then we’ll have an insufferable week of hype leading to the Florida game. During that week you will see 317 Tim Tebow stories on ESPN, 3 LSU stories. And Florida will win because they have this week off. Tebow will not even be a factor but he will get credit for the W even if he doesn’t play.
No. 15 Penn State at Illinois Please, Ron Zook, please just stop. I beseech you. I am much more surprised to see Zook coaching a major school than to see Joe Paterno still coaching. If I’d been told in 2003 that only one of these coaches would still be coaching, I would have guessed JoePa.
UCLA at Stanford
Washington at Notre Dame
Florida State at Boston College Consistency is over-rated. Who needs to win every week? Variety is the spice of life!
North Carolina State at Wake Forest
Central Michigan at Buffalo
Memphis at UCF
Air Force at Navy Go Middies!
Western Michigan at Northern Illinois
New Mexico at Texas Tech
Florida International at Louisiana-Monroe
Ohio at Bowling Green
Wyoming at Florida Atlantic
UNLV at Nevada I’m basing this pick on my confidence in the stellar backfield of Randall Cunningham and Ickey Woods. I don’t think those guys ever played together because, if I remember correctly, Woods was a JuCo transfer. But then again, I’m not looking this up. And I won’t watch this game unless I click on the ‘check scores’ button and it’s 32-41 in the 1st quarter.
No. 9 Ohio State at Indiana Somebody got to die…
No. 21 Mississippi at Vanderbilt Ole Miss is terrible but I have bad luck picking against them. Jevan Snead is like David Klingler without the 5000 yd season or the 700-yd/12-td game. Which means he’s a career backup but he’ll at least be in the league.
Oregon State at Arizona State I like Oregon State’s RB and I have to assume that the guys they had last year that made them decent are still OK. The ones that are still in school. ASU? Don’t trust them. Ever. Jake Plummer is available, but he’s ineligible for college football.
Kent State at Baylor Somehow, don’t know who he is, the Baylor backup QB will step up and keep them viable for a bowl game.
South Carolina State at South Carolina Spurrier should really get back into coaching and recruiting if he’s gonna keep taking the other USC’s money like this.
No. 25 Georgia Tech at Mississippi State ACC swine...
Texas A&M vs. Arkansas* What’s the asterisk for? I didn’t look at the bottom of the schedules page to figure it out. That’s how thorough I am. I root against Arkansas because they were assholes and idiots for firing Houston Nutt. To dredge up the past, let’s recount: He took your terrible, bottom of the pack SEC football program and made it a perennial contender with great recruiting and a good track record with the NFL but couldn’t quite win the title game and a few of his players mothers didn’t like him. I see why you’d need to replace him rather than fortifying the program and treating him like the deep South version of Frank Beamer. Way to go Arkansas. You fucked your program and lost money doing it. Texas A&M apparently hasn’t been visible or something. I know Mike Sherman is a bad head coach but I still think they can beat Arkansas based on nothing.
Tulsa at Rice
Auburn at Tennessee I thought Lane Kiffin could’ve been a good NFL coach. He’s not gonna get Tennessee back to the top of the SEC for at least a couple of years and I don’t know if he’s really the great recruiting leader that USC boosters make him out to be but I hope he gets a chance to stick around for a couple of years. He’s entertaining.
UC Davis at No. 5 Boise State The record for points in a college football game is still 222 by Georgia Tech, right? Because I don’t want to predict it’s going to fall this week and then find out it’s something ridiculous like 250 by some D-III school. Because Boise could go for 223 here, but asking for anything more than that might be unreasonable.
No. 7 USC at No. 24 California Seriously? Didn’t Berkeley just lose by 647 points to Oregon? Yeah, they did. That game was fluky for Cal. USC’s defense is overrated and I’m predicting Jahvid Best to go nuts in this game.
No. 8 Oklahoma at No. 17 Miami (FL) I’m not entirely sold on this pick but I couldn’t take it if Miami pulls it off and I have them losing. Oklahoma is overrated and Miami is every bit as athletic as them. Remember when I wasn’t sure a week and a half ago? I’m sure now. Miami is faster than Oklahoma and that’s always a problem for the Sooners. They aren’t a bad team, but they will finish the season 9-3. Guess who the other loss is going to come against. And Sam Bradford’s gonna come out next year and get drafted in the top 10. He will then proceed to sink whatever franchise made that stupid pick. This guy is going to be bad on the JaMarcus Russell/Akili Smith/Ryan Leaf level. He’s worse than Brady Quinn. And if I say it? You can guarantee I’m wrong.
Southern Methodist at No. 11 TCU
New Mexico State at San Diego State I wish Marshall Faulk still played college football.
No. 12 Houston at UTEP Pensacola, FL! Sorry, that’s where Mike Price was when he flushed his career down the tubes. I never understood that. I mean, who cares that he went to a strip club and had sex with two of the strippers? What detail did I miss about this story that made it make sense? Houston will destroy Texas Western in this game. I hope Case Keenum puts up some Jack Pardee-era numbers. Not because I dislike UTEP, I don’t, but because there haven’t been any awesome numbers like that from anyone so far this
Washington State at No. 16 Oregon
Colorado State at Idaho

Note to self: Blogger controls are really stupid. I can't import highlights, bolds, or text colors? Why is that? Any way - figure out a better technique for typing this up next time you do it. Got it me? Got it.