I have a dream of what this season can become. It's a convoluted dream filled with destruction and hypocrites. I'm sure that even if every game result that I want to happen in the top 10 of the BCS between now and the time that the bowls begin I still would not get the result I want. Because I've figured out how Boise State can play in the BCS title game. It involves a lot of upsets on rivalry weekend. And everything needs to turn out right this week for it to even have a possibility of happening. Please god read what I write in the coming weeks. Please. I need validation.
I went 37-16 last week. Right about my normal range. I got Navy over Notre Dame but I honestly would have picked that way whether I believed it or not. I couldn't quite countenance the Stanford win but I was aware of Stanford's talent (I still like Owusu better than Touchdown Tommy II but I can't deny Gerhart his place in the Heisman race for this week). My worst misses were picking Wyoming over BYU (52-0 the wrong way. And by the wrong way I mean it the same way Sublime did. Which is up the ass) and I picked SDSU to upset TCU. I didn't watch the game but I think TCU actually just spotted SDSU their 12 points then the Horned Frogs went out and scored 55 points in 13 minutes and they called it a game. Something like that anyway. I'm at 223-98 for the year. I feel OK with that standing. The drill is, as always, the team written in purple is my predicted winner.
TUESDAY
Ohio 27, Buffalo 24 - never ever ever ever ever ever ever will I pick the Tuesday game. Well, shit, it's already Wednesday, right?
WEDNESDAY
Toledo at Central Michigan - This game might have already happened. I don't know and I don't care all that much. It's funny if I got it wrong.
THURSDAY
Bowling Green at Miami (OH) - Well, my whole premise in picking games is that I do no research so I can't look this up. I think these teams have combined for 2 wins this year. It will become 3 by the end of this game!
Ball State at Northern Illinois - I can't remember everything.
No. 24 South Florida at Rutgers - USF fucks up every time they look like they're on a roll. They'll probably beat Miami.
FRIDAY
No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati - This is an important part of my plan. I actually think the Big East is fairly strong from top-to-bottom so I don't think this is UC's last chance to fail. But this is the best chance they have. West Va has been awful on offense lately and Cincinnati is one of the best defensive teams in the country. I don't care. I need this for my dream scenario.
Temple at Akron - Bernard Pierce! I saw Temple got a few votes in one of the polls this week. Also, I've discovered that they are in the MAC in football. What the fuck? Can't some other A10 schools put together football programs and have an A10 conference in football? It would be easier, I suppose, if the NCAA adopted my plan to have a single D-I for football (similar to basketball) and a season-ending tournament to crown a champion (similar to every other division of football other than D-IA and, also, every other team sport on the planet). I want Pierce to light it up and get Temple into the top 25.
SATURDAY
No. 3 Texas at Baylor - OK, my plan is not really this dumb. I'm hoping for the 'Horns to lose the Big XII title game but I will keep picking against them for as long as I must.
No. 7 Georgia Tech at Duke - Georgia Tech is a fraud, aren't they? I don't believe a team could get wiped out by this year's Miami team the way these guys did without being a bad team. Miami is a good team this year, a slightly fringe top 20 (just wait and see - I hope I'm wrong), with one major asset. They're really fast. They aren't disciplined and they don't really play as a team all the time.
No. 15 Houston at UCF - Keenum needs to keep putting up 500 yds/week to really have a shot at a Heisman. He wears Klingler's number so maybe he can go for 11 tds this week.
Indiana at No. 18 Penn State - Wouldn't be shocked by an Indiana win. Slightly surprised would be the more apt phrase.
Michigan at No. 20 Wisconsin - Why would anything in the Big 10 make sense? All 11 teams in the Big 10 suck. That's why they combine to only equal 10.
Syracuse at Louisville - Holy shit. This is a disaster.
South Dakota State at Minnesota
Tennessee at Mississippi - Jevan Snead has been terrible all season and this will be his worst game yet.
Clemson at North Carolina State - NC State is a shitty team and Clemson is on a roll. The ACC is just as bad as the Big 10.
Florida State at Wake Forest - I want to believe.
Virginia Military Institute at Army - Hmmm. Of all the IA vs. IAA games that could be played, this is one of the few that makes sense.
Northwestern at Illinois - Wowzers. I'm familiar with the work of the Zooker so I can't pick any team he coaches.
Michigan State at Purdue
Kentucky at Vanderbilt
Missouri at Kansas State - I don't trust K-State yet but Bill Snyder's moving them in the right direction.
No. 21 Virginia Tech at Maryland - Why are the Hokies still ranked?
UAB at Memphis
Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan - ?????
No. 22 Brigham Young at New Mexico - Whatever, BYU. Whatever.
Colorado at Iowa State - Oh, Dan Hawkins, how bad have you made the WAC look?
San Jose State at Utah State
UTEP at Southern Methodist - You know, these two coaches probably shouldn't be at these two schools. Wazzou can still take Price back, can't they? I don't know the story there. If the fans and regents aren't too mad at him it seems like it's worth a try. What could go wrong? Is Washington State going to somehow lose all their games even more?
No. 1 Florida at South Carolina - Florida can actually afford a loss and still make the BCS title game but that game has to be during the next two weeks.
Idaho at No. 6 Boise State - Boise State obviously needs to win every game if they are going to even finish top 5.
Stanford at No. 9 USC - I don't trust the Stanford momentum. Really, if last week's game were in Oregon it wouldn't have even been a Stanford win. USC, on the other hand, could probably lose to Washington State at this point and it would be slightly surprising but also only drop them to #15.
No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State - I'd like to see Iowa finish 8-4. They seem like an 8-4 team from a middling conference.
No. 14 Miami (FL) at North Carolina - I don't really believe Miami will win this game. I don't like to say that. I want Miami to win this game by 60. Probably more than any other game all year I want Miami to win by a huge amount.
Washington at No. 23 Oregon State - Jacquizz Rodgers won't win the Heisman. He has even lost his hype in the Pac 10.
Tulane at Rice
Boston College at Virginia - Hahahahahahahah! I'm kidding but whatever. I'm not picking against UVa.
Nebraska at Kansas - Nebraska beat Oklahoma last week and has a legitimate claim to the best single player in college football. But they're also a horrible train wreck on offense and can find ways to give up points and lose no matter what Suh does.
Delaware at Navy - Uh, go Middies. I guess. I hate the 12 game schedule so much.
Arkansas State at Florida Atlantic
Western Kentucky at Louisiana-Monroe
Fresno State at Nevada - Mathews, listen to me. You can't get the credit you deserve without at least 1 game of over 300 yds. The more the merrier, in fact. Don't take plays off and steal the ball from the QB if he drops back to pass. You're in the huddle with him so you should know when it's coming. If it take 70 carries to get the yards you need? So be it. Make it fucking happen. I'm sick of having nobody I know even realize you exist.
Louisiana-Lafayette at Middle Tennessee State
Southern Miss at Marshall
UCLA at Washington State - You might get the impression I'm trying to lose 30 games this week. You might be right. Like a fox.
UNLV at Air Force
No. 2 Alabama at Mississippi State - Alabama needs to lose before the SEC title game and lose the SEC title game in order to have Boise play in the BCS title game. 'Bama will roll the Mississippi State Bulldogs but they might lose the Iron Bowl. Auburn's not that bad and the Iron Bowl is their only big game left. Including whatever shitty bowl game they go and lose. The Iron Bowl is awesome. I'd watch it even if both teams were 1-10 coming in, because they will still play a great game just so they don't have to listen to some drunken rednecks tell them for the rest of their lives that they suck. Even if the only bad game they ever played was against Alabama/Auburn.
Louisiana Tech at No. 8 LSU
Auburn at Georgia - I said all that stuff about the Iron Bowl so now I feel compelled to take Auburn. Realistically I think the biggest difference between these two teams is where the game is played.
Texas A&M at Oklahoma - Big Game Bob. Whoo.
North Texas at Florida International
No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU - This needs to happen. My dream scenario is impossible if TCU keeps winning. Utah is a totally legit team so this can happen even though TCU has looked inde-fucking-structable the last couple of weeks.
Troy at Arkansas
Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh - Good night, sweetheart, now it's time to go...
Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State - Final score prediction: 24-23. Yep, that's not very high at all.
Wyoming at San Diego State
New Mexico State at Hawaii
Arizona State at No. 13 Oregon
No. 17 Arizona at California - Berkeley is only happy when it rains. They're only happy when it's complicated.
SUNDAY
East Carolina at Tulsa - This is just such a stupid trend that I can't handle it. The NCAA is a bunch of fucking jerkass idiots. That is all.
Have some fun with this if you read it. Predict my record for the week! That should be fun for you if you've made it this far.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Saturday, November 07, 2009
NFL Week 9 Preview / Fantasy Ruminations
Okey, I don't deserve the benefit of the doubt for being so far behind on my self-imposed assignments. I'm writing a script but that's not why I'm late. I'm behind the 8-ball because I am exhausted by work. But I'll do better next week. I'm watching college ball while I write this and my mind might wander a bit. Like, for instance, Trent Richardson is a total badass at running back for U. Alabama and deserves more carries. I went 10-3 last week, which a lot of people probably did because there was only 1 legitimate upset. I'm 33-21 for the year, which would be fine picking against the spread but I'm just guessing the winners. Maybe I'm improving at this. I don't re-check my fantasy advice so I couldn't tell you how I'm doing on that front. Here's this week's garbage, purple teams are the winners. Hope you enjoy it all:
SUNDAY
Washington at Atlanta - Washington seems really horrible now that I think about it. I'm playing Fred Davis at TE and I'd give Santana Moss a shot, too. Clinton Portis? Maybe if you have a bye-week starter or Matt Forte on your squad. Atlanta defense seems like a good play but I would probably not start Matt Ryan. Only maybe on Roddy White. I think if you have Michael Turner you probably have to play him but I'd be surprised if he has a second good game in a row. Tony Gonzalez is still a top 5 TE and you probably don't have anybody better than him on your team.
Arizona at Chicago - I like Beanie Wells better as a Cardinals RB than I liked him at Ohio State. He doesn't get enough carries but he's good. I would play all the Cards WRs this week and I bet Kurt Warner is worthy of a start, too. Jay Cutler will throw some INTs this week and Matt Forte is apparently awful.
Baltimore at Cincinnati - Bengals will now commence shocking everyone by how bad they suck. Carson Palmer is good, Ced Benson has finally become what he was supposed to be coming out of UT-Austin. Ochocinco is an asshole for changing his name but he's a good WR and a start-every-week kind of guy again. I don't like any matchups in this game particularly.
Houston at Indianapolis - I hope the score is 74-53 at the end. Owen Daniels is out so maybe now Jacoby Jones will get some catches. Everybody other than Daniels and Steve Slaton will do just fine in this game. If you have Colts, play them. All of them.
Miami at New England - New England has looked great lately. New England is an old team. They shouldn't be able to be great for more than a couple of weeks all season. You know the drill with New England.
Green Bay at Tampa Bay - Tampa Bay is awful but even they will get sacks here. Don't play any Bucs players ever. Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant stick out to me as fantasy stars in this game.
Kansas City at Jacksonville - Jamaal Charles is not a good RB. Don't kid yourself. MJD might go for 350 yds and 7 TDs against the Chiefs. Mike Sims-Walker will ligjt it up, too.
Carolina at New Orleans - New Orleans will stay undefeated and Pierre Tomas will have his biggest game of the year.
Detroit at Seattle - The battle of the injured network non-stars. The Lions might need MegaTron to win. But I'm guessing this makes the crap cellar a little more full. Welcome, Seattle!
Tennessee at San Francisco - The inverse of my little game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. I picked Tennessee until they won a game and now I sort of believe in them, too. Chris Johnson will not do anything like he did last week but he'll be OK. Vince Young is a terrible fantasy QB but he is better for the Titans than Kerry Collins. Frank Gore will go berserk. Alex Smith is a good backup at QB. Vernon Davis will keep having good games and Michael Crabtree might score this week. Somehow San Francisco will lose.
San Diego at NY Giants - I remember telling everyone that Phillip Rivers is the best QB in the draft before Eli Manning went overall #1. Yep, I'm sticking with that. Brandon Jacobs will be a good play this week but Eli will keep turning the ball over. And all the big names in the Chargers passing game will have the same game they have every week. But the Chargers RBs won't be so great this week.
Dallas at Philadelphia - McNabb will throw for more yds than Romo. McCoy will have the highest rushing total of any RB in this game. DeSean Jackson should have some huge yardage. I don't think much of the Cowboys coaches but it sometimes works out in the NFL that the players rise above horrible coaching to play well. Don't be surprised when Miles Austin has a crappy game.
MONDAY
Pittsburgh at Denver - I dislike both of these teams. I think Pittsburgh throws too much when they get into trouble. They should run the ball 45 times a game but they don't. Denver is a mirage but they have some nice players. Brandon Marshall will be a good play in this game, Mendenhall will be good. Everything else is open to interpretation.
SUNDAY
Washington at Atlanta - Washington seems really horrible now that I think about it. I'm playing Fred Davis at TE and I'd give Santana Moss a shot, too. Clinton Portis? Maybe if you have a bye-week starter or Matt Forte on your squad. Atlanta defense seems like a good play but I would probably not start Matt Ryan. Only maybe on Roddy White. I think if you have Michael Turner you probably have to play him but I'd be surprised if he has a second good game in a row. Tony Gonzalez is still a top 5 TE and you probably don't have anybody better than him on your team.
Arizona at Chicago - I like Beanie Wells better as a Cardinals RB than I liked him at Ohio State. He doesn't get enough carries but he's good. I would play all the Cards WRs this week and I bet Kurt Warner is worthy of a start, too. Jay Cutler will throw some INTs this week and Matt Forte is apparently awful.
Baltimore at Cincinnati - Bengals will now commence shocking everyone by how bad they suck. Carson Palmer is good, Ced Benson has finally become what he was supposed to be coming out of UT-Austin. Ochocinco is an asshole for changing his name but he's a good WR and a start-every-week kind of guy again. I don't like any matchups in this game particularly.
Houston at Indianapolis - I hope the score is 74-53 at the end. Owen Daniels is out so maybe now Jacoby Jones will get some catches. Everybody other than Daniels and Steve Slaton will do just fine in this game. If you have Colts, play them. All of them.
Miami at New England - New England has looked great lately. New England is an old team. They shouldn't be able to be great for more than a couple of weeks all season. You know the drill with New England.
Green Bay at Tampa Bay - Tampa Bay is awful but even they will get sacks here. Don't play any Bucs players ever. Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant stick out to me as fantasy stars in this game.
Kansas City at Jacksonville - Jamaal Charles is not a good RB. Don't kid yourself. MJD might go for 350 yds and 7 TDs against the Chiefs. Mike Sims-Walker will ligjt it up, too.
Carolina at New Orleans - New Orleans will stay undefeated and Pierre Tomas will have his biggest game of the year.
Detroit at Seattle - The battle of the injured network non-stars. The Lions might need MegaTron to win. But I'm guessing this makes the crap cellar a little more full. Welcome, Seattle!
Tennessee at San Francisco - The inverse of my little game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. I picked Tennessee until they won a game and now I sort of believe in them, too. Chris Johnson will not do anything like he did last week but he'll be OK. Vince Young is a terrible fantasy QB but he is better for the Titans than Kerry Collins. Frank Gore will go berserk. Alex Smith is a good backup at QB. Vernon Davis will keep having good games and Michael Crabtree might score this week. Somehow San Francisco will lose.
San Diego at NY Giants - I remember telling everyone that Phillip Rivers is the best QB in the draft before Eli Manning went overall #1. Yep, I'm sticking with that. Brandon Jacobs will be a good play this week but Eli will keep turning the ball over. And all the big names in the Chargers passing game will have the same game they have every week. But the Chargers RBs won't be so great this week.
Dallas at Philadelphia - McNabb will throw for more yds than Romo. McCoy will have the highest rushing total of any RB in this game. DeSean Jackson should have some huge yardage. I don't think much of the Cowboys coaches but it sometimes works out in the NFL that the players rise above horrible coaching to play well. Don't be surprised when Miles Austin has a crappy game.
MONDAY
Pittsburgh at Denver - I dislike both of these teams. I think Pittsburgh throws too much when they get into trouble. They should run the ball 45 times a game but they don't. Denver is a mirage but they have some nice players. Brandon Marshall will be a good play in this game, Mendenhall will be good. Everything else is open to interpretation.
Heisman Land
I've got 5 minutes to write this so it won't be in depth or insightful. Here's my Top 5 for the Heisman. MY top 5. They aren't the guys I think will win but the guys I think should win.
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - If you have watched him play and don't agree with me then fuck you, you're an asshole. If you haven't seen him play and you object because of his team/conference then fuck you even more because you are an even bigger asshole. This guy is Marshall Faulk (who also should have won) reborn.
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - Best QB I've seen this year. Plays a jackass schedule, as well, but it's ok to be a little protected. This Houston team plays an offense that is working in the NFL and the SEC so stop saying he's a system QB. He's got all the tools, as it were.
3.) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - Best QB I've seen this year that has actually played a decent schedule. Really don't think he should come out this year, though. He should be ready for the NFL Draft in 2011 and Out in 2014.
4.) Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama - If every offensive starter on the Crimson Tide went down to an injury, their defense would still pull them through. People who don't understand a nose tackle's job have complained that Cody hasn't "done anything" this year. Well, he's not a pass rusher. He's supposed to absorb blockers so that the edge rushers, to some degree, and the MLBs/ILBs have the space to blow up ballcarriers. Well, Cody has done well enough that Roland McClain has passed him up on the Q Ratings. B.S. Cody is the key to 'Bama winning anything memorable this year.
5.) Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - Give him a shot, OK? Watch a Temple game. I didn't realize it until last Saturday but Temple is having their best season in like 40 years. Did they get a recruiting pipeline going to resurrect (were they ever good to begin with?) the pipeline? I don't know but this guy is a freshman so it's possible. He's moved past Noel Devine, Tim Tebow, Golden Taint, Ndamukong Suh, Eric Berry and Kellen Moore to the point where I'm disappointed that I missed a Temple game on Thursday.
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - If you have watched him play and don't agree with me then fuck you, you're an asshole. If you haven't seen him play and you object because of his team/conference then fuck you even more because you are an even bigger asshole. This guy is Marshall Faulk (who also should have won) reborn.
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - Best QB I've seen this year. Plays a jackass schedule, as well, but it's ok to be a little protected. This Houston team plays an offense that is working in the NFL and the SEC so stop saying he's a system QB. He's got all the tools, as it were.
3.) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - Best QB I've seen this year that has actually played a decent schedule. Really don't think he should come out this year, though. He should be ready for the NFL Draft in 2011 and Out in 2014.
4.) Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama - If every offensive starter on the Crimson Tide went down to an injury, their defense would still pull them through. People who don't understand a nose tackle's job have complained that Cody hasn't "done anything" this year. Well, he's not a pass rusher. He's supposed to absorb blockers so that the edge rushers, to some degree, and the MLBs/ILBs have the space to blow up ballcarriers. Well, Cody has done well enough that Roland McClain has passed him up on the Q Ratings. B.S. Cody is the key to 'Bama winning anything memorable this year.
5.) Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - Give him a shot, OK? Watch a Temple game. I didn't realize it until last Saturday but Temple is having their best season in like 40 years. Did they get a recruiting pipeline going to resurrect (were they ever good to begin with?) the pipeline? I don't know but this guy is a freshman so it's possible. He's moved past Noel Devine, Tim Tebow, Golden Taint, Ndamukong Suh, Eric Berry and Kellen Moore to the point where I'm disappointed that I missed a Temple game on Thursday.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
College Football Week 10 (First Weekend of November)
Last week I had problems getting my paragraph breaks to show correctly. I went overboard on the top 25 upsets and then there weren't very many. I went 36-17 (186-82 overall) and missed picking the Minnesota-Mich State game entirely. Good, since I think that represents the way I felt about that game. I'm trying to work quickly because I'm a day and a half later than I want to write this article. I can't help it, I started a job on Monday and I'm overwhelmed by the idea of working again. The Thursday games have already started and I might be "predicting" game outcomes that have already been decided by the time this posts. I am trying hard to ignore the scores. So I have to just let it fly. Purple always wins on this site. No research!
TUESDAY
Bowling Green 30, Buffalo 29 - Nope. Not a prediction.
THURSDAY
No. 23 Virginia Tech at East Carolina - Wow. New blogger controls. Wow.
Miami (OH) at Temple - Maybe I am missing it right now and my new football hero is the new Heisman frontrunner.
Eastern Michigan at Northern Illinois - Huh? Well, Michael Turner's pretty good and he went to NIU.
FRIDAY
No. 7 Boise State at Louisiana Tech - Boise can look bad for losing but can't impress anyone with a win. Nobody will schedule them for the years to come, either. They're like FSU was in the early 80s. Except that it's almost illegal to be an independent now.
SATURDAY
UCF at No. 2 Texas - This would be the best upset in a long time if UCF wins. It would also be historically significant in the world of football.
Northwestern at No. 4 Iowa - It's only far-fetched if you've never watched Iowa.
Syracuse at No. 13 Pittsburgh - Poor Paulus. Syracuse fans hate him. He'll be OK if he makes the league.
Virginia at No. 17 Miami (FL) - UM is not much more talented than UVa. So Al Groh should be gone by now.
No. 21 Wisconsin at Indiana - Make up call!
Western Michigan at Michigan State -Wow, Sparty. You should be better.
Purdue at Michigan - What now? Both of these teams stopped playing football a few weeks ago. Maybe they will both be better?
Illinois at Minnesota - These were the Big 10 (+1) Conference teams of the week last week. You have to understand this means the conference is terrible.
Louisville at West Virginia - Noel Devine won't win the Heisman. West Virginia won't play in a good bowl game. Kraggy's gotta die.
South Carolina at Arkansas
Kansas at Kansas State
Tennessee Tech at Georgia - People are worried about Brandon Spikes but nobody cares that this is happening.
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky
Maryland at North Carolina State
Furman at Auburn
Texas A&M at Colorado - Sherman's going bowling isn't he?
Florida Atlantic at UAB
Baylor at Missouri
Brigham Young at Wyoming
Navy at No. 22 Notre Dame - It's not far-fetched anymore. Go Middies!
Rice at Southern Methodist
No. 9 LSU at No. 3 Alabama - LSU could win it. I'm interested to see where they would be in the rankings after a win here.
No. 8 Oregon at Stanford - Stanford can keep it closer than Oregon's last game.
Wake Forest at No. 10 Georgia Tech
No. 16 Ohio State at No. 11 Penn State
Washington State at No. 18 Arizona - Could the Pac-10 trade Wazzou for Boise State?
No. 19 Oklahoma State at Iowa State
Washington at UCLA
Duke at North Carolina
Army at Air Force
Kent State at Akron
Louisiana-Lafayette at Arkansas State
UTEP at Tulane
No. 6 TCU at San Diego State
Louisiana-Monroe at North Texas
Florida International at Middle Tennessee State
Troy at Western Kentucky
New Mexico at No. 14 Utah
Oregon State at No. 20 California
Memphis at Tennessee
Vanderbilt at No. 1 Florida
No. 15 Houston at Tulsa
Northern Arizona at Mississippi - Hey, Ole Miss can win this one!
Florida State at Clemson - If C.J. Spiller didn't lose last week to sportsmanship this game could win him a Heisman trophy. FSU has all the same weaknesses as Miami.
Connecticut at No. 5 Cincinnati -God I want these UConn kids to win. But UC is good. That should make a difference.
No. 12 USC at Arizona State - How awesome would it be if ASU could pull this off? Dennis Erickson is like a crappy, carpet-bagging version of Pete Carroll.
No. 24 Oklahoma at Nebraska - 2 top 5 draft picks in this game. They're both DTs.
Colorado State at UNLV
Utah State at Hawaii
Fresno State at Idaho - Come on Mathews, you need massive numbers!
SUNDAY
Nevada at San Jose State - WTF is up with this Sunday CFB bullshit? This is even more annoying and a bigger money loser than the Tuesday/Wednesday fuck you to academia games.
TUESDAY
Bowling Green 30, Buffalo 29 - Nope. Not a prediction.
THURSDAY
No. 23 Virginia Tech at East Carolina - Wow. New blogger controls. Wow.
Miami (OH) at Temple - Maybe I am missing it right now and my new football hero is the new Heisman frontrunner.
Eastern Michigan at Northern Illinois - Huh? Well, Michael Turner's pretty good and he went to NIU.
FRIDAY
No. 7 Boise State at Louisiana Tech - Boise can look bad for losing but can't impress anyone with a win. Nobody will schedule them for the years to come, either. They're like FSU was in the early 80s. Except that it's almost illegal to be an independent now.
SATURDAY
UCF at No. 2 Texas - This would be the best upset in a long time if UCF wins. It would also be historically significant in the world of football.
Northwestern at No. 4 Iowa - It's only far-fetched if you've never watched Iowa.
Syracuse at No. 13 Pittsburgh - Poor Paulus. Syracuse fans hate him. He'll be OK if he makes the league.
Virginia at No. 17 Miami (FL) - UM is not much more talented than UVa. So Al Groh should be gone by now.
No. 21 Wisconsin at Indiana - Make up call!
Western Michigan at Michigan State -Wow, Sparty. You should be better.
Purdue at Michigan - What now? Both of these teams stopped playing football a few weeks ago. Maybe they will both be better?
Illinois at Minnesota - These were the Big 10 (+1) Conference teams of the week last week. You have to understand this means the conference is terrible.
Louisville at West Virginia - Noel Devine won't win the Heisman. West Virginia won't play in a good bowl game. Kraggy's gotta die.
South Carolina at Arkansas
Kansas at Kansas State
Tennessee Tech at Georgia - People are worried about Brandon Spikes but nobody cares that this is happening.
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky
Maryland at North Carolina State
Furman at Auburn
Texas A&M at Colorado - Sherman's going bowling isn't he?
Florida Atlantic at UAB
Baylor at Missouri
Brigham Young at Wyoming
Navy at No. 22 Notre Dame - It's not far-fetched anymore. Go Middies!
Rice at Southern Methodist
No. 9 LSU at No. 3 Alabama - LSU could win it. I'm interested to see where they would be in the rankings after a win here.
No. 8 Oregon at Stanford - Stanford can keep it closer than Oregon's last game.
Wake Forest at No. 10 Georgia Tech
No. 16 Ohio State at No. 11 Penn State
Washington State at No. 18 Arizona - Could the Pac-10 trade Wazzou for Boise State?
No. 19 Oklahoma State at Iowa State
Washington at UCLA
Duke at North Carolina
Army at Air Force
Kent State at Akron
Louisiana-Lafayette at Arkansas State
UTEP at Tulane
No. 6 TCU at San Diego State
Louisiana-Monroe at North Texas
Florida International at Middle Tennessee State
Troy at Western Kentucky
New Mexico at No. 14 Utah
Oregon State at No. 20 California
Memphis at Tennessee
Vanderbilt at No. 1 Florida
No. 15 Houston at Tulsa
Northern Arizona at Mississippi - Hey, Ole Miss can win this one!
Florida State at Clemson - If C.J. Spiller didn't lose last week to sportsmanship this game could win him a Heisman trophy. FSU has all the same weaknesses as Miami.
Connecticut at No. 5 Cincinnati -God I want these UConn kids to win. But UC is good. That should make a difference.
No. 12 USC at Arizona State - How awesome would it be if ASU could pull this off? Dennis Erickson is like a crappy, carpet-bagging version of Pete Carroll.
No. 24 Oklahoma at Nebraska - 2 top 5 draft picks in this game. They're both DTs.
Colorado State at UNLV
Utah State at Hawaii
Fresno State at Idaho - Come on Mathews, you need massive numbers!
SUNDAY
Nevada at San Jose State - WTF is up with this Sunday CFB bullshit? This is even more annoying and a bigger money loser than the Tuesday/Wednesday fuck you to academia games.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
My New Favorite College Football Player
Wow. I had no idea Temple actually recruited legitimate football players. I actually thought that when John Chaney left the basketball program that maybe they would just drop sports from the university. Instead they have this freshman running back named Bernard Pierce who, despite the competition, just replaced Ryan Mathews as my new favorite back. This kid is nuts. I hope he does this well against other teams because he single-handedly beat Navy. That sucks but he looks better to me than the other big-name freshman backs (excepting Trent Richardson). I'm going to start pumping this kid for Heisman.
Friday, October 30, 2009
NFL Week 8 Preview/Fantasy Thoughts
More bye-weeks means fewer wins for the Comedy Corporation. 7-6 last week and I'm at 23-18. That would be a fine record for an NFL head coach. Depending on the success rate of the previous coaching regime in your organization you might even be hailed as a genius. In terms of prognostication, however, 23-18 means you're probably hemorrhaging money, depending on how you are placing your bets. You're a loser. Deal with that. I'm getting sick of losing in football and job-hunting so regularly. I'm a decent guy, right? Good lord I should be writing my assignments that pay instead of this thing. Well, I want to be good at sportswriting and I want to be interesting/entertaining so I'll keep plodding down this path a while. I meant to write an NBA preview issue of Comedy Corp. but I've always felt basketball season doesn't count until January anyway, so I've got time. Somehow the Blake Griffin injury really bothers me.
I don't have much to offer in terms of terrible entertainment news/reactions/predictions so I'll leave that aspect alone this week. My over-arching fantasy themes for the week are: a) at what point does Miles Austin fail completely, b) is the Jamaal Charles gravy train really off and rolling, and c) how much "arm" does Alex Smith really have? Let's get on with it then. Purple always wins:
SUN, NOV 1
Houston at Buffalo - Houston is the better team, with the better coach and an actually discernible scheme. Steve Slaton will go bonkers this week. Marshawn Lynch will make some advancements, as well. Look for Lee Evans and perhaps Roscoe Parrish or the newly forgettable Fred Jackson to end up with better numbers than they should because Houston still has a defense that is willing to get burned. Matt Schaub seems like a dome guy to me. There is no research allowed in my predictions so I can't cross-check this but I'm expecting Houston's passing game to have bigger problems this week than even an Andre Johnson injury will justify. Owen Daniels will be OK but I'm not counting on anyone else involved in throwing the ball or catching the ball for the Titans.
Cleveland at Chicago - Cleveland coaches are starting to reprimand Cleveland fans. It always worries me when a team's players or coaches start worrying about the fans. It means the team, or at least that individual, is cracking up from the inside. And Cleveland is starting from a precarious place to begin with. The coaching staff on hand has done a poor job of preparing their players for the games they are going to play and Brady Quinn's career is probably irreparably harmed. I'm fine with that because I've never had any faith in him to begin with but a good organization should have gotten Eli Manning level production out of him (their physical skills and mental make-ups, from what I can tell watching them on TV, are similar). The Browns have turned him into an Andre Ware style has-been that never got a legitimate chance. I don't expect a Jim Plunkett style career re-birth/awakening. Brady's got money for life and will just ride off into the sunset. This game? Both coaches will be fired by the time next season rolls around but Lovie Smith is at least safe until next week. The Browns might as well cut their losses now. Mangini is a terrible fit for them. Well, let's give him a draft and see if he has a plan but I'm going to make a bold proclamation based on what I saw from him in New York (hubris) and what I've seen so far from him in Cleveland (even more hubris splayed on top of a flaming train wreck): Mangini has no idea what the fuck is good for a team as a whole. He is too busy jerking off to his own image in the mirror. He's got great tits, I'll give him that, but a man who is drawn in by tits alone is going to sleep with some very ugly women or turn out to be gay. Tits are window dressing and one needs to examine the full picture before making an assessment. Give Cutler a shot this week. His TDs should outnumber his turnovers and he'll get some yardage for you, at the very least. Jonny Knox and, um, the Bears other... receiver... Dammit, who's good on the Bears again? Matt Forte is a shit-bomb but this might be a good week for him. His lack of talent overwhelms my expectations for a good game even here. Greg Olsen might get some numbers for you. He went to Miami so he's a pretty good tight end. Watch Forte get hurt and Garrett Wolfe go the fuck off. That would be classic. If that happens avoid the urge to pick up Garrett Wolfe. He's an even bigger piece of shit RB than Matt Forte.
Seattle at Dallas - You know what? Julius Jones will probably be alright here. The Seahawks shouldn't throw a lot or they will get ambushed. The Cowboys are vulnerable to big plays but you have to be able to soften them up. If Jim Mora (a somewhat stupid coach) has paid attention to the Cowboys defense he will run 40 times and take the 250 yds of passing that are available to his team pending 30 or fewer pass attempts. I'm guessing Seattle will throw 40 times and paradoxically short-circuit Matt Hasselbeck's fantasy value in this game by exposing him to 10-15 hits and several turnovers. The Cowboys are a mystery to me. Romo should be fine and Witten is a safe play at TE. The kicker will be OK as far as kickers go (is it still Nick Folk there?) and one of the running backs will score a TD or two. But everything is a roulette with them. If Romo locks onto Miles Austin this game will go down in flames. Austin could get some big plays but Dallas should do the same thing that the Seahawks should do: run the ball a lot.
St. Louis at Detroit - I think St. Louis wins by way of attrition. Actually, the Rams stats do not match their talent on offense so this is a good chance at a correction for them. I'm going out on a limb and predicting decent to good numbers for Danny Amendola and Donnie Avery. Each one shocks me at how piss-poor their production has been so far but here is a great chance to even things out. Steven Jackson will rock it this week. Kevin Smith will do some good things for the Lions but I'm still unsure of MegaTron's health and the QB position for the Lions is a joke for now. I would like to add that I'm not a staunch believer in Matt Stafford's long-term potential. Mark Bulger might be good for one good fantasy game this year. If so, this is going to be that one.
Denver at Baltimore - Uh, ummm, hmmm, ah, I want Baltimore to win. I sort of root for them and the Saints in the same way. Meaning I'd like them more if I perhaps lived in an area conducive to being a fan of theirs but I am in an area that doesn't entirely believe that either team actually exists. Baltimore's defense is falling apart due to age and coaching changes. The Broncos are congealing quite well so far this year. They are the Patriots Lite. I don't like the NFL because I don't feel the product delivered is consistently entertaining or even of high value on its own terms. Meaning, the NFL plays the worst brand of football available to the American public. The production values are high but I now understand how much a basketball fan from the 70's must have felt watching the NBA bog down under its own popularity in the 90's. Football is not played fundamentally well on the NFL-level and every second of the programming is an attempt to reach out to a non-traditional audience. I'm a believer that the NBA is being saved from its own worst impulses by coaches like Mike D'Antoni that took their teams and re-instilled strong fundamentals while playing up-tempo. The NFL needs a coach that is willing to tell his defense that they need to learn to tackle again because every single player in the NFL is constantly trying to blow up his opponent rather than focusing on wrapping up the ball-carrier and stripping the ball. That's it. That's what the NFL needs. Strong, fundamentally sound defensive football. It's more entertaining when the game is played well and truly talented players rise above the level of everyone else. There are very few players in the league today that make plays consistently. Adrian Peterson is god right now because he plays football well and he is strong and he is fast. You know who else is consistently awesome? Brandon Marshall. Look, the guy's an asshole who probably could justifiably spend some time in prison but the only positive contribution he can make to society as a whole right now is to play football in an entertaining way. Get it? I was getting around to this game in particular but needed to make that point here because the Baltimore Ravens defense is embodying for me right now what has gone wrong in the NFL. They get caught up in their own hype and forget how to tackle and end up giving up a big day to Cedric Benson. I firmly believe that Ced Benson is the biggest one-season fluke in the league since Christian Okoye. The Ravens helped build up this 16-game myth and now they deserve to lose. But I am not a firm believer in the propensity of the Broncos defenders, chief amongst them Champ Bailey, to maintain their desire and technique through the rigors of a full NFL season. I'll take Brandon Marshall in this game because he is the most-talented and thoroughly sound receiver in the game today when he is on the field. He is good in every aspect on a football field. I'll take Todd Heap in this game because he is a solid threat to score in this game. Either kicker could be a good play. I am not sticking my neck out on Kyle Orton but he could have a good game. I don't buy it with Joe Flacco yet and I probably never will. All the running backs in this game are a crap shoot because neither one of these teams is going to split up the rushing duties evenly or consistently from week to week. Why would I choose the Ravens to win? Because the NFL is making it's living these days on the fluky bullshit that passes for entertaining football and I happen to like Baltimore as a city better than I like Denver. Purely out of misplaced sentimentalism.
San Francisco at Indianapolis - No, I'm not picking the Niners. Indianapolis will lose at some point this year but I'll make my guess now that it will be an outdoor game played away from home. Alex Smith should be able to continue his work with Vernon Davis to some extent this week but he should probably start making a habit of looking towards Michael Crabtree right now. Because Crabtree is the key to a sustained passing attack for this team. He is the game changer. Davis is talented and plays well but he is a fringe guy in terms of impact. In a fantasy sense. Teams don't have to take him away to beat the 49ers. Frank Gore will struggle here, I think, so Alex Smith has to find Crabtree. Indy? If you've got any Indy players, you should know the drill by now. If you're sitting Peyton Manning at this point you'd better have Phillip Rivers and/or Drew Brees on your roster because no other QB is more reliable under any circumstances than Peyton Manning. If this Manning has a bad game this year, it's a one-week fluke. You aren't here to figure out which Colts to start. There is no borderline. You trust them or you don't and you've had them all year by now.
Miami at NY Jets - The Jest beat the Raiders last week. That's nice. Chad Henne has a stronger arm than Mark SanCHEZZZ and a better supporting cast. Ricky Williams, following the pattern of distribution that the Dolphins have followed for the last couple of years, will produce 9 yds rushing and about 16 yds receiving this week. Ronnie Brown will somehow be integral to the Dolphins win and help absolutely nobody win their fantasy week. The Dolphins will shut down the Jets running game and get some turnovers. The Dolphins and the Saints are doing their part to actually keep me entertained by pro football but it's an uphill battle.
NY Giants at Philadelphia - You know who cares about this game? Everybody in New Jersey. ESPN spent 30 minutes or so telling us this last year. I trust Brandon Jacobs, LeSean McCoy and Brent Celek in this game. I would not trust anybody else unless they are my only option. For instance, if my roster included Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning on the same team, I might start Alex Smith over either one of them. He's probably available and, even though one of these guys will have a better game than him, you don't know which of these two will be the victor. Oh, yeah, Steve Smith is pretty consistent. So play him every week. If you need me to tell you that you probably have missed every football reference in this column so far.
Jacksonville at Tennessee - Oh, good lord. The Titans have to become good again on some level, don't they? This sort of thing, going from 13-3 to 0-6 used to be allowed pre-merger but I'm stunned by the Titans this year. Albert Haynesworth might have needed them and they obviously needed him. His threats to kick linemen in the face when they are lying on the ground must somehow ring hollow in the Redskins locker room. Tennessee has apparently given up on blocking this year. I'm not serious. The run blocking is there. But Kerry Collins can't get rid of the ball fast enough and I'm not counting on Vince Young to do much better. But he will help them run the ball because the perception in the league is that he's still a threat to run. This may or may not be the actual case but the threat is still there. So VY will loosen things up Johnson & Doughboy. Jacksonville has MJD, David Garrard and Mike Sims-Walker. That should really be enough to win 10 games this year. It probably is not, though, because Mike Del Rio is even more overrated and below average as a coach than he was as a linebacker. Still, if you have those 3 guys go ahead and play them. I'm siding with Tennessee because they are overdue and coming off a bye week. Other than that they probably still have amnesia when it comes to playing good defense.
Oakland at San Diego - A lot was made earlier when these two teams played about the fact that Oakland was still in the game late. Zach Miller is a threat to go wild on San Diego this week but other than that I'd be surprised if Oakland keeps it within 30 this time around. San Diego is a vastly superior team in terms of talent and they're terrible defense might actually bother to show up this week. Any Chargers on your team should be starting this week. Rivers could go for 400 yds if the coaches let him. They should because this team needs to put their foot to the throttle for the rest of the year. Norv Turner is not great with the rhythms of head coaching so I wouldn't be surprised to see a 24-0 halftime turn into a 30-17 finale. Except for the part where the Raiders score 17 points. That's always a little surprising.
Carolina at Arizona - I am praying for Arizona to give Beanie Wells 30 carries this week. I'm telling you right now, Cardinals coaches, this will result in 150 yd+ performance. Don't get nervous and start giving the ball to Hightower, he knows the schemes and all that but has no chance to be a gamebreaker (seriously, how has he not been converted to FB yet? He should be the second coming of Lorenzo Neal by now). Don't go on auto-pilot and throw 57 passes this week. It seems easy because Carolina is a bad pass-defense but don't do it. The future of your season and perhaps your franchise rests on the idea that Beanie Wells is a legitimate threat to take over a football game. We all know that Larry Fitzgerald and FSU's best QB since Charlie Ward are gamebreakers at receiver. Most of the NFL, if not all of its fans, probably realizes that Steve Breaston is the best Michigan product playing receiver in the league right now. What teams probably don't realize is that a) your line actually a good run-blocking unit and b) Matt Leinart will be just fine when Kurt Warner goes down to inevitable injury. Get the adrenaline out of Matt Leinart now so he doesn't fuck you up in a crucial situation later and get Beanie Wells a lot of work starting this week. I am not going to say the Cardinals will blow the Panthers out because I actually think more highly of the Panthers coaching staff (Jake Delhomme's oddly defensible presence as the starter notwithstanding) than the Cards staff but there is that potential in this game. Only start DeAngelo Williams and, yeah, I'm saying it, Steve Smith for the Panthers.
Minnesota at Green Bay - Favre will throw about 20 passes this week. If he throws another game winner I will puke. Brett Favre deserves no mention in the MVP debate. None. He's a final piece, not the center-piece. Is anybody reading this that can help get the word out? Remember 5 months ago when the Vikings seemed like a potential Super Bowl contender when they had Tarvaris Jackson listed as their starter? Brett Favre is an upgrade from that but so would be Brady Quinn and Jamarcus Russell. Tarvaris Jackson was drafted behind those guys and everyone that had him pegged as a 4th rounder or lower was right. The Vikings fucked up on that pick. Sidney Rice? That was justifiable. He's still no Randy Moss but he also isn't as much of an asshole as Randy Moss. Adrian Peterson deserves MVP votes. He's the guy making this offense work. A really great RB will always do that for you. I can't fathom that the Colts never won a Super Bowl with Edgerrin James and I hope AD does not suffer the same fate. The Vikings should trade for Kevin Kolb in the offseason. Aaron Rodgers is a legitimate MVP pick if the Packers end up with 11 or more wins. He's a good start this week. So are Donald Driver Greg Jennings, James Jefferson and Ryan Grant.
MON, NOV 2
Atlanta at New Orleans - Dangerous game for the Saints but I bet they come out fired up. Atlanta gave up some big plays to the Cowboys last week and the Saints play the same offense as the Cowboys but 4 years more advanced. Drew Brees is Tony Romo x3. And I count myself as a Romo defender. He needs some valium before big games but the Romo backlash is even dumber than the Romo deification was 2 years ago. He might be Danny White in the long run but Danny White was better than most people remember. And better than 90% of 1st rounders at QB. I'm taking Shockey, Colston, Pierre Thomas, and Meachem in this game. Matt Ryan is one of those guys that bothers me because I'm never sure when he will have a huge game but he's a threat every week. The Saints D has lived on turnovers more than 3 and outs so far this year. The Falcons don't turn the ball over much usually but their run game has been horrible this year. Keep Gonzalez, White and Ryan in your starting line-up but don't reach for any sleepers on this Falcons team. Not this week, at least.
Have fun, Happy Halloween and go see some scary movies this weekend. There have been some good ones this year.
I don't have much to offer in terms of terrible entertainment news/reactions/predictions so I'll leave that aspect alone this week. My over-arching fantasy themes for the week are: a) at what point does Miles Austin fail completely, b) is the Jamaal Charles gravy train really off and rolling, and c) how much "arm" does Alex Smith really have? Let's get on with it then. Purple always wins:
SUN, NOV 1
Houston at Buffalo - Houston is the better team, with the better coach and an actually discernible scheme. Steve Slaton will go bonkers this week. Marshawn Lynch will make some advancements, as well. Look for Lee Evans and perhaps Roscoe Parrish or the newly forgettable Fred Jackson to end up with better numbers than they should because Houston still has a defense that is willing to get burned. Matt Schaub seems like a dome guy to me. There is no research allowed in my predictions so I can't cross-check this but I'm expecting Houston's passing game to have bigger problems this week than even an Andre Johnson injury will justify. Owen Daniels will be OK but I'm not counting on anyone else involved in throwing the ball or catching the ball for the Titans.
Cleveland at Chicago - Cleveland coaches are starting to reprimand Cleveland fans. It always worries me when a team's players or coaches start worrying about the fans. It means the team, or at least that individual, is cracking up from the inside. And Cleveland is starting from a precarious place to begin with. The coaching staff on hand has done a poor job of preparing their players for the games they are going to play and Brady Quinn's career is probably irreparably harmed. I'm fine with that because I've never had any faith in him to begin with but a good organization should have gotten Eli Manning level production out of him (their physical skills and mental make-ups, from what I can tell watching them on TV, are similar). The Browns have turned him into an Andre Ware style has-been that never got a legitimate chance. I don't expect a Jim Plunkett style career re-birth/awakening. Brady's got money for life and will just ride off into the sunset. This game? Both coaches will be fired by the time next season rolls around but Lovie Smith is at least safe until next week. The Browns might as well cut their losses now. Mangini is a terrible fit for them. Well, let's give him a draft and see if he has a plan but I'm going to make a bold proclamation based on what I saw from him in New York (hubris) and what I've seen so far from him in Cleveland (even more hubris splayed on top of a flaming train wreck): Mangini has no idea what the fuck is good for a team as a whole. He is too busy jerking off to his own image in the mirror. He's got great tits, I'll give him that, but a man who is drawn in by tits alone is going to sleep with some very ugly women or turn out to be gay. Tits are window dressing and one needs to examine the full picture before making an assessment. Give Cutler a shot this week. His TDs should outnumber his turnovers and he'll get some yardage for you, at the very least. Jonny Knox and, um, the Bears other... receiver... Dammit, who's good on the Bears again? Matt Forte is a shit-bomb but this might be a good week for him. His lack of talent overwhelms my expectations for a good game even here. Greg Olsen might get some numbers for you. He went to Miami so he's a pretty good tight end. Watch Forte get hurt and Garrett Wolfe go the fuck off. That would be classic. If that happens avoid the urge to pick up Garrett Wolfe. He's an even bigger piece of shit RB than Matt Forte.
Seattle at Dallas - You know what? Julius Jones will probably be alright here. The Seahawks shouldn't throw a lot or they will get ambushed. The Cowboys are vulnerable to big plays but you have to be able to soften them up. If Jim Mora (a somewhat stupid coach) has paid attention to the Cowboys defense he will run 40 times and take the 250 yds of passing that are available to his team pending 30 or fewer pass attempts. I'm guessing Seattle will throw 40 times and paradoxically short-circuit Matt Hasselbeck's fantasy value in this game by exposing him to 10-15 hits and several turnovers. The Cowboys are a mystery to me. Romo should be fine and Witten is a safe play at TE. The kicker will be OK as far as kickers go (is it still Nick Folk there?) and one of the running backs will score a TD or two. But everything is a roulette with them. If Romo locks onto Miles Austin this game will go down in flames. Austin could get some big plays but Dallas should do the same thing that the Seahawks should do: run the ball a lot.
St. Louis at Detroit - I think St. Louis wins by way of attrition. Actually, the Rams stats do not match their talent on offense so this is a good chance at a correction for them. I'm going out on a limb and predicting decent to good numbers for Danny Amendola and Donnie Avery. Each one shocks me at how piss-poor their production has been so far but here is a great chance to even things out. Steven Jackson will rock it this week. Kevin Smith will do some good things for the Lions but I'm still unsure of MegaTron's health and the QB position for the Lions is a joke for now. I would like to add that I'm not a staunch believer in Matt Stafford's long-term potential. Mark Bulger might be good for one good fantasy game this year. If so, this is going to be that one.
Denver at Baltimore - Uh, ummm, hmmm, ah, I want Baltimore to win. I sort of root for them and the Saints in the same way. Meaning I'd like them more if I perhaps lived in an area conducive to being a fan of theirs but I am in an area that doesn't entirely believe that either team actually exists. Baltimore's defense is falling apart due to age and coaching changes. The Broncos are congealing quite well so far this year. They are the Patriots Lite. I don't like the NFL because I don't feel the product delivered is consistently entertaining or even of high value on its own terms. Meaning, the NFL plays the worst brand of football available to the American public. The production values are high but I now understand how much a basketball fan from the 70's must have felt watching the NBA bog down under its own popularity in the 90's. Football is not played fundamentally well on the NFL-level and every second of the programming is an attempt to reach out to a non-traditional audience. I'm a believer that the NBA is being saved from its own worst impulses by coaches like Mike D'Antoni that took their teams and re-instilled strong fundamentals while playing up-tempo. The NFL needs a coach that is willing to tell his defense that they need to learn to tackle again because every single player in the NFL is constantly trying to blow up his opponent rather than focusing on wrapping up the ball-carrier and stripping the ball. That's it. That's what the NFL needs. Strong, fundamentally sound defensive football. It's more entertaining when the game is played well and truly talented players rise above the level of everyone else. There are very few players in the league today that make plays consistently. Adrian Peterson is god right now because he plays football well and he is strong and he is fast. You know who else is consistently awesome? Brandon Marshall. Look, the guy's an asshole who probably could justifiably spend some time in prison but the only positive contribution he can make to society as a whole right now is to play football in an entertaining way. Get it? I was getting around to this game in particular but needed to make that point here because the Baltimore Ravens defense is embodying for me right now what has gone wrong in the NFL. They get caught up in their own hype and forget how to tackle and end up giving up a big day to Cedric Benson. I firmly believe that Ced Benson is the biggest one-season fluke in the league since Christian Okoye. The Ravens helped build up this 16-game myth and now they deserve to lose. But I am not a firm believer in the propensity of the Broncos defenders, chief amongst them Champ Bailey, to maintain their desire and technique through the rigors of a full NFL season. I'll take Brandon Marshall in this game because he is the most-talented and thoroughly sound receiver in the game today when he is on the field. He is good in every aspect on a football field. I'll take Todd Heap in this game because he is a solid threat to score in this game. Either kicker could be a good play. I am not sticking my neck out on Kyle Orton but he could have a good game. I don't buy it with Joe Flacco yet and I probably never will. All the running backs in this game are a crap shoot because neither one of these teams is going to split up the rushing duties evenly or consistently from week to week. Why would I choose the Ravens to win? Because the NFL is making it's living these days on the fluky bullshit that passes for entertaining football and I happen to like Baltimore as a city better than I like Denver. Purely out of misplaced sentimentalism.
San Francisco at Indianapolis - No, I'm not picking the Niners. Indianapolis will lose at some point this year but I'll make my guess now that it will be an outdoor game played away from home. Alex Smith should be able to continue his work with Vernon Davis to some extent this week but he should probably start making a habit of looking towards Michael Crabtree right now. Because Crabtree is the key to a sustained passing attack for this team. He is the game changer. Davis is talented and plays well but he is a fringe guy in terms of impact. In a fantasy sense. Teams don't have to take him away to beat the 49ers. Frank Gore will struggle here, I think, so Alex Smith has to find Crabtree. Indy? If you've got any Indy players, you should know the drill by now. If you're sitting Peyton Manning at this point you'd better have Phillip Rivers and/or Drew Brees on your roster because no other QB is more reliable under any circumstances than Peyton Manning. If this Manning has a bad game this year, it's a one-week fluke. You aren't here to figure out which Colts to start. There is no borderline. You trust them or you don't and you've had them all year by now.
Miami at NY Jets - The Jest beat the Raiders last week. That's nice. Chad Henne has a stronger arm than Mark SanCHEZZZ and a better supporting cast. Ricky Williams, following the pattern of distribution that the Dolphins have followed for the last couple of years, will produce 9 yds rushing and about 16 yds receiving this week. Ronnie Brown will somehow be integral to the Dolphins win and help absolutely nobody win their fantasy week. The Dolphins will shut down the Jets running game and get some turnovers. The Dolphins and the Saints are doing their part to actually keep me entertained by pro football but it's an uphill battle.
NY Giants at Philadelphia - You know who cares about this game? Everybody in New Jersey. ESPN spent 30 minutes or so telling us this last year. I trust Brandon Jacobs, LeSean McCoy and Brent Celek in this game. I would not trust anybody else unless they are my only option. For instance, if my roster included Donovan McNabb and Eli Manning on the same team, I might start Alex Smith over either one of them. He's probably available and, even though one of these guys will have a better game than him, you don't know which of these two will be the victor. Oh, yeah, Steve Smith is pretty consistent. So play him every week. If you need me to tell you that you probably have missed every football reference in this column so far.
Jacksonville at Tennessee - Oh, good lord. The Titans have to become good again on some level, don't they? This sort of thing, going from 13-3 to 0-6 used to be allowed pre-merger but I'm stunned by the Titans this year. Albert Haynesworth might have needed them and they obviously needed him. His threats to kick linemen in the face when they are lying on the ground must somehow ring hollow in the Redskins locker room. Tennessee has apparently given up on blocking this year. I'm not serious. The run blocking is there. But Kerry Collins can't get rid of the ball fast enough and I'm not counting on Vince Young to do much better. But he will help them run the ball because the perception in the league is that he's still a threat to run. This may or may not be the actual case but the threat is still there. So VY will loosen things up Johnson & Doughboy. Jacksonville has MJD, David Garrard and Mike Sims-Walker. That should really be enough to win 10 games this year. It probably is not, though, because Mike Del Rio is even more overrated and below average as a coach than he was as a linebacker. Still, if you have those 3 guys go ahead and play them. I'm siding with Tennessee because they are overdue and coming off a bye week. Other than that they probably still have amnesia when it comes to playing good defense.
Oakland at San Diego - A lot was made earlier when these two teams played about the fact that Oakland was still in the game late. Zach Miller is a threat to go wild on San Diego this week but other than that I'd be surprised if Oakland keeps it within 30 this time around. San Diego is a vastly superior team in terms of talent and they're terrible defense might actually bother to show up this week. Any Chargers on your team should be starting this week. Rivers could go for 400 yds if the coaches let him. They should because this team needs to put their foot to the throttle for the rest of the year. Norv Turner is not great with the rhythms of head coaching so I wouldn't be surprised to see a 24-0 halftime turn into a 30-17 finale. Except for the part where the Raiders score 17 points. That's always a little surprising.
Carolina at Arizona - I am praying for Arizona to give Beanie Wells 30 carries this week. I'm telling you right now, Cardinals coaches, this will result in 150 yd+ performance. Don't get nervous and start giving the ball to Hightower, he knows the schemes and all that but has no chance to be a gamebreaker (seriously, how has he not been converted to FB yet? He should be the second coming of Lorenzo Neal by now). Don't go on auto-pilot and throw 57 passes this week. It seems easy because Carolina is a bad pass-defense but don't do it. The future of your season and perhaps your franchise rests on the idea that Beanie Wells is a legitimate threat to take over a football game. We all know that Larry Fitzgerald and FSU's best QB since Charlie Ward are gamebreakers at receiver. Most of the NFL, if not all of its fans, probably realizes that Steve Breaston is the best Michigan product playing receiver in the league right now. What teams probably don't realize is that a) your line actually a good run-blocking unit and b) Matt Leinart will be just fine when Kurt Warner goes down to inevitable injury. Get the adrenaline out of Matt Leinart now so he doesn't fuck you up in a crucial situation later and get Beanie Wells a lot of work starting this week. I am not going to say the Cardinals will blow the Panthers out because I actually think more highly of the Panthers coaching staff (Jake Delhomme's oddly defensible presence as the starter notwithstanding) than the Cards staff but there is that potential in this game. Only start DeAngelo Williams and, yeah, I'm saying it, Steve Smith for the Panthers.
Minnesota at Green Bay - Favre will throw about 20 passes this week. If he throws another game winner I will puke. Brett Favre deserves no mention in the MVP debate. None. He's a final piece, not the center-piece. Is anybody reading this that can help get the word out? Remember 5 months ago when the Vikings seemed like a potential Super Bowl contender when they had Tarvaris Jackson listed as their starter? Brett Favre is an upgrade from that but so would be Brady Quinn and Jamarcus Russell. Tarvaris Jackson was drafted behind those guys and everyone that had him pegged as a 4th rounder or lower was right. The Vikings fucked up on that pick. Sidney Rice? That was justifiable. He's still no Randy Moss but he also isn't as much of an asshole as Randy Moss. Adrian Peterson deserves MVP votes. He's the guy making this offense work. A really great RB will always do that for you. I can't fathom that the Colts never won a Super Bowl with Edgerrin James and I hope AD does not suffer the same fate. The Vikings should trade for Kevin Kolb in the offseason. Aaron Rodgers is a legitimate MVP pick if the Packers end up with 11 or more wins. He's a good start this week. So are Donald Driver Greg Jennings, James Jefferson and Ryan Grant.
MON, NOV 2
Atlanta at New Orleans - Dangerous game for the Saints but I bet they come out fired up. Atlanta gave up some big plays to the Cowboys last week and the Saints play the same offense as the Cowboys but 4 years more advanced. Drew Brees is Tony Romo x3. And I count myself as a Romo defender. He needs some valium before big games but the Romo backlash is even dumber than the Romo deification was 2 years ago. He might be Danny White in the long run but Danny White was better than most people remember. And better than 90% of 1st rounders at QB. I'm taking Shockey, Colston, Pierre Thomas, and Meachem in this game. Matt Ryan is one of those guys that bothers me because I'm never sure when he will have a huge game but he's a threat every week. The Saints D has lived on turnovers more than 3 and outs so far this year. The Falcons don't turn the ball over much usually but their run game has been horrible this year. Keep Gonzalez, White and Ryan in your starting line-up but don't reach for any sleepers on this Falcons team. Not this week, at least.
Have fun, Happy Halloween and go see some scary movies this weekend. There have been some good ones this year.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Heisman Poll of One
I re-discovered Heisman Pundit this week and I wish I hadn't. I don't agree with most of the stuff that's written there and my purity of thought seems compromised. I've got to clear my head to find my original voice again. While Grosse Pointe Blank is playing and I'm in real danger of losing my car because I can't make any money. I want to sell paintings, why is that so hard? I keep watching football and choking on tears. Well, get ready for sadness cause here comes a dollop of who should win the Heisman! Not at all related to who will win the trophy, this is my list of who I would vote for and then a few extras that I'd consider based entirely on games that I've watched. Let me rephrase that. I wouldn't vote for someone I never watched play but stats and game outcomes count for something, too. Even so, my favorite is a guy who plays for an unranked, 3-loss team from a "lesser" conference. Let's just go ahead and do this, okay?
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - I'm not joking and I'm not overstating things here. This guy is the best player in the country based on his on-field performance. He's a force of nature. I see a lot of comments on Heisman Pundit that his case is reminiscent of Marshall Faulk's case. Well, I'm ok with that. Marshall Faulk probably deserved 2 Heisman trophies. The problem with Mathews is that he plays on an unhyped team in games that usually start at midnight Eastern Standard Time.
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - This candidate's lack of viability bothers me more than Mathews. Keenum has a fucking great arm and looks fairly polished to me. I've seen him compared to Andre Ware and David Klingle as a "system" quarterback but isn't it more fair to compare him to a QB from the same system? I've tried to get across how much I love the run & shoot offense and my memories of Ware and Klingler probably outstrip actual performance for both of them but let's be realistic. Case Keenum is like a better version of Kevin Kolb, the QB that directly preceded him at UH. If you watched Kolb play when Donovan McNabb got hurt, you can probably take that as a complement. Keenum looks amazing when I watch him. He hits every throw and he's pretty great at avoiding pressure. His yardage numbers were lower than normal last week but his team won easily.
3.) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - I really would have liked it if he pulled off the upset against USC. It would've made everything else academic. He'd be the winner. He pulled them back and had them in position to win all on the strength of his arm. Then this motherfucker goes and makes three terrible reads and three terrible throws in a row to end the game. Jimmy, Jimmy, you need to come back next year because you need some polish. Especially if Notre Dame hires a really good coach this offseason. I like watching Clausen play and he's been this good but I can't put my heart behind him after he lost his composure when he needed it most.
4.) Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama - I'm keeping him on the list. I've been saying it all year. Just because he doesn't produce stats doesn't mean he's not the best player on the field 99% of the time he's out there. He plays a position that doesn't produce a lot of stats. And he does not play in a scheme like Ndamukong Suh where it's a possibility. Suh reminds me of Richard Seymour and Cody reminds me of Sam Adams. Pretty good players. I don't even know that one is over the other in NFL history and I could see the argument that Suh is more "projectable" to the league. But 'Bama's defense is better than Nebraska's and the fact that Ronaldo McClain and Javier Arenas are free to make all the plays they make, plus the fact that Alabama is a legitimate argument for #1 in the country puts Cody higher on my voting list. Blocked field goals are pretty equal.
5.) Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska - Okay, I give up. This goddamned motherfucker is the baddest fuck in the Big XII. Nobody can fuck with him. I don't want anything to do with hyping Nebraska but this dude kills. Too bad his team sucks. He should have gone somewhere else. Like Miami. Fuck this guy.
The rest of the bests:
Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - I am sick of him putting me to sleep every week. You're supposed to be the best. I want to believe it. Everyone is waiting to believe it. I don't believe it right now.
Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Fuck you.
Ryan Williams, RB, Virginia Tech - I like him better as a player than Mark Ingram. And then Va Tech goes and shits themselves against Georgia Tech. Which leads us to...
John Dwyer, RB, Georgia Tech - Good runner disappeared against Miami and then got hurt, in that order. He does not make me want to watch.
C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson - I never know what to expect from this guy. He's good in big games and then disappears against bullshit teams. The "total yardage leader" mantle is kind of bullshit. If Ryan Mathews were returning kicks I have a feeling he could do pretty well there, too.
Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - Why is he down here? I forgot to put him in the top 5. I would have put him 3rd and moved everyone else back accordingly if I hadn't spaced out. Devine is worth the time investment of watching a West Virginia game.
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I like him. I do. But he is in a good position. He's a legit 1st rounder in the 2011 NFL Draft. His backup is a legit top 5 pick in the 2012 NFL Draft. And Julio Jones takes some pressure away from Ingram, too. Because teams have to watch Greg McElroy staring at Julio Jones all day long. Even on handoffs.
Kellen Moore, QB, Boise State - Because he leads the nation in passing efficiency? No, because he needs to be addressed again as the machine rolls around in his direction. Kellen Moore is good. He's not great. He's not irreplaceable and he doesn't belong in the discussion. But he's there.
Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame - Again, move it along. He's good but not that good.
Demayrius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech - Best receiver in the country. Barely registers because his team only throws about 5 times per game.
Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Jacory, you kill me. What's up with the INT's, you little fucker? You fucked up against Clemson and you goddam well know it. Get it together or The U is going to slip again. You know what I'd rather have than your accountability? 2 more wins.
I'm cutting out right here. I'm not linking to non-contender contenders. I should have put a link on Noel Devine but I am lazy and sick of thinking about this dumb shit.
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - I'm not joking and I'm not overstating things here. This guy is the best player in the country based on his on-field performance. He's a force of nature. I see a lot of comments on Heisman Pundit that his case is reminiscent of Marshall Faulk's case. Well, I'm ok with that. Marshall Faulk probably deserved 2 Heisman trophies. The problem with Mathews is that he plays on an unhyped team in games that usually start at midnight Eastern Standard Time.
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - This candidate's lack of viability bothers me more than Mathews. Keenum has a fucking great arm and looks fairly polished to me. I've seen him compared to Andre Ware and David Klingle as a "system" quarterback but isn't it more fair to compare him to a QB from the same system? I've tried to get across how much I love the run & shoot offense and my memories of Ware and Klingler probably outstrip actual performance for both of them but let's be realistic. Case Keenum is like a better version of Kevin Kolb, the QB that directly preceded him at UH. If you watched Kolb play when Donovan McNabb got hurt, you can probably take that as a complement. Keenum looks amazing when I watch him. He hits every throw and he's pretty great at avoiding pressure. His yardage numbers were lower than normal last week but his team won easily.
3.) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - I really would have liked it if he pulled off the upset against USC. It would've made everything else academic. He'd be the winner. He pulled them back and had them in position to win all on the strength of his arm. Then this motherfucker goes and makes three terrible reads and three terrible throws in a row to end the game. Jimmy, Jimmy, you need to come back next year because you need some polish. Especially if Notre Dame hires a really good coach this offseason. I like watching Clausen play and he's been this good but I can't put my heart behind him after he lost his composure when he needed it most.
4.) Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama - I'm keeping him on the list. I've been saying it all year. Just because he doesn't produce stats doesn't mean he's not the best player on the field 99% of the time he's out there. He plays a position that doesn't produce a lot of stats. And he does not play in a scheme like Ndamukong Suh where it's a possibility. Suh reminds me of Richard Seymour and Cody reminds me of Sam Adams. Pretty good players. I don't even know that one is over the other in NFL history and I could see the argument that Suh is more "projectable" to the league. But 'Bama's defense is better than Nebraska's and the fact that Ronaldo McClain and Javier Arenas are free to make all the plays they make, plus the fact that Alabama is a legitimate argument for #1 in the country puts Cody higher on my voting list. Blocked field goals are pretty equal.
5.) Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska - Okay, I give up. This goddamned motherfucker is the baddest fuck in the Big XII. Nobody can fuck with him. I don't want anything to do with hyping Nebraska but this dude kills. Too bad his team sucks. He should have gone somewhere else. Like Miami. Fuck this guy.
The rest of the bests:
Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - I am sick of him putting me to sleep every week. You're supposed to be the best. I want to believe it. Everyone is waiting to believe it. I don't believe it right now.
Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Fuck you.
Ryan Williams, RB, Virginia Tech - I like him better as a player than Mark Ingram. And then Va Tech goes and shits themselves against Georgia Tech. Which leads us to...
John Dwyer, RB, Georgia Tech - Good runner disappeared against Miami and then got hurt, in that order. He does not make me want to watch.
C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson - I never know what to expect from this guy. He's good in big games and then disappears against bullshit teams. The "total yardage leader" mantle is kind of bullshit. If Ryan Mathews were returning kicks I have a feeling he could do pretty well there, too.
Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - Why is he down here? I forgot to put him in the top 5. I would have put him 3rd and moved everyone else back accordingly if I hadn't spaced out. Devine is worth the time investment of watching a West Virginia game.
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I like him. I do. But he is in a good position. He's a legit 1st rounder in the 2011 NFL Draft. His backup is a legit top 5 pick in the 2012 NFL Draft. And Julio Jones takes some pressure away from Ingram, too. Because teams have to watch Greg McElroy staring at Julio Jones all day long. Even on handoffs.
Kellen Moore, QB, Boise State - Because he leads the nation in passing efficiency? No, because he needs to be addressed again as the machine rolls around in his direction. Kellen Moore is good. He's not great. He's not irreplaceable and he doesn't belong in the discussion. But he's there.
Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame - Again, move it along. He's good but not that good.
Demayrius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech - Best receiver in the country. Barely registers because his team only throws about 5 times per game.
Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Jacory, you kill me. What's up with the INT's, you little fucker? You fucked up against Clemson and you goddam well know it. Get it together or The U is going to slip again. You know what I'd rather have than your accountability? 2 more wins.
I'm cutting out right here. I'm not linking to non-contender contenders. I should have put a link on Noel Devine but I am lazy and sick of thinking about this dumb shit.
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