It's too late to predict anything in the Dolphins - Panthers game. I would have, for the record, chosen the Dolphins and said Ricky Williams is going to have a big game. That didn't happen soon enough, though, so this is what you'll get. Ricky Williams just totally beasted the Panthers defense and now his yardage looks amazing. Good game, Ricky, you have the greatest birthday of all time. Great announcing, btw. Ricky Williams needs to play like he did in New Orleans? You mean back when everyone thought he was a bust? His best years came in Miami. If you've got him, I'm sure you're fine with it.
I was 10-5 on my game predictions last week, so I'm 50-32 for the year. That would be a 10-6 average season, which would get some coaches into the HOF. Even though it looks like two playoff appearances with no wins. The New Browns would take that. Purple wins and I'm not even going to take credit for the Dolphins thing so I'll just skip it entirely.
THURSDAY
Miami at Carolina - NO PICK
SUNDAY
Washington at Dallas - Dallas looked ridiculous against Green Bay. I wish I could talk to Jerry Jones about his coaching but I'm pretty sure he would just keep pretending that Wade Phillips is the playcaller. I wold tell Mr. Jones that his team is built to run and he needs to trust the running game for much longer than he did last Sunday. If you go 3 and out every drive in the first half, keep running the ball. You will pick it up eventually and you will score. Your passing offense is a bit of a sham. Having said all that, I don't think Marion Barber is a very good play this week. Ladell Betts is a great start and Fred Davis should be a good option if you need a TE. Neiter QB is a safe play. I don't know who's healthy enough to trust on the Redskins but Santana Moss has destroyed the Cowboys a few times in his career.
Cleveland at Detroit - I'm going with Detroit. They're similarly talented to the Ravens on offense and the Browns offense couldn't score consistently against high school teams. I reject Gregg Easterbrook's valuation of play calling entirely. Good play calling may not be statistically difficult but it is significant. Eric Mangini is a bad coach. If you've got anybody from either of these teams you know what to do with them. Trade Megatron now before he becomes Braylon Edwards, Pt. II: "Roy Williams, Pt. III" and is untradeable. That only applies to keeper leagues, obviously.
San Francisco at Green Bay - I don't think that game against the Cowboys was a total mirage but I don't think it's a good representation of what the Packers defense should be expected to do from here on, either. If you've got Vernon Davis, he's a great play. If you have Aaron Rodgers, Ryan Grant, Greg Jennings, or even Spence Havner, you'll be fine here. Frank Gore will get more than 16 carries and that means he will get a good amount of points. Fuck you, Cowboys.
Pittsburgh at Kansas City - I was really trying to justify picking the Chiefs but I can't do it. If they win that's awesome but don't pretend it makes sense afterwards. The Chiefs aren't particularly good at anything. Chris Chambers looked good last week but is still Chris Chambers. Bowe is out, though, so if you need a WR for this week, Chambers is as good as you'll find. Mendenhall, Wallace, Miller, Rapelisbergere, Ward and the Steelers D seem like fantastic plays for this week.
Atlanta at NY Giants - I've never though all that much of Michael Turner and the Giants were terrible before their bye. The bye week always helps, though, unless your whole team is fucked up. The Giants only real weak spot is their massively average QB. Even Kevin Boss might look like a champ this week.
New Orleans at Tampa Bay - The Saints are in that position where they might be trying too hard to stay undefeated. It's a dumb excuse to say that teams need to lose a game to get it out of their systems. The Saints should keep winning as much as they can under all circumstances. But their games will be much closer than they should be from here on out. Like this game. Remember that if they win by 100. They should have won by 200. KII is the only safe play on the Bucs. But I'd put in Carnell Williams if I had him.
Buffalo at Jacksonville - This is a perfect game for Buffalo to win. They aren't a bad team, they just play so conservatively. They should be running it 35-40 times a game while switching backs almost constantly. And they should throw deep a lot. Lee Evans is good. Make it work, coach whose name I can't remember! Of course, he's a DC so he will be a terrible offensive coach. MJD will have the same over-the-top kind of game he seems to have every week. But Buffalo will get some fake hope this week.
Indianapolis at Baltimore - Yes! This is the kind of game Indy can lose! I want a matchup of 18-0 teams in the Super Bowl but the odds are verrrrrry against it. The Ravens need to win and they will run a lot against the Colts. I bet this is way more high-scoring than whatever the O/U indicates. Play Flacco this week. Seriously.
Seattle at Minnesota - Seattle started off like they were going to win last week. That was cute. The Minnesota Vikings will forcibly gay marriage their asses this week, though. It is going to get really gay in the Target City Metrodome. Brett Favre is sure to throw lots of passes after the Vikings have the game rolled up and every single member of the Vikings roster and coaching staff will pick a member of the opposing organization and have sex with them. Gay. Real Gay. Adrian Peterson will spurt all over the field and force the Seahawks players to drink it.
Arizona at St. Louis - Arizona should have a better record. I hope they keep giving it to Beanie Wells because he's good. And the Rams aren't. Supposedly, according to an ESPN article I read earlier, Donnie Avery is a good start this week. I wouldn't be surprised if the Rams have one of their 112 yds total offense style games.
NY Jets at New England - High score of the week. Belichek was making a decent call when he went for it on 4th & 2 last week. He called the wrong play, but the underlying theory was sound. Randy Moss will score 4 of the Patriots 16 TDs this week. I wouldn't even start Thomas Jones on the Jets this week. So wait for the Ex-Titans win.
Cincinnati at Oakland - I picked up Larry Johnson hoping he would go to a team with no obvious starter at RB. Ced Benson might be on his way back to Ced Benson-land now after his injury. So LJ could be a good pickup for two weeks from now. I don't trust any of the Raiders RBs because they don't seem to have a team understanding of why any of the three is getting the ball on a given play. Look for Gradkowski to make Jamarcus Russell look like a legit NFL starter.
San Diego at Denver - The Broncos are fading and the Chargers are pretty OK. Denver's D is not great but the Chargers will not have great yardage in this game. Look for Vincent Jackson to suck again this week against Champ Bailey because Vincent Jackson isn't really great. Antonio Gates is awesome, and he'll be the best player in this game.
Philadelphia at Chicago - Philly is inconsistent but the Bears aren't good enough to make that matter. McNabb will not be super-awesome this week but he'll be good. LeSean McCoy is just as good as Brian Westbrook, which is why it's really dumb that Westbrook was playing when he got another concussion last week. Look for a Flipper Anderson style breakout game from DeSean Jackson. Fuck the Bears.
MON, NOV 23
Tennessee at Houston - I like the Titans to keep it going. Especially CJ. Watch this game if you want to see the all-time record for yds rushing in a game get challenged. If you play in a league that gives you points for KR yards you have to pick up Jacoby Jones. He is maybe the 4th option on most plays but he gets some receiving yards and the Texans give up a ton of points, so he gets lots of return yards, with the off chance that he returns one for a TD. Vince Young needs to be awesome for 7 straight games at least before I'd consider starting him. Andre Johnson is my favorite WR in the league and he should be more or less healthy this week. Still, Titans are more legit as a good team than they were as a fluky bad team.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
College Football Week 12 Forecast (Sat., Nov 21st)
I was pretty terrible with my picks last week. 32 correct, 27 incorrect (255-118 on the year). That's a bad record for college football. I'm white, so it would be good enough to get me through 5 years at Notre Dame but after that? I wonder if Bob Stoops can really resurrect that program. It's iffy. I really hate all the commentators who bring up the stringent academic requirements at Notre Dame being an impediment to recruiting. What does that mean? Do Notre Dame players have a higher mean SAT than Stanford players? Because I could swear that I've seen Stanford beat USC twice in the last 3 years, once as a 41-point underdog. So did the stringent academic standards keep Notre Dame from going after Jim Harbaugh as their head coach? It's not like football players on any major programs recruiting list are held to the same standards as regular students. You might have the few freakish athletes that are also abnormally intelligent (the best I can think of for football is Robert Smith, who starred at Ohio State after The Cure broke up for the first time, but I'm sure there are lots of others) but, for the mostpart, these programs are all recruiting from the same pool of players. I have never read a feature or rumors page that had a top recruit choosing Florida over Notre Dame because the classes at ND are too hard. You can say anything you want to about party schools but you know where the party is for the football team? Anywhere in town when they win. So Notre Dame is more likely losing recruits to losing than they are too high academic standards. And if you want to pull graduation rates into this discussion (Texas, Florida and Oklahoma are abysmal in this regard) then, please, have the balls to point out that Miami has a higher grad rate than Notre Dame. Bet Miami gets back into the Top5 before Notre Dame, too.
I've been watching this stuff all year, I swear. Last week I wiped out on an overdose of trying to find a spot for Boise State in the National Championship game. If college football had a real playoff (32 team+ field) I would put BSU in my final 4. On the other hand, I blew the Stanford USC prediction last week and it seems really obvious in hindsight, doesn't it? I kind of expected Miami to lot to UNC-Chapel Hill and I said so in the column last week. It still hurts. My fave Heisman contenders both stumbled last week. Ryan Mathews got hurt and Case Keenum lost. No trophies heading their ways after all. Keenum should take comfort in the fact that he's probably going to end up the top QB in next year's draft. His game has the least holes of any of the top prospects. Maybe Mathews proved his worth even more through injury than he would have by playing. Whatever it was that fucked up my record, TCU ground my whole thesis into dirt to begin with by shattering Utah (most impressive win of the year so far by ANYBODY, by the way). Enough looking back, lets slap some purple color on my winners and be off! I'll try to get the NFL thing done before halftime tonight but I make no promises. I'm trying out highlighting instead of changing the font color but I end up with weird patterns because there is no choice for "no highlight" just a choice to highlight in white.
WEDNESDAY - I totally missed these games. I'm so used to the Tuesday and Sunday games I forgot all about the silent but present idiocy of Wednesday night football.
Buffalo 42, Miami (OH) 17
Central Michigan 35, Ball State 3
THURSDAY
Colorado at No. 12 Oklahoma State - I had considered a Colorado win here but then I thought about it.
FRIDAY
Akron at Bowling Green
Eastern Michigan at Toledo
No. 6 Boise State at Utah State
SATURDAY
No. 10 Ohio State at Michigan
Minnesota at No. 13 Iowa
Duke at No. 20 Miami (FL) - Miami needs this game, which is embarrassing.
Maryland at Florida State - Whatever shit-sucker bowl FSU gets for winning is beneath the program and the invitation should be rejected.
Louisville at South Florida
North Carolina at Boston College
Chattanooga at No. 2 Alabama
Mississippi State at Arkansas
Florida International at No. 1 Florida
Oklahoma at Texas Tech - At least these two teams are about equal in their relation to each other as they were expected to be in the preseason. Oklahoma is really weird because they have great players all over the field and they all get hurt semi-regularly.
Memphis at No. 24 Houston - They stunk it up last week against a terrible UCF team but Keenum is still the best QB in college football.
Kent State at Temple - Bernard Pierce! Takes over for Ryan Mathews as the best RB in college football that nobody cares about. Temple could end the year in the Top 25. That should earn the Freshman of the Year a few Heisman votes but people that vote for things like that just watch football coverage, not games.
No. 4 TCU at Wyoming - OK, I get it, TCU, you bunch of assholes. You're really good. That's great.
Iowa State at Missouri
Northern Illinois at Ohio
Tulane at UCF - UCF beat Houston last week so they might be on a roll or whatever it is you call it when a bottom-feeder in CUSA beats a good CUSA team and then plays another bottom feeder the next week.
Connecticut at Notre Dame - Just keep doing what you're doing, Coach Weis.
No. 8 LSU at Mississippi - LSU won't get a BCS bowl, anyway, so they might as well lose now.
No. 14 Penn State at Michigan State - I though about it.
North Carolina State at No. 15 Virginia Tech
No. 16 Wisconsin at Northwestern
Air Force at No. 22 Brigham Young
Virginia at No. 23 Clemson - Clemson should win by 50, which means Spiller won't do anything this week. He'll play for 1 quarter.
Purdue at Indiana
UAB at East Carolina
Rutgers at Syracuse
UTEP at Rice
Baylor at Texas A&M
San Diego State at No. 21 Utah
Arizona State at UCLA
Army at North Texas - Army just barely beat VMI last week. North Texas just fired their coach, didn't they? It's the no-research zone up in this blog so I don't know for sure.
Florida Atlantic at Troy
Southern Methodist at Marshall
Arkansas State at Middle Tennessee State
No. 19 Oregon State at Washington State
Louisiana Tech at Fresno State - No Mathews = No Win.
Colorado State at New Mexico - I'm sure this is a heated rivalry or something.
Louisiana-Monroe at Louisiana-Lafayette - Game of the week!!!!!!!!!!!
Vanderbilt at Tennessee
No. 25 California at No. 17 Stanford - I haven't checked but I hope to God that Jahvid Best is not playing again this year.
Tulsa at Southern Miss
Kentucky at Georgia - If Georgia can beat Ga Tech then all is forgiven. Mark Richt should still bolt for FSU when the chance arises.
Kansas State at Nebraska
Kansas at No. 3 Texas
No. 11 Oregon at Arizona - Arizona makes me fall asleep when I see them so I might have been missing some things with them. I think Oregon's got a lot of players who are better than anybody on the Arizona roster.
Hawaii at San Jose State
Nevada at New Mexico State
I've been watching this stuff all year, I swear. Last week I wiped out on an overdose of trying to find a spot for Boise State in the National Championship game. If college football had a real playoff (32 team+ field) I would put BSU in my final 4. On the other hand, I blew the Stanford USC prediction last week and it seems really obvious in hindsight, doesn't it? I kind of expected Miami to lot to UNC-Chapel Hill and I said so in the column last week. It still hurts. My fave Heisman contenders both stumbled last week. Ryan Mathews got hurt and Case Keenum lost. No trophies heading their ways after all. Keenum should take comfort in the fact that he's probably going to end up the top QB in next year's draft. His game has the least holes of any of the top prospects. Maybe Mathews proved his worth even more through injury than he would have by playing. Whatever it was that fucked up my record, TCU ground my whole thesis into dirt to begin with by shattering Utah (most impressive win of the year so far by ANYBODY, by the way). Enough looking back, lets slap some purple color on my winners and be off! I'll try to get the NFL thing done before halftime tonight but I make no promises. I'm trying out highlighting instead of changing the font color but I end up with weird patterns because there is no choice for "no highlight" just a choice to highlight in white.
WEDNESDAY - I totally missed these games. I'm so used to the Tuesday and Sunday games I forgot all about the silent but present idiocy of Wednesday night football.
Buffalo 42, Miami (OH) 17
Central Michigan 35, Ball State 3
THURSDAY
Colorado at No. 12 Oklahoma State - I had considered a Colorado win here but then I thought about it.
FRIDAY
Akron at Bowling Green
Eastern Michigan at Toledo
No. 6 Boise State at Utah State
SATURDAY
No. 10 Ohio State at Michigan
Minnesota at No. 13 Iowa
Duke at No. 20 Miami (FL) - Miami needs this game, which is embarrassing.
Maryland at Florida State - Whatever shit-sucker bowl FSU gets for winning is beneath the program and the invitation should be rejected.
Louisville at South Florida
North Carolina at Boston College
Chattanooga at No. 2 Alabama
Mississippi State at Arkansas
Florida International at No. 1 Florida
Oklahoma at Texas Tech - At least these two teams are about equal in their relation to each other as they were expected to be in the preseason. Oklahoma is really weird because they have great players all over the field and they all get hurt semi-regularly.
Memphis at No. 24 Houston - They stunk it up last week against a terrible UCF team but Keenum is still the best QB in college football.
Kent State at Temple - Bernard Pierce! Takes over for Ryan Mathews as the best RB in college football that nobody cares about. Temple could end the year in the Top 25. That should earn the Freshman of the Year a few Heisman votes but people that vote for things like that just watch football coverage, not games.
No. 4 TCU at Wyoming - OK, I get it, TCU, you bunch of assholes. You're really good. That's great.
Iowa State at Missouri
Northern Illinois at Ohio
Tulane at UCF - UCF beat Houston last week so they might be on a roll or whatever it is you call it when a bottom-feeder in CUSA beats a good CUSA team and then plays another bottom feeder the next week.
Connecticut at Notre Dame - Just keep doing what you're doing, Coach Weis.
No. 8 LSU at Mississippi - LSU won't get a BCS bowl, anyway, so they might as well lose now.
No. 14 Penn State at Michigan State - I though about it.
North Carolina State at No. 15 Virginia Tech
No. 16 Wisconsin at Northwestern
Air Force at No. 22 Brigham Young
Virginia at No. 23 Clemson - Clemson should win by 50, which means Spiller won't do anything this week. He'll play for 1 quarter.
Purdue at Indiana
UAB at East Carolina
Rutgers at Syracuse
UTEP at Rice
Baylor at Texas A&M
San Diego State at No. 21 Utah
Arizona State at UCLA
Army at North Texas - Army just barely beat VMI last week. North Texas just fired their coach, didn't they? It's the no-research zone up in this blog so I don't know for sure.
Florida Atlantic at Troy
Southern Methodist at Marshall
Arkansas State at Middle Tennessee State
No. 19 Oregon State at Washington State
Louisiana Tech at Fresno State - No Mathews = No Win.
Colorado State at New Mexico - I'm sure this is a heated rivalry or something.
Louisiana-Monroe at Louisiana-Lafayette - Game of the week!!!!!!!!!!!
Vanderbilt at Tennessee
No. 25 California at No. 17 Stanford - I haven't checked but I hope to God that Jahvid Best is not playing again this year.
Tulsa at Southern Miss
Kentucky at Georgia - If Georgia can beat Ga Tech then all is forgiven. Mark Richt should still bolt for FSU when the chance arises.
Kansas State at Nebraska
Kansas at No. 3 Texas
No. 11 Oregon at Arizona - Arizona makes me fall asleep when I see them so I might have been missing some things with them. I think Oregon's got a lot of players who are better than anybody on the Arizona roster.
Hawaii at San Jose State
Nevada at New Mexico State
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Heisman for Sunday
Ryan Mathews got hurt, Case Keenum lost and didn't look as great as normal (still, he's a legit #1 overall if the team drafting wants a QB). Toby Gerhart looked just the same against USC as he did against Oregon. He destroyed USC and now Stanford is ranked. I think he's #1 right now. I might not even be alone in this. He scores tons of TDs and he's carrying his team. Mark Ingram is awesome and he was the difference against LSU but in most games you could take your pick between 4 guys as to who was the team leader (and I usually take Mount Cody). Touchdown Tommy II is the obvious difference every week for the Cardinal. I'm not voting but I get the impression I'm not alone in my "anybody but McCoy" mentality. That guy looks like what I think of when I hear the term "system QB" used as an insult. McCoy is a good college QB who plays on a great team. If Case Keenum were playing in that system this year, Texas would have scored 100 pts in at least 2 games. Tim Tebow is a college-only great player. In spite of what Fran Tarkenton might think, mechanics matter a lot. The thing about throwing mechanics, as it applies to Tim Tebow, is that he winds up to throw the ball. He will get hit a lot and he will telegraph too many passes to succeed in the NFL if he plays like this. I get the impression that he is capable of fixing his issues bur he is a project. I don't have any idea who is a good QB coach for him but he needs someone good. But I digress, this is a college football discussion. I wouldn't vote for Tebow if I had a Heisman vote but Jesus is a worhwhile candidate. Florida's skill players are undisciplined and the Gators would probably be a 3-loss team without Tim Tebow. Here is my flash analysis new top 5:
1.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford
2.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama
3.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston
4.) Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
5.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
1.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford
2.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama
3.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston
4.) Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
5.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State
Friday, November 13, 2009
Heisman Gangbang For the second Saturday in November
Ryan Mathews is still #1 in my mind and in my heart but I doubt the jerkwads who vote for the Heisman will see it my way at all. I've got a fast riser on the list but I doubt he will make it through the weekend intact. Jimmy Clausen is gone. Thank you Navy for aligning my conscience and my intellect. These are my imaginary votes for the Heisman up until this point in the season. If I could vote for the awards, this would be my ballot. And then there are some others considered at the end. I am crunched for time and will not have links to stats/profiles for the players so just bear with me. I might come back later and add links but probably not.
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - Easily the best running back in the country based on performance. Pretty much the most entertaining player as well. I don't have any criteria for "best" that trumps those two. If you have to go to a sports bar to watch this guy play you should do it. Mark Ingram is pretty good, too, but this is the fucking show right here. Does he play weak competition? Sure, a little bit weak. But his best game of the year was against Boise State. They're pretty good. And he destroyed them with 3 runs of over 60 yds in the same game. CSUF lost but that's not even close to Mathews' fault. This guy is The REAL Jesus of college football (TRJ for short).
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - I'm almost as much in the bag for this guy as I am for Mathews. That game last week was awesome and Keenum definitely kept hope alive. That and the guy who dropped the onside kick at the end. Case Keenum was still the guy that put UH in position to win on the last second FG. If you haven't seen Keenum play and you still hold onto the antiquated notion that Houston runs a run & shoot and their QBs can't hack it in the league, fuck you. Watch him play and try to give logical reasons as to why Colt McCoy's weak arm and questionable decisions are more deserving of a Heisman vote. Houston is fun to watch so do it.
3.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I give up. I watched him trucking defenders against UT-Knoxville and it clicked for me. OK, Ingram winning the Heisman is perfectly legitimate. Now I'm thawing on my stance that he doesn't deserve it because he isn't the best player on his team. I like Richardson long-term a lot better but this guy is really fucking good. Shaun Alexander good but with a much better team around him. Why am I selling Mount Cody down the river like this? I'm not, he's #4.
4.) Terrence Cody, DL, Alabama - This guy might be a bust in the NFL but I'd be surprised. First of all, he won't get drafted as highly as his rep would make it seem. Second of all, being a big fatass with good quickness is pretty much what you need to play D-Line. Third, he's reaaaaaalllllllllly fat. He reminds me of Sam Adams, which is good. Sam Adams played in the NFL starting in 1776 and just retired a year or two ago.
5.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford - Good show, Touchdown Tommy II, you destroyed Oregon. Chris Owusu is awesome and Andy Luck frees up a lot for Gerhart but it was Toby chucking Oregon defenders all over the place and scoring over and over and over. I am a little bit hesitant to put him higher because I have a bad feeling about what USC's defense will do tomorrow but if the season were over now, Toby would get a vote from me.
Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - He's got the opps to move up and the whole season for the Gators actually hinges on the SEC championship so I wouldn't really mind if Tebow ends up winning the thing even though he's bored me all year and can't throw the ball without shotputting it.
Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - He deserves consideration but I don't think he's better than the other guys I've written up here. He could move up. Wait til next year, you will hear of him.
1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - Easily the best running back in the country based on performance. Pretty much the most entertaining player as well. I don't have any criteria for "best" that trumps those two. If you have to go to a sports bar to watch this guy play you should do it. Mark Ingram is pretty good, too, but this is the fucking show right here. Does he play weak competition? Sure, a little bit weak. But his best game of the year was against Boise State. They're pretty good. And he destroyed them with 3 runs of over 60 yds in the same game. CSUF lost but that's not even close to Mathews' fault. This guy is The REAL Jesus of college football (TRJ for short).
2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - I'm almost as much in the bag for this guy as I am for Mathews. That game last week was awesome and Keenum definitely kept hope alive. That and the guy who dropped the onside kick at the end. Case Keenum was still the guy that put UH in position to win on the last second FG. If you haven't seen Keenum play and you still hold onto the antiquated notion that Houston runs a run & shoot and their QBs can't hack it in the league, fuck you. Watch him play and try to give logical reasons as to why Colt McCoy's weak arm and questionable decisions are more deserving of a Heisman vote. Houston is fun to watch so do it.
3.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I give up. I watched him trucking defenders against UT-Knoxville and it clicked for me. OK, Ingram winning the Heisman is perfectly legitimate. Now I'm thawing on my stance that he doesn't deserve it because he isn't the best player on his team. I like Richardson long-term a lot better but this guy is really fucking good. Shaun Alexander good but with a much better team around him. Why am I selling Mount Cody down the river like this? I'm not, he's #4.
4.) Terrence Cody, DL, Alabama - This guy might be a bust in the NFL but I'd be surprised. First of all, he won't get drafted as highly as his rep would make it seem. Second of all, being a big fatass with good quickness is pretty much what you need to play D-Line. Third, he's reaaaaaalllllllllly fat. He reminds me of Sam Adams, which is good. Sam Adams played in the NFL starting in 1776 and just retired a year or two ago.
5.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford - Good show, Touchdown Tommy II, you destroyed Oregon. Chris Owusu is awesome and Andy Luck frees up a lot for Gerhart but it was Toby chucking Oregon defenders all over the place and scoring over and over and over. I am a little bit hesitant to put him higher because I have a bad feeling about what USC's defense will do tomorrow but if the season were over now, Toby would get a vote from me.
Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - He's got the opps to move up and the whole season for the Gators actually hinges on the SEC championship so I wouldn't really mind if Tebow ends up winning the thing even though he's bored me all year and can't throw the ball without shotputting it.
Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - He deserves consideration but I don't think he's better than the other guys I've written up here. He could move up. Wait til next year, you will hear of him.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
NFL Week 10 - Trying To Heed The Curve
It's week 10 in the NFL and that means Thursday night football! Wait. It does? Why? How long has this been going on? Well, it ruins my already problematic rhythm of doing Heisman writing on Thursday and NFL on Friday. But I might have messed that up in the past, too. This is no research just opinion idiocy brought to you by the Comedy Corporation. Funny, right? No. The correct answer was, "no."
Last week was a rough stretch here at laugh-o. 7-6 is the kind of result that gets one fired and replaced by air. 40-27 on the year is looking more like Charlie Weis' head coaching resume. Is it time to cave in and start writing about basketball? No, it's not. I haven't really been watching the early NBA action and my interest in college basketball is wholly centered around the won-lost record of the Georgetown Hoyas. I'm determined to have more good weeks of picking games starting right now. This is, like, so serious. Here have them, the purple team is the winner.
THU, NOV 12
Chicago at San Francisco - Enough of this curse business from Gregg Easterbrook. Crabtree and Alex Smith both need a win. These are two teams that both seem to be sinking except that the 49ers play well every week and just lose. Maybe they'll give up and start getting blown out, maybe they'll keep fighting. I think Crabtree, Gore, Vernon Davis and the 49ers D are pretty good plays in this game. Alex Smith might be OK but I don't trust him yet. Jay Cutler can only be helpful in fantasy football but you'll never be an NFL GM so that should be good enough for you. I have a fantasy team with its fortunes tied to Matt Forte's production. If you can avoid this situation, do so at all costs. Apparently Ced Benson wasn't the problem for all those years in Chicago.
I am posting this with no write-ups just so I can be ahead of the game tonight. I'll come back and edit later.
EDITED!!!!!
SUN, NOV 15
New Orleans at St. Louis - How much advice do you need here? OK, how about this, Rams goddamn awful receivers are untrustworthy in even blowout conditions and Marc Bulger seems likely to throw a ton of interceptions. Steven Jackson should have some value because he's the best receiver on the team and he might break a big TD because that's always possible with him. If you have anybody on your fantasy team that wears the Saints uniform you should know to start them pretty much every week, especially against a bottom-feeder like the Rams. I'm going to guess the final as somewhere near 50-21, Saints win.
Tampa Bay at Miami - Tampa won last week and the rookie QB looks a little better than the 2nd year QB that the Bucs have been trotting out. They put up some points and I'm thinking that Derrick Ward might be a decent play. Sammie Stroughter might see some yardage, too. But the last time I thought the Bucs had a shot they put up 56 yds of offense for the whole game.
Detroit at Minnesota - See the Rams write-up. Adrian Peterson could see 200 yds in one half. It might be worth it to play Chester Taylor in this one. It's really bad. I think Megatron is still out. Matt Stafford is OK as a rookie. Any good performances on Detroit are a mistake. Vikings by 39.
Jacksonville at NY Jets - I don't like either of these teams. The Jets are a terrible team masquerading as a below average team. MJD is great and David Garrard will be OK. I'd stay away from Sims-Walker, though. Darrelle Revis is the real deal even if the rest of his team isn't. Thomas Jones should be good for yards. One of the Jets pass catchers will be good in this one but I don't know for sure which one it will be. Maybe Dustin Keller?
Buffalo at Tennessee - Don't play anyone on the Bills until further notice. Titans have Chris Johnson, at least. Good enough for 3 in a row!
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - I don't think one of these teams is necessarily better than the other but I do think Ced Benson will have a horrible game this week. I've been wrong all year about that but I've just got a feeling, you know? Both QB's and both WR corps should be good plays. I'm a strong advocate for Rashard Mendenhall.
Denver at Washington - The Redskins are already at the bottom. Ladell Betts will be fine in this game. Brandon Marshall is a good bet to score the only TD in this game. Should be a loser for fantasy offenses but both defenses should be OK.
Atlanta at Carolina - Play every RB and Matty Ice in this game. Roddy Smith isn't hurt, is he? I don't remember. He might be. I might have invented that. Keep an eye on it. Tony Gonzalez is still an automatic start.
Kansas City at Oakland - Dwayne Bowe, Zack Miller, and Huggy Bear Jr. are the only possible plays in this game. DHB is coming around but Jamarcus Russell is not. I'd consider either defense if my regular D were on a bye. Should be low-scoring and full of turnovers.
Seattle at Arizona - The third in a series of terrible matchups for Super Bowl contenders. Don't think it's a good idea to play any Seahawks for the rest of the year but particularly here. Play every Cardinal, even Hightower. 634-8, final score. You heard it here first.
Dallas at Green Bay - You know? I'm a believer in the Cowboys offense for this game. Lots of yards, good amount of points. Play Romo, Austin, Witten, Barber and maybe Felix Jones. Aaron Rodgers and the starting WRs for Green Bay are worth a start, too. Don't fuck with these defenses, though, they're both kind of crappy.
Philadelphia at San Diego - I'm going with the home team but I'm not totally sure of this. Both QBs should be strong and I like LeSean McCoy a lot, DeSean Jackson is awesome, and Darren Sproles is a pretty steady performer. For my own selfish purposes I want Vincent Jackson to go off and from my perspective it seems more than possible. This game will be pretty high scoring.
New England at Indianapolis - NFL refs will never allow it but I want the Colts to win by at least 20. I don't know that anyone beyond the obvious big names is a very good play in this one.
MON, NOV 16
Baltimore at Cleveland - Brady Quinn, welcome back! 3 INTs seems like a reasonable goal. But he might throw for more, let's not undersell him. Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Todd Heap and Whacko Flacco are guaranteed to score 3 TDs apiece. Wait, maybe my math is wrong. Would that be possible if the team only scores 105? Maybe put Cribbs in your lineup if you get points for return yards. Unless he's hurt. Then you probably are better off getting your points someplace else.
Stay drunk and don't drive in school!
Last week was a rough stretch here at laugh-o. 7-6 is the kind of result that gets one fired and replaced by air. 40-27 on the year is looking more like Charlie Weis' head coaching resume. Is it time to cave in and start writing about basketball? No, it's not. I haven't really been watching the early NBA action and my interest in college basketball is wholly centered around the won-lost record of the Georgetown Hoyas. I'm determined to have more good weeks of picking games starting right now. This is, like, so serious. Here have them, the purple team is the winner.
THU, NOV 12
Chicago at San Francisco - Enough of this curse business from Gregg Easterbrook. Crabtree and Alex Smith both need a win. These are two teams that both seem to be sinking except that the 49ers play well every week and just lose. Maybe they'll give up and start getting blown out, maybe they'll keep fighting. I think Crabtree, Gore, Vernon Davis and the 49ers D are pretty good plays in this game. Alex Smith might be OK but I don't trust him yet. Jay Cutler can only be helpful in fantasy football but you'll never be an NFL GM so that should be good enough for you. I have a fantasy team with its fortunes tied to Matt Forte's production. If you can avoid this situation, do so at all costs. Apparently Ced Benson wasn't the problem for all those years in Chicago.
EDITED!!!!!
SUN, NOV 15
New Orleans at St. Louis - How much advice do you need here? OK, how about this, Rams goddamn awful receivers are untrustworthy in even blowout conditions and Marc Bulger seems likely to throw a ton of interceptions. Steven Jackson should have some value because he's the best receiver on the team and he might break a big TD because that's always possible with him. If you have anybody on your fantasy team that wears the Saints uniform you should know to start them pretty much every week, especially against a bottom-feeder like the Rams. I'm going to guess the final as somewhere near 50-21, Saints win.
Tampa Bay at Miami - Tampa won last week and the rookie QB looks a little better than the 2nd year QB that the Bucs have been trotting out. They put up some points and I'm thinking that Derrick Ward might be a decent play. Sammie Stroughter might see some yardage, too. But the last time I thought the Bucs had a shot they put up 56 yds of offense for the whole game.
Detroit at Minnesota - See the Rams write-up. Adrian Peterson could see 200 yds in one half. It might be worth it to play Chester Taylor in this one. It's really bad. I think Megatron is still out. Matt Stafford is OK as a rookie. Any good performances on Detroit are a mistake. Vikings by 39.
Jacksonville at NY Jets - I don't like either of these teams. The Jets are a terrible team masquerading as a below average team. MJD is great and David Garrard will be OK. I'd stay away from Sims-Walker, though. Darrelle Revis is the real deal even if the rest of his team isn't. Thomas Jones should be good for yards. One of the Jets pass catchers will be good in this one but I don't know for sure which one it will be. Maybe Dustin Keller?
Buffalo at Tennessee - Don't play anyone on the Bills until further notice. Titans have Chris Johnson, at least. Good enough for 3 in a row!
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - I don't think one of these teams is necessarily better than the other but I do think Ced Benson will have a horrible game this week. I've been wrong all year about that but I've just got a feeling, you know? Both QB's and both WR corps should be good plays. I'm a strong advocate for Rashard Mendenhall.
Denver at Washington - The Redskins are already at the bottom. Ladell Betts will be fine in this game. Brandon Marshall is a good bet to score the only TD in this game. Should be a loser for fantasy offenses but both defenses should be OK.
Atlanta at Carolina - Play every RB and Matty Ice in this game. Roddy Smith isn't hurt, is he? I don't remember. He might be. I might have invented that. Keep an eye on it. Tony Gonzalez is still an automatic start.
Kansas City at Oakland - Dwayne Bowe, Zack Miller, and Huggy Bear Jr. are the only possible plays in this game. DHB is coming around but Jamarcus Russell is not. I'd consider either defense if my regular D were on a bye. Should be low-scoring and full of turnovers.
Seattle at Arizona - The third in a series of terrible matchups for Super Bowl contenders. Don't think it's a good idea to play any Seahawks for the rest of the year but particularly here. Play every Cardinal, even Hightower. 634-8, final score. You heard it here first.
Dallas at Green Bay - You know? I'm a believer in the Cowboys offense for this game. Lots of yards, good amount of points. Play Romo, Austin, Witten, Barber and maybe Felix Jones. Aaron Rodgers and the starting WRs for Green Bay are worth a start, too. Don't fuck with these defenses, though, they're both kind of crappy.
Philadelphia at San Diego - I'm going with the home team but I'm not totally sure of this. Both QBs should be strong and I like LeSean McCoy a lot, DeSean Jackson is awesome, and Darren Sproles is a pretty steady performer. For my own selfish purposes I want Vincent Jackson to go off and from my perspective it seems more than possible. This game will be pretty high scoring.
New England at Indianapolis - NFL refs will never allow it but I want the Colts to win by at least 20. I don't know that anyone beyond the obvious big names is a very good play in this one.
MON, NOV 16
Baltimore at Cleveland - Brady Quinn, welcome back! 3 INTs seems like a reasonable goal. But he might throw for more, let's not undersell him. Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Todd Heap and Whacko Flacco are guaranteed to score 3 TDs apiece. Wait, maybe my math is wrong. Would that be possible if the team only scores 105? Maybe put Cribbs in your lineup if you get points for return yards. Unless he's hurt. Then you probably are better off getting your points someplace else.
Stay drunk and don't drive in school!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
College Football Week 11 - BCS Bukkake!
I have a dream of what this season can become. It's a convoluted dream filled with destruction and hypocrites. I'm sure that even if every game result that I want to happen in the top 10 of the BCS between now and the time that the bowls begin I still would not get the result I want. Because I've figured out how Boise State can play in the BCS title game. It involves a lot of upsets on rivalry weekend. And everything needs to turn out right this week for it to even have a possibility of happening. Please god read what I write in the coming weeks. Please. I need validation.
I went 37-16 last week. Right about my normal range. I got Navy over Notre Dame but I honestly would have picked that way whether I believed it or not. I couldn't quite countenance the Stanford win but I was aware of Stanford's talent (I still like Owusu better than Touchdown Tommy II but I can't deny Gerhart his place in the Heisman race for this week). My worst misses were picking Wyoming over BYU (52-0 the wrong way. And by the wrong way I mean it the same way Sublime did. Which is up the ass) and I picked SDSU to upset TCU. I didn't watch the game but I think TCU actually just spotted SDSU their 12 points then the Horned Frogs went out and scored 55 points in 13 minutes and they called it a game. Something like that anyway. I'm at 223-98 for the year. I feel OK with that standing. The drill is, as always, the team written in purple is my predicted winner.
TUESDAY
Ohio 27, Buffalo 24 - never ever ever ever ever ever ever will I pick the Tuesday game. Well, shit, it's already Wednesday, right?
WEDNESDAY
Toledo at Central Michigan - This game might have already happened. I don't know and I don't care all that much. It's funny if I got it wrong.
THURSDAY
Bowling Green at Miami (OH) - Well, my whole premise in picking games is that I do no research so I can't look this up. I think these teams have combined for 2 wins this year. It will become 3 by the end of this game!
Ball State at Northern Illinois - I can't remember everything.
No. 24 South Florida at Rutgers - USF fucks up every time they look like they're on a roll. They'll probably beat Miami.
FRIDAY
No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati - This is an important part of my plan. I actually think the Big East is fairly strong from top-to-bottom so I don't think this is UC's last chance to fail. But this is the best chance they have. West Va has been awful on offense lately and Cincinnati is one of the best defensive teams in the country. I don't care. I need this for my dream scenario.
Temple at Akron - Bernard Pierce! I saw Temple got a few votes in one of the polls this week. Also, I've discovered that they are in the MAC in football. What the fuck? Can't some other A10 schools put together football programs and have an A10 conference in football? It would be easier, I suppose, if the NCAA adopted my plan to have a single D-I for football (similar to basketball) and a season-ending tournament to crown a champion (similar to every other division of football other than D-IA and, also, every other team sport on the planet). I want Pierce to light it up and get Temple into the top 25.
SATURDAY
No. 3 Texas at Baylor - OK, my plan is not really this dumb. I'm hoping for the 'Horns to lose the Big XII title game but I will keep picking against them for as long as I must.
No. 7 Georgia Tech at Duke - Georgia Tech is a fraud, aren't they? I don't believe a team could get wiped out by this year's Miami team the way these guys did without being a bad team. Miami is a good team this year, a slightly fringe top 20 (just wait and see - I hope I'm wrong), with one major asset. They're really fast. They aren't disciplined and they don't really play as a team all the time.
No. 15 Houston at UCF - Keenum needs to keep putting up 500 yds/week to really have a shot at a Heisman. He wears Klingler's number so maybe he can go for 11 tds this week.
Indiana at No. 18 Penn State - Wouldn't be shocked by an Indiana win. Slightly surprised would be the more apt phrase.
Michigan at No. 20 Wisconsin - Why would anything in the Big 10 make sense? All 11 teams in the Big 10 suck. That's why they combine to only equal 10.
Syracuse at Louisville - Holy shit. This is a disaster.
South Dakota State at Minnesota
Tennessee at Mississippi - Jevan Snead has been terrible all season and this will be his worst game yet.
Clemson at North Carolina State - NC State is a shitty team and Clemson is on a roll. The ACC is just as bad as the Big 10.
Florida State at Wake Forest - I want to believe.
Virginia Military Institute at Army - Hmmm. Of all the IA vs. IAA games that could be played, this is one of the few that makes sense.
Northwestern at Illinois - Wowzers. I'm familiar with the work of the Zooker so I can't pick any team he coaches.
Michigan State at Purdue
Kentucky at Vanderbilt
Missouri at Kansas State - I don't trust K-State yet but Bill Snyder's moving them in the right direction.
No. 21 Virginia Tech at Maryland - Why are the Hokies still ranked?
UAB at Memphis
Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan - ?????
No. 22 Brigham Young at New Mexico - Whatever, BYU. Whatever.
Colorado at Iowa State - Oh, Dan Hawkins, how bad have you made the WAC look?
San Jose State at Utah State
UTEP at Southern Methodist - You know, these two coaches probably shouldn't be at these two schools. Wazzou can still take Price back, can't they? I don't know the story there. If the fans and regents aren't too mad at him it seems like it's worth a try. What could go wrong? Is Washington State going to somehow lose all their games even more?
No. 1 Florida at South Carolina - Florida can actually afford a loss and still make the BCS title game but that game has to be during the next two weeks.
Idaho at No. 6 Boise State - Boise State obviously needs to win every game if they are going to even finish top 5.
Stanford at No. 9 USC - I don't trust the Stanford momentum. Really, if last week's game were in Oregon it wouldn't have even been a Stanford win. USC, on the other hand, could probably lose to Washington State at this point and it would be slightly surprising but also only drop them to #15.
No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State - I'd like to see Iowa finish 8-4. They seem like an 8-4 team from a middling conference.
No. 14 Miami (FL) at North Carolina - I don't really believe Miami will win this game. I don't like to say that. I want Miami to win this game by 60. Probably more than any other game all year I want Miami to win by a huge amount.
Washington at No. 23 Oregon State - Jacquizz Rodgers won't win the Heisman. He has even lost his hype in the Pac 10.
Tulane at Rice
Boston College at Virginia - Hahahahahahahah! I'm kidding but whatever. I'm not picking against UVa.
Nebraska at Kansas - Nebraska beat Oklahoma last week and has a legitimate claim to the best single player in college football. But they're also a horrible train wreck on offense and can find ways to give up points and lose no matter what Suh does.
Delaware at Navy - Uh, go Middies. I guess. I hate the 12 game schedule so much.
Arkansas State at Florida Atlantic
Western Kentucky at Louisiana-Monroe
Fresno State at Nevada - Mathews, listen to me. You can't get the credit you deserve without at least 1 game of over 300 yds. The more the merrier, in fact. Don't take plays off and steal the ball from the QB if he drops back to pass. You're in the huddle with him so you should know when it's coming. If it take 70 carries to get the yards you need? So be it. Make it fucking happen. I'm sick of having nobody I know even realize you exist.
Louisiana-Lafayette at Middle Tennessee State
Southern Miss at Marshall
UCLA at Washington State - You might get the impression I'm trying to lose 30 games this week. You might be right. Like a fox.
UNLV at Air Force
No. 2 Alabama at Mississippi State - Alabama needs to lose before the SEC title game and lose the SEC title game in order to have Boise play in the BCS title game. 'Bama will roll the Mississippi State Bulldogs but they might lose the Iron Bowl. Auburn's not that bad and the Iron Bowl is their only big game left. Including whatever shitty bowl game they go and lose. The Iron Bowl is awesome. I'd watch it even if both teams were 1-10 coming in, because they will still play a great game just so they don't have to listen to some drunken rednecks tell them for the rest of their lives that they suck. Even if the only bad game they ever played was against Alabama/Auburn.
Louisiana Tech at No. 8 LSU
Auburn at Georgia - I said all that stuff about the Iron Bowl so now I feel compelled to take Auburn. Realistically I think the biggest difference between these two teams is where the game is played.
Texas A&M at Oklahoma - Big Game Bob. Whoo.
North Texas at Florida International
No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU - This needs to happen. My dream scenario is impossible if TCU keeps winning. Utah is a totally legit team so this can happen even though TCU has looked inde-fucking-structable the last couple of weeks.
Troy at Arkansas
Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh - Good night, sweetheart, now it's time to go...
Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State - Final score prediction: 24-23. Yep, that's not very high at all.
Wyoming at San Diego State
New Mexico State at Hawaii
Arizona State at No. 13 Oregon
No. 17 Arizona at California - Berkeley is only happy when it rains. They're only happy when it's complicated.
SUNDAY
East Carolina at Tulsa - This is just such a stupid trend that I can't handle it. The NCAA is a bunch of fucking jerkass idiots. That is all.
Have some fun with this if you read it. Predict my record for the week! That should be fun for you if you've made it this far.
I went 37-16 last week. Right about my normal range. I got Navy over Notre Dame but I honestly would have picked that way whether I believed it or not. I couldn't quite countenance the Stanford win but I was aware of Stanford's talent (I still like Owusu better than Touchdown Tommy II but I can't deny Gerhart his place in the Heisman race for this week). My worst misses were picking Wyoming over BYU (52-0 the wrong way. And by the wrong way I mean it the same way Sublime did. Which is up the ass) and I picked SDSU to upset TCU. I didn't watch the game but I think TCU actually just spotted SDSU their 12 points then the Horned Frogs went out and scored 55 points in 13 minutes and they called it a game. Something like that anyway. I'm at 223-98 for the year. I feel OK with that standing. The drill is, as always, the team written in purple is my predicted winner.
TUESDAY
Ohio 27, Buffalo 24 - never ever ever ever ever ever ever will I pick the Tuesday game. Well, shit, it's already Wednesday, right?
WEDNESDAY
Toledo at Central Michigan - This game might have already happened. I don't know and I don't care all that much. It's funny if I got it wrong.
THURSDAY
Bowling Green at Miami (OH) - Well, my whole premise in picking games is that I do no research so I can't look this up. I think these teams have combined for 2 wins this year. It will become 3 by the end of this game!
Ball State at Northern Illinois - I can't remember everything.
No. 24 South Florida at Rutgers - USF fucks up every time they look like they're on a roll. They'll probably beat Miami.
FRIDAY
No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati - This is an important part of my plan. I actually think the Big East is fairly strong from top-to-bottom so I don't think this is UC's last chance to fail. But this is the best chance they have. West Va has been awful on offense lately and Cincinnati is one of the best defensive teams in the country. I don't care. I need this for my dream scenario.
Temple at Akron - Bernard Pierce! I saw Temple got a few votes in one of the polls this week. Also, I've discovered that they are in the MAC in football. What the fuck? Can't some other A10 schools put together football programs and have an A10 conference in football? It would be easier, I suppose, if the NCAA adopted my plan to have a single D-I for football (similar to basketball) and a season-ending tournament to crown a champion (similar to every other division of football other than D-IA and, also, every other team sport on the planet). I want Pierce to light it up and get Temple into the top 25.
SATURDAY
No. 3 Texas at Baylor - OK, my plan is not really this dumb. I'm hoping for the 'Horns to lose the Big XII title game but I will keep picking against them for as long as I must.
No. 7 Georgia Tech at Duke - Georgia Tech is a fraud, aren't they? I don't believe a team could get wiped out by this year's Miami team the way these guys did without being a bad team. Miami is a good team this year, a slightly fringe top 20 (just wait and see - I hope I'm wrong), with one major asset. They're really fast. They aren't disciplined and they don't really play as a team all the time.
No. 15 Houston at UCF - Keenum needs to keep putting up 500 yds/week to really have a shot at a Heisman. He wears Klingler's number so maybe he can go for 11 tds this week.
Indiana at No. 18 Penn State - Wouldn't be shocked by an Indiana win. Slightly surprised would be the more apt phrase.
Michigan at No. 20 Wisconsin - Why would anything in the Big 10 make sense? All 11 teams in the Big 10 suck. That's why they combine to only equal 10.
Syracuse at Louisville - Holy shit. This is a disaster.
South Dakota State at Minnesota
Tennessee at Mississippi - Jevan Snead has been terrible all season and this will be his worst game yet.
Clemson at North Carolina State - NC State is a shitty team and Clemson is on a roll. The ACC is just as bad as the Big 10.
Florida State at Wake Forest - I want to believe.
Virginia Military Institute at Army - Hmmm. Of all the IA vs. IAA games that could be played, this is one of the few that makes sense.
Northwestern at Illinois - Wowzers. I'm familiar with the work of the Zooker so I can't pick any team he coaches.
Michigan State at Purdue
Kentucky at Vanderbilt
Missouri at Kansas State - I don't trust K-State yet but Bill Snyder's moving them in the right direction.
No. 21 Virginia Tech at Maryland - Why are the Hokies still ranked?
UAB at Memphis
Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan - ?????
No. 22 Brigham Young at New Mexico - Whatever, BYU. Whatever.
Colorado at Iowa State - Oh, Dan Hawkins, how bad have you made the WAC look?
San Jose State at Utah State
UTEP at Southern Methodist - You know, these two coaches probably shouldn't be at these two schools. Wazzou can still take Price back, can't they? I don't know the story there. If the fans and regents aren't too mad at him it seems like it's worth a try. What could go wrong? Is Washington State going to somehow lose all their games even more?
No. 1 Florida at South Carolina - Florida can actually afford a loss and still make the BCS title game but that game has to be during the next two weeks.
Idaho at No. 6 Boise State - Boise State obviously needs to win every game if they are going to even finish top 5.
Stanford at No. 9 USC - I don't trust the Stanford momentum. Really, if last week's game were in Oregon it wouldn't have even been a Stanford win. USC, on the other hand, could probably lose to Washington State at this point and it would be slightly surprising but also only drop them to #15.
No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State - I'd like to see Iowa finish 8-4. They seem like an 8-4 team from a middling conference.
No. 14 Miami (FL) at North Carolina - I don't really believe Miami will win this game. I don't like to say that. I want Miami to win this game by 60. Probably more than any other game all year I want Miami to win by a huge amount.
Washington at No. 23 Oregon State - Jacquizz Rodgers won't win the Heisman. He has even lost his hype in the Pac 10.
Tulane at Rice
Boston College at Virginia - Hahahahahahahah! I'm kidding but whatever. I'm not picking against UVa.
Nebraska at Kansas - Nebraska beat Oklahoma last week and has a legitimate claim to the best single player in college football. But they're also a horrible train wreck on offense and can find ways to give up points and lose no matter what Suh does.
Delaware at Navy - Uh, go Middies. I guess. I hate the 12 game schedule so much.
Arkansas State at Florida Atlantic
Western Kentucky at Louisiana-Monroe
Fresno State at Nevada - Mathews, listen to me. You can't get the credit you deserve without at least 1 game of over 300 yds. The more the merrier, in fact. Don't take plays off and steal the ball from the QB if he drops back to pass. You're in the huddle with him so you should know when it's coming. If it take 70 carries to get the yards you need? So be it. Make it fucking happen. I'm sick of having nobody I know even realize you exist.
Louisiana-Lafayette at Middle Tennessee State
Southern Miss at Marshall
UCLA at Washington State - You might get the impression I'm trying to lose 30 games this week. You might be right. Like a fox.
UNLV at Air Force
No. 2 Alabama at Mississippi State - Alabama needs to lose before the SEC title game and lose the SEC title game in order to have Boise play in the BCS title game. 'Bama will roll the Mississippi State Bulldogs but they might lose the Iron Bowl. Auburn's not that bad and the Iron Bowl is their only big game left. Including whatever shitty bowl game they go and lose. The Iron Bowl is awesome. I'd watch it even if both teams were 1-10 coming in, because they will still play a great game just so they don't have to listen to some drunken rednecks tell them for the rest of their lives that they suck. Even if the only bad game they ever played was against Alabama/Auburn.
Louisiana Tech at No. 8 LSU
Auburn at Georgia - I said all that stuff about the Iron Bowl so now I feel compelled to take Auburn. Realistically I think the biggest difference between these two teams is where the game is played.
Texas A&M at Oklahoma - Big Game Bob. Whoo.
North Texas at Florida International
No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU - This needs to happen. My dream scenario is impossible if TCU keeps winning. Utah is a totally legit team so this can happen even though TCU has looked inde-fucking-structable the last couple of weeks.
Troy at Arkansas
Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh - Good night, sweetheart, now it's time to go...
Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State - Final score prediction: 24-23. Yep, that's not very high at all.
Wyoming at San Diego State
New Mexico State at Hawaii
Arizona State at No. 13 Oregon
No. 17 Arizona at California - Berkeley is only happy when it rains. They're only happy when it's complicated.
SUNDAY
East Carolina at Tulsa - This is just such a stupid trend that I can't handle it. The NCAA is a bunch of fucking jerkass idiots. That is all.
Have some fun with this if you read it. Predict my record for the week! That should be fun for you if you've made it this far.
Saturday, November 07, 2009
NFL Week 9 Preview / Fantasy Ruminations
Okey, I don't deserve the benefit of the doubt for being so far behind on my self-imposed assignments. I'm writing a script but that's not why I'm late. I'm behind the 8-ball because I am exhausted by work. But I'll do better next week. I'm watching college ball while I write this and my mind might wander a bit. Like, for instance, Trent Richardson is a total badass at running back for U. Alabama and deserves more carries. I went 10-3 last week, which a lot of people probably did because there was only 1 legitimate upset. I'm 33-21 for the year, which would be fine picking against the spread but I'm just guessing the winners. Maybe I'm improving at this. I don't re-check my fantasy advice so I couldn't tell you how I'm doing on that front. Here's this week's garbage, purple teams are the winners. Hope you enjoy it all:
SUNDAY
Washington at Atlanta - Washington seems really horrible now that I think about it. I'm playing Fred Davis at TE and I'd give Santana Moss a shot, too. Clinton Portis? Maybe if you have a bye-week starter or Matt Forte on your squad. Atlanta defense seems like a good play but I would probably not start Matt Ryan. Only maybe on Roddy White. I think if you have Michael Turner you probably have to play him but I'd be surprised if he has a second good game in a row. Tony Gonzalez is still a top 5 TE and you probably don't have anybody better than him on your team.
Arizona at Chicago - I like Beanie Wells better as a Cardinals RB than I liked him at Ohio State. He doesn't get enough carries but he's good. I would play all the Cards WRs this week and I bet Kurt Warner is worthy of a start, too. Jay Cutler will throw some INTs this week and Matt Forte is apparently awful.
Baltimore at Cincinnati - Bengals will now commence shocking everyone by how bad they suck. Carson Palmer is good, Ced Benson has finally become what he was supposed to be coming out of UT-Austin. Ochocinco is an asshole for changing his name but he's a good WR and a start-every-week kind of guy again. I don't like any matchups in this game particularly.
Houston at Indianapolis - I hope the score is 74-53 at the end. Owen Daniels is out so maybe now Jacoby Jones will get some catches. Everybody other than Daniels and Steve Slaton will do just fine in this game. If you have Colts, play them. All of them.
Miami at New England - New England has looked great lately. New England is an old team. They shouldn't be able to be great for more than a couple of weeks all season. You know the drill with New England.
Green Bay at Tampa Bay - Tampa Bay is awful but even they will get sacks here. Don't play any Bucs players ever. Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant stick out to me as fantasy stars in this game.
Kansas City at Jacksonville - Jamaal Charles is not a good RB. Don't kid yourself. MJD might go for 350 yds and 7 TDs against the Chiefs. Mike Sims-Walker will ligjt it up, too.
Carolina at New Orleans - New Orleans will stay undefeated and Pierre Tomas will have his biggest game of the year.
Detroit at Seattle - The battle of the injured network non-stars. The Lions might need MegaTron to win. But I'm guessing this makes the crap cellar a little more full. Welcome, Seattle!
Tennessee at San Francisco - The inverse of my little game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. I picked Tennessee until they won a game and now I sort of believe in them, too. Chris Johnson will not do anything like he did last week but he'll be OK. Vince Young is a terrible fantasy QB but he is better for the Titans than Kerry Collins. Frank Gore will go berserk. Alex Smith is a good backup at QB. Vernon Davis will keep having good games and Michael Crabtree might score this week. Somehow San Francisco will lose.
San Diego at NY Giants - I remember telling everyone that Phillip Rivers is the best QB in the draft before Eli Manning went overall #1. Yep, I'm sticking with that. Brandon Jacobs will be a good play this week but Eli will keep turning the ball over. And all the big names in the Chargers passing game will have the same game they have every week. But the Chargers RBs won't be so great this week.
Dallas at Philadelphia - McNabb will throw for more yds than Romo. McCoy will have the highest rushing total of any RB in this game. DeSean Jackson should have some huge yardage. I don't think much of the Cowboys coaches but it sometimes works out in the NFL that the players rise above horrible coaching to play well. Don't be surprised when Miles Austin has a crappy game.
MONDAY
Pittsburgh at Denver - I dislike both of these teams. I think Pittsburgh throws too much when they get into trouble. They should run the ball 45 times a game but they don't. Denver is a mirage but they have some nice players. Brandon Marshall will be a good play in this game, Mendenhall will be good. Everything else is open to interpretation.
SUNDAY
Washington at Atlanta - Washington seems really horrible now that I think about it. I'm playing Fred Davis at TE and I'd give Santana Moss a shot, too. Clinton Portis? Maybe if you have a bye-week starter or Matt Forte on your squad. Atlanta defense seems like a good play but I would probably not start Matt Ryan. Only maybe on Roddy White. I think if you have Michael Turner you probably have to play him but I'd be surprised if he has a second good game in a row. Tony Gonzalez is still a top 5 TE and you probably don't have anybody better than him on your team.
Arizona at Chicago - I like Beanie Wells better as a Cardinals RB than I liked him at Ohio State. He doesn't get enough carries but he's good. I would play all the Cards WRs this week and I bet Kurt Warner is worthy of a start, too. Jay Cutler will throw some INTs this week and Matt Forte is apparently awful.
Baltimore at Cincinnati - Bengals will now commence shocking everyone by how bad they suck. Carson Palmer is good, Ced Benson has finally become what he was supposed to be coming out of UT-Austin. Ochocinco is an asshole for changing his name but he's a good WR and a start-every-week kind of guy again. I don't like any matchups in this game particularly.
Houston at Indianapolis - I hope the score is 74-53 at the end. Owen Daniels is out so maybe now Jacoby Jones will get some catches. Everybody other than Daniels and Steve Slaton will do just fine in this game. If you have Colts, play them. All of them.
Miami at New England - New England has looked great lately. New England is an old team. They shouldn't be able to be great for more than a couple of weeks all season. You know the drill with New England.
Green Bay at Tampa Bay - Tampa Bay is awful but even they will get sacks here. Don't play any Bucs players ever. Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Grant stick out to me as fantasy stars in this game.
Kansas City at Jacksonville - Jamaal Charles is not a good RB. Don't kid yourself. MJD might go for 350 yds and 7 TDs against the Chiefs. Mike Sims-Walker will ligjt it up, too.
Carolina at New Orleans - New Orleans will stay undefeated and Pierre Tomas will have his biggest game of the year.
Detroit at Seattle - The battle of the injured network non-stars. The Lions might need MegaTron to win. But I'm guessing this makes the crap cellar a little more full. Welcome, Seattle!
Tennessee at San Francisco - The inverse of my little game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. I picked Tennessee until they won a game and now I sort of believe in them, too. Chris Johnson will not do anything like he did last week but he'll be OK. Vince Young is a terrible fantasy QB but he is better for the Titans than Kerry Collins. Frank Gore will go berserk. Alex Smith is a good backup at QB. Vernon Davis will keep having good games and Michael Crabtree might score this week. Somehow San Francisco will lose.
San Diego at NY Giants - I remember telling everyone that Phillip Rivers is the best QB in the draft before Eli Manning went overall #1. Yep, I'm sticking with that. Brandon Jacobs will be a good play this week but Eli will keep turning the ball over. And all the big names in the Chargers passing game will have the same game they have every week. But the Chargers RBs won't be so great this week.
Dallas at Philadelphia - McNabb will throw for more yds than Romo. McCoy will have the highest rushing total of any RB in this game. DeSean Jackson should have some huge yardage. I don't think much of the Cowboys coaches but it sometimes works out in the NFL that the players rise above horrible coaching to play well. Don't be surprised when Miles Austin has a crappy game.
MONDAY
Pittsburgh at Denver - I dislike both of these teams. I think Pittsburgh throws too much when they get into trouble. They should run the ball 45 times a game but they don't. Denver is a mirage but they have some nice players. Brandon Marshall will be a good play in this game, Mendenhall will be good. Everything else is open to interpretation.
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