Last week was a rough stretch here at laugh-o. 7-6 is the kind of result that gets one fired and replaced by air. 40-27 on the year is looking more like Charlie Weis' head coaching resume. Is it time to cave in and start writing about basketball? No, it's not. I haven't really been watching the early NBA action and my interest in college basketball is wholly centered around the won-lost record of the Georgetown Hoyas. I'm determined to have more good weeks of picking games starting right now. This is, like, so serious. Here have them, the purple team is the winner.
THU, NOV 12
Chicago at San Francisco - Enough of this curse business from Gregg Easterbrook. Crabtree and Alex Smith both need a win. These are two teams that both seem to be sinking except that the 49ers play well every week and just lose. Maybe they'll give up and start getting blown out, maybe they'll keep fighting. I think Crabtree, Gore, Vernon Davis and the 49ers D are pretty good plays in this game. Alex Smith might be OK but I don't trust him yet. Jay Cutler can only be helpful in fantasy football but you'll never be an NFL GM so that should be good enough for you. I have a fantasy team with its fortunes tied to Matt Forte's production. If you can avoid this situation, do so at all costs. Apparently Ced Benson wasn't the problem for all those years in Chicago.
SUN, NOV 15
New Orleans at St. Louis - How much advice do you need here? OK, how about this, Rams goddamn awful receivers are untrustworthy in even blowout conditions and Marc Bulger seems likely to throw a ton of interceptions. Steven Jackson should have some value because he's the best receiver on the team and he might break a big TD because that's always possible with him. If you have anybody on your fantasy team that wears the Saints uniform you should know to start them pretty much every week, especially against a bottom-feeder like the Rams. I'm going to guess the final as somewhere near 50-21, Saints win.
Tampa Bay at Miami - Tampa won last week and the rookie QB looks a little better than the 2nd year QB that the Bucs have been trotting out. They put up some points and I'm thinking that Derrick Ward might be a decent play. Sammie Stroughter might see some yardage, too. But the last time I thought the Bucs had a shot they put up 56 yds of offense for the whole game.
Detroit at Minnesota - See the Rams write-up. Adrian Peterson could see 200 yds in one half. It might be worth it to play Chester Taylor in this one. It's really bad. I think Megatron is still out. Matt Stafford is OK as a rookie. Any good performances on Detroit are a mistake. Vikings by 39.
Jacksonville at NY Jets - I don't like either of these teams. The Jets are a terrible team masquerading as a below average team. MJD is great and David Garrard will be OK. I'd stay away from Sims-Walker, though. Darrelle Revis is the real deal even if the rest of his team isn't. Thomas Jones should be good for yards. One of the Jets pass catchers will be good in this one but I don't know for sure which one it will be. Maybe Dustin Keller?
Buffalo at Tennessee - Don't play anyone on the Bills until further notice. Titans have Chris Johnson, at least. Good enough for 3 in a row!
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - I don't think one of these teams is necessarily better than the other but I do think Ced Benson will have a horrible game this week. I've been wrong all year about that but I've just got a feeling, you know? Both QB's and both WR corps should be good plays. I'm a strong advocate for Rashard Mendenhall.
Denver at Washington - The Redskins are already at the bottom. Ladell Betts will be fine in this game. Brandon Marshall is a good bet to score the only TD in this game. Should be a loser for fantasy offenses but both defenses should be OK.
Atlanta at Carolina - Play every RB and Matty Ice in this game. Roddy Smith isn't hurt, is he? I don't remember. He might be. I might have invented that. Keep an eye on it. Tony Gonzalez is still an automatic start.
Kansas City at Oakland - Dwayne Bowe, Zack Miller, and Huggy Bear Jr. are the only possible plays in this game. DHB is coming around but Jamarcus Russell is not. I'd consider either defense if my regular D were on a bye. Should be low-scoring and full of turnovers.
Seattle at Arizona - The third in a series of terrible matchups for Super Bowl contenders. Don't think it's a good idea to play any Seahawks for the rest of the year but particularly here. Play every Cardinal, even Hightower. 634-8, final score. You heard it here first.
Dallas at Green Bay - You know? I'm a believer in the Cowboys offense for this game. Lots of yards, good amount of points. Play Romo, Austin, Witten, Barber and maybe Felix Jones. Aaron Rodgers and the starting WRs for Green Bay are worth a start, too. Don't fuck with these defenses, though, they're both kind of crappy.
Philadelphia at San Diego - I'm going with the home team but I'm not totally sure of this. Both QBs should be strong and I like LeSean McCoy a lot, DeSean Jackson is awesome, and Darren Sproles is a pretty steady performer. For my own selfish purposes I want Vincent Jackson to go off and from my perspective it seems more than possible. This game will be pretty high scoring.
New England at Indianapolis - NFL refs will never allow it but I want the Colts to win by at least 20. I don't know that anyone beyond the obvious big names is a very good play in this one.
MON, NOV 16
Baltimore at Cleveland - Brady Quinn, welcome back! 3 INTs seems like a reasonable goal. But he might throw for more, let's not undersell him. Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Todd Heap and Whacko Flacco are guaranteed to score 3 TDs apiece. Wait, maybe my math is wrong. Would that be possible if the team only scores 105? Maybe put Cribbs in your lineup if you get points for return yards. Unless he's hurt. Then you probably are better off getting your points someplace else.
Stay drunk and don't drive in school!