NFL B.S. For Thanksgiving

It is very early on Thanksgiving and I want to at least do the games that are being played today before I drift off to the underworld of the subconscious.  I was 9-6 last week, 59-38 for the year.  I'll come back and add my thoughts to the Sunday games later today or tomorrow.

THU, NOV 26
Green Bay at Detroit - Hey, look at that, Detroit won again!  Well, Stafford's out, Daunte's in and the Lions are still terrible.  Aaron Rodgers should have 4 TDs by the time I wake up.  Greg Jennings will have some of that, so will the rapey TE.  Ryan Grant will go nuts.  Don't trust anyone on the Lions for anything this week.  GB defense is a good play but not great due to the being-on-the-road-in-a-dome thing.

Oakland at Dallas - Dallas is a poorly coached team that needs to run more often.  They have 3 really good RBs but can't find the heart to give them the ball.  If Tony Romo throws more than 35 passes the Cowboys will be really lucky to score more than their new standard 7 points in this game.  Give Barber the ball on 1st and 2nd, get Felix Jones the ball on 3rd and every 4th or 5th play throw a pass.  The Raiders D is good against the pass but not great against the run.  If the Cowboys run a lot they will kill the Raiders.  Otherwise they will lose and be embarrassed.  At least they won't be the first NFC East team to fuck up against the Raiders this year.  Play Zach Miller in this game, he's the closest to a sure thing in this one.  And if you have Witten and Miller on your team?  Trade Witten to an idiot and keep playing Miller as long as Gradkowski's in there.  One of the Raiders backs will have a good game but I don't know which one and you don't either.

NY Giants at Denver - Enough of the Denver stories, ESPN!  Nobody cares about the "fight" on the sidelines.  Brandon Marshall is  a dick and Knowshown Moreno is a fumblor.  They both lose!  But the argument doesn't mean much.  Denver will win this week and there will be stories about them being back on track but then they'll still miss the playoffs again.  The Giants will suck again.  Kevin Boss and Brandon Jacobs will be good in this game but Brandon Marshall will be the killer.  Moreno will probably be OK and that TE whose name I can't remember will be good for the Broncos, I bet.  I bet nothing, by the way.  It'ss a gentleman's bet.  The worst kind.  Don't start either QB.  I'd be fine riding with the Broncos D for this week.  I might put more thought into this game if I cared about who wins it.  LT vs. John Elway was a fun Super Bowl, wasn't it?

SUN, NOV 29
Tampa Bay at Atlanta - I kinda like this Freeman kid.  KII is one of the best TEs in the league.  Derrick Ward might be pretty good numbers wise by the end of the year.  I want to believe Tampa will win this game.  Not that they can because obviously the Falcons aren't bulletproof.  But I don't believe Tampa will win.  Matty Icehouse will have a great game throwing to Tony Gonzalez.  I don't know who's going to be at RB for the Falcons but they'll get some decent yardage.  Roddy White will have a good game.

Miami at Buffalo - The Bills didn't fold to the rushing game last week but this week will be different.  Ricky Williams will break them down.  He's awesome.  Me and him were born on the same day.  I'm in his hometown right now watching his college team win.  Ricky rules.  Buffalo is playing out the string until the draft next year.

Cleveland at Cincinnati - Bengals should take advantage of this opportunity to humiliate the in-state rivals.  The Browns are really fucking awful.  Cincy is over-hyped and what not but they are way better than Cleveland.  And it's getting to the point where every single football fan in the country wants to see Mangini get destroyed.  Ced Benson should get 100 yds whether he's healthy he plays or not.  Carson Palmer needs to get some work and this is the game to do it.  Ochocinco should destroy but he's tough to figure.  God, really the odds are in favor of everyone on the Bengals having a great fantasy game.

Seattle at St. Louis - Wowzers, this is a bad game.  The Squawks have the talent edge at QB but the Rams have Steven Jackson.  I'm sticking with the Rams and guessing Donnie Avery has one of his handful of good games for the year this week.

Carolina at NY Jets - 3-0 to 5-11, what a year of progress.  Now they're re-adapting the offense to SanCHEZ's limitations.  That seems really bad to me.  Shouldn't this work the other way?  Like, he should start off limited and then get the full playbook.  But that's not happening.  The Panthers are idiots and don't run the ball enough even though they only have 3 good players on offense and 2 of them are running backs.  This should be a bad game to watch.

Washington at Philadelphia - Philly won't get a ton of offense this week but they will get enough to beat the Redskins.  Rock Cartwright is next in line to get injured at RB for the Skins.  I'd love to see Santana Moss bust out and I like Fred Davis as a receiving TE but this is dicy.  Look for LeSean McCoy to do some damage.  You might get some production out of the Eagles other skill players but it's not something to count on.

Indianapolis at Houston - This could be a great game.  I would play anybody that's in this game.  Look for some tarnish on the Colts "great" defense hype.  They aren't a great defense but they're OK.  Both offenses in this game are awesome.  Should be way OVER if you're gambling and I haven't even looked at the lines once this year.  Texans are talented and have some legitimately great players but they have no heart and can't beat anybody with resolve. The Colts are all about resolve.  And, yes, Peyton Manning is the best QB of the pass interference era, just past Marino and Montana.

Kansas City at San Diego - Chiefs are suddenly looking more average than terrible.  If you play in a league where nobody has picked up Chris Chambers you should feel nothing but shame if you don't win that league.  Same for Jamaal Charles.  Not great players but good enough to get you some points.  The Chargers will put up yardage but they have some problems getting in the end zone.  Which is so weird from LdT's employers but that's where he is in his career.

Jacksonville at San Francisco - Alex Smith is going to be OK.  San Francisco needs to avoid the temptation to look for another signal caller.  His arm has gotten stronger than it was in college.  He needs to cut down the turnovers but he gets rid of the ball quickly and he's got some talent around him.  MJD will rock it.  Garrard is actually OK but the team owner is already pining for a new QB.  Stupid.  I like Michael Crabtree a lot.  He's as good as he seemed like he would be two years ago.

Chicago at Minnesota - I think I get what the Vikings are doing.  Save Peterson for the end of the season and get all the use they can out of Favre.  Otherwise they're a bunch of idiots.  Good fuck Chicago sucks.  Specifically Matt Forte.  Cutler might get some sort of pass for only throwing 2 INTs this week but he's not in a good place this season.  Are there any WRs this year comparable to Cabtree?  Maybe that kid from Georgia Tech.  He's awesome.  Any way, Vikings should totally trash the Bears.

Arizona at Tennessee - I think the Titans will take it over here.  The Cards are more talented overall but Warner should sit this one out. The Titans D is back to normal and that's not gonna help the Cards.  Chris Johnson is starting to look like Barry Sanders.  And Vince Young is starting to look like he did at Texas.  Tennessee is coming into the playoff picture.  They're out of frame but they're jacking off in range to shoot on the Bengals.  They could end up being a wild card this year after totally sucking for the first 6 weeks of the season.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore - Battle of the Disappointments.  Which one has been exposed more?  I like Balmer better so I'm going with the Ravens.  How can anyone take their defense seriously these days?  They're all in their 10th plus season, aren't they?  Pittsburgh looks terrible whenever Troy Polamalu doesn't play and he's out for 6 weeks.  Good bye, champs.

MON, NOV 30
New England at New Orleans - Game of the year!  I'm dying to watch this and I feel like something is going to go wrong and I'll miss it.  I love the way the Saints play and I like that they've finally gotten something out of Reggie Bush.  Remember after their rookie season when him and Vince Young both seemed like they were going to be stars?  I finally believe that again.  Just now, this week.  Seriously.  I am a pessimist by nature and am not really expecting a Saints win but it's more than a possibility.  The test here is how the Saints defense plays.  Can they do their turnover thing against the Patriots?  I think they can. The Patriots are not as good as they've been in the past.  They're killers against terrible teams but they're over the hill.  Belicek might be close to hanging it up.  I hope they make the same mistake as other teams in the NFL and hire a Patriots assistant to replace him because then they'll turn into a shitty team right away.  I think all sports fans outside of the Boston area can get beind that idea.

Heisman Trophy Considerations

Now that I'm back to campaigning for a frontrunner this Heisman column isn't as fun.  I don't even particularly like watching Tobt Gerhart but I do think he is the difference between Stanford being a legit program again and going back to the bad old days of two years ago.  When they upset USC with a 40+ point line.  Nowadays the line didn't even make it to 20.  That's the Toby Gerhart effect.  Even though he's gone after this year, the program will be fine because Andrew Luck is an awesome QB.  Gerhart has allowed a cover under which Luck could develop.  But it's boring watching Gerhart wear people out.  He's a Ron Dayne style back (not a prediction of future/NFL prediction, I think Gerhart will be fine in the league if he goes that route), not a Marshall Faulk type.  Oh, well.  I'm going to add my NFL thoughts for all the candidates this week.  More than usual.

1.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford - He's done what Jimmy Clausen couldn't do.  He's come through huge in his big moments.  I like watching Stanford in spite of Gerhart but Gerhart is the obvious centerpiece of this year.  2 years from now the program will be a Top 5 fixture riding off momentum that started this year with Touchdown Tommy II.  Too bad Stanford doesn't get the hyped up games because I think everyone who watches Mark Ingram and thinks, "Wow, that guy's awesome," would watch TTII and think, "Wow, this team wins almost entirely because of this guy."  I call him Touchdown Tommy II and I compared him to Ron Dayne up above but I really think he's more in the mold of Brandon Jacobs.  Hopefully he won't be as brittle as Jacobs is.  I could see him creep into the end of the first round but he's got a second/third round look to him.  The Raiders have 3 good RBs that can't stay healthy and they have way too much $ wrapped up in Run DMC to justify another high-round back but doesn't this guy just fit them somehow?  I mean, he's a perfect, classic overreach for the Raiders.  He's even a Bay Area star already.  If he's there for their second pick, I bet the Raiders take him.  And then he'll decide to pursue baseball.

2.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I guess his biggest games are ahead of him.  If he can keep the Tide on the straight and narrow vs. Auburn it sets up a massive game in the SEC championship on every level.  And Tebow is definitely still in the running for the award based on that game, too.  I try to cancel out the noise of what I read and just focus on what I see and I always feel a little bit iffy on Ingram.  The only game all year where I though he was really pulling the team along was the LSU game.  This 'Bama team is the archetype of a great 'Bama team: the defense carries along the offense.  It just so happens that the offense is actually good in its own right for once (at least it's for once in my lifetime).  Ingram is a good player that I don't trust much in the pros to be a difference maker.  He's Willis McGahee post-OSU cheapshot.  Still a legit first-rounder but not a consistent All-Pro.  Probably the first RB taken in the draft.  Trent Richardson is like Willis McGahee from before the OSU cheapshot but he's a freshman and has gotten fewer and fewer carries as the Ingram-For-Heisman campaign has picked up speed.

3.) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - Tebow looks a lot better as the year goes on but he is a college-only passer at this point.  He's a god in the state of Florida, particularly his hometown of Jacksonville but it's a bad idea for the Jaguars to take Tebow in the first round.  How did the Jaguars idiot owner put his front-office guys in a position where they are pissing off the fans by not picking Tebow in the top 10 next April?  This kid is a total project.  You see how Vince Young is finally an effective QB in the league now after years of bumbling?  Tebow is that far away from contributing.  He's similar to Vince Young in his skills and talents, maybe a little tougher mentally, definitely shorter.  Tebow can be a good QB but it's a long ways off.  Someone will take him way too high, maybe in the first round, but this guy belongs in the fourth round.  He would fit in well with the Dolphins.  I'd love to see him and Pat White running some kind of crazy 2 QB system.

4.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - He's fallen off the face of the hype after losing last week but he's a great player and should be the top QB in the draft next year.  He's got eligibility remaining but he should strike now while the iron is hot. He's wearing David Klingler's jersey # and should do what Klingler failed to do: leave early.  People will tell him to finish his education but he can afford to do that later.  Great arm, great makeup, good decision-making, decent mobility, spectacular footwork.  His only weakness is a tendency to hold onto the ball too long but that can be corrected.  Take the money and run, Case.  Should be a top 5 pick but a lot of that depends on team evaluations.  I like him better than Sam Bradford (too skinny and fragile) and Ryan Mallet (great arm but he's terrible underneath, don't be surprised if he starts getting compared to Jeff George and Jamarcus Russell by agents that don't rep him, a.k.a. "ESPN sources").  Colt McCoy is a joke as an NFL prospect, Jevan Snead is a terrible decision-maker and Jimmy Clausen is not ready for the league yet.

5.) Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - My favorite freshman in the country.  I put him on the list over Ryan Mathews because I think Ryan Mathews will sit out the last two games of the season.  I hope Ryan Mathews sits out.  He shouldn't be in there getting beaten up.  Pierce is a freshman and, thus, two years from being draft eligible.  When he is eligible he will probably be a much bigger name nationally than he is right now.  This is a frenchise type back in the making.  Great size, good speed, amazing playmaker.  He's as good right now as Mark Ingram.  Temple is on the verge of the Top 25 and that has never come close to happening since I can remember.  It's hard to project from this far out but I wouldn't be surprised if this guy ends up going #1 overall someday.  Out of this ridiculously stacked freshman class of RBs I like him a lot better than Dion Lewis and Ryan Williams, a little better than Trent Richardson.

Everybody else is off the list.  Ryan Mathews (RB, Fresno State) should be a second or third round steal.  Don't be even a little surprised if he starts right away as a rookie.  He's a junior so he could come back and hope to pick up some of the hype he should already have but I bet he gets a high grade on the NFL's scouting metric (which projects something like 55 first round picks) and he's gone.  Noel Devine (RB, West Virginia) could do the same thing but he'll get an unrealistically low grade due to his size and will probably return to school.  I like Devine a little more than Steve Slaton, his West Va predecessor, as a pro.  Kellen Moore (QB, Boise State) is seeing some projections as a Heisman frontrunner going into next year but I don't like him much as a pro prospect.  Golden Tate (WR, Notre Dame) is a mid-rounder that could produce early.  I don't trust him as an early rounder but he could be great.  WRs are hard to predict unless they're Randy Moss or Andre Johnson.  Jimmy Clausen (QB, Notre Dame) is a first round talent who needs to mature desparately.  He should come back next year and play for whoever the Irish bring in.  He could use some coaching and I get the impression Charlie Weis doesn't even try to do that with him.  Andy Dalton (QB, TCU) should get some love going into next season and might see some publicitiy this year if TCU wins out.  He's efficient and has a strong arm.  He won't come out this year but could be a first-rounder when he does come out.  I didn't write about Ndamukong Suh (DT, Nebraska) or Terrence Cody (DT, Alabama) yet?  Suh is an obvious top 5 pick.  Could easily and without second-guessing go #1 overall.  He reminds me a lot of Richard Seymour the more I watch him.  He can play anywhere on the line and seems like a relatively safe pick.  Mount Cody is totally one-dimensional but it is a dimension that 28 out of 32 teams in the NFL would kill for.  The other teams would do something slightly less nefarious but still illegal to acquire it.  Cody is a middle-of-the-line destroyer.  He will go in the late first round and then become a cause celebre wherever he ends up.  He's William Perry Pt. II: The Much Better Defensive Player.  That's it, I've gotta make some pancakes and go to work.

NFL Week 10 Preview/Concurrent View

It's too late to predict anything in the Dolphins - Panthers game.  I would have, for the record, chosen the Dolphins and said Ricky Williams is going to have a big game.  That didn't happen soon enough, though, so this is what you'll get.  Ricky Williams just totally beasted the Panthers defense and now his yardage looks amazing. Good game, Ricky, you have the greatest birthday of all time. Great announcing, btw. Ricky Williams needs to play like he did in New Orleans?  You mean back when everyone thought he was a bust?  His best years came in Miami.  If you've got him, I'm sure you're fine with it.

I was 10-5 on my game predictions last week, so I'm 50-32 for the year.  That would be a 10-6 average season, which would get some coaches into the HOF.  Even though it looks like two playoff appearances with no wins.  The New Browns would take that.  Purple wins and I'm not even going to take credit for the Dolphins thing so I'll just skip it entirely.

THURSDAY
Miami at Carolina - NO PICK

SUNDAY
Washington at Dallas - Dallas looked ridiculous against Green Bay.  I wish I could talk to Jerry Jones about his coaching but I'm pretty sure he would just keep pretending that Wade Phillips is the playcaller.  I wold tell Mr. Jones that his team is built to run and he needs to trust the running game for much longer than he did last Sunday.  If you go 3 and out every drive in the first half, keep running the ball.  You will pick it up eventually and you will score.  Your passing offense is a bit of a sham.  Having said all that, I don't think Marion Barber is a very good play this week.  Ladell Betts is a great start and Fred Davis should be a good option if you need a TE.  Neiter QB is a safe play.  I don't know who's healthy enough to trust on the Redskins but Santana Moss has destroyed the Cowboys a few times in his career.


Cleveland at Detroit - I'm going with Detroit.  They're similarly talented to the Ravens on offense and the Browns offense couldn't score consistently against high school teams.  I reject Gregg Easterbrook's valuation of play calling entirely.  Good play calling may not be statistically difficult but it is significant.  Eric Mangini is a bad coach.  If you've got anybody from either of these teams you know what to do with them.  Trade Megatron now before he becomes Braylon Edwards, Pt. II: "Roy Williams, Pt. III" and is untradeable.  That only applies to keeper leagues, obviously.

San Francisco at Green Bay - I don't think that game against the Cowboys was a total mirage but I don't think it's a good representation of what the Packers defense should be expected to do from here on, either.  If you've got Vernon Davis, he's a great play.  If you have Aaron Rodgers, Ryan Grant, Greg Jennings, or even Spence Havner, you'll be fine here.  Frank Gore will get more than 16 carries and that means he will get a good amount of points.  Fuck you, Cowboys.

Pittsburgh at Kansas City - I was really trying to justify picking the Chiefs but I can't do it.  If they win that's awesome but don't pretend it makes sense afterwards.  The Chiefs aren't particularly good at anything.  Chris Chambers looked good last week but is still Chris Chambers.  Bowe is out, though, so if you need a WR for this week, Chambers is as good as you'll find.  Mendenhall, Wallace, Miller, Rapelisbergere, Ward and the Steelers D seem like fantastic plays for this week.

Atlanta at NY Giants - I've never though all that much of Michael Turner and the Giants were terrible before their bye.  The bye week always helps, though, unless your whole team is fucked up.  The Giants only real weak spot is their massively average QB.  Even Kevin Boss might look like a champ this week.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay - The Saints are in that position where they might be trying too hard to stay undefeated.  It's a dumb excuse to say that teams need to lose a game to get it out of their systems.  The Saints should keep winning as much as they can under all circumstances.  But their games will be much closer than they should be from here on out.  Like this game.  Remember that if they win by 100.  They should have won by 200.  KII is the only safe play on the Bucs.  But I'd put in Carnell Williams if I had him.

Buffalo at Jacksonville - This is a perfect game for Buffalo to win.  They aren't a bad team, they just play so conservatively.  They should be running it 35-40 times a game while switching backs almost constantly.  And they should throw deep a lot.  Lee Evans is good.  Make it work, coach whose name I can't remember!  Of course, he's a DC so he will be a terrible offensive coach.  MJD will have the same over-the-top kind of game he seems to have every week.  But Buffalo will get some fake hope this week.

Indianapolis at Baltimore - Yes!  This is the kind of game Indy can lose!  I want a matchup of 18-0 teams in the Super Bowl but the odds are verrrrrry against it.  The Ravens need to win and they will run a lot against the Colts.  I bet this is way more high-scoring than whatever the O/U indicates.  Play Flacco this week.  Seriously.

Seattle at Minnesota - Seattle started off like they were going to win last week.  That was cute.  The Minnesota Vikings will forcibly gay marriage their asses this week, though.  It is going to get really gay in the Target City Metrodome.  Brett Favre is sure to throw lots of passes after the Vikings have the game rolled up and every single member of the Vikings roster and coaching staff will pick a member of the opposing organization and have sex with them.  Gay.  Real Gay.  Adrian Peterson will spurt all over the field and force the Seahawks players to drink it.

Arizona at St. Louis - Arizona should have a better record.  I hope they keep giving it to Beanie Wells because he's good.  And the Rams aren't.  Supposedly, according to an ESPN article I read earlier, Donnie Avery is a good start this week.  I wouldn't be surprised if the Rams have one of their 112 yds total offense style games.

NY Jets at New England - High score of the week.  Belichek was making a decent call when he went for it on 4th & 2 last week.  He called the wrong play, but the underlying theory was sound.  Randy Moss will score 4 of the Patriots 16 TDs this week.  I wouldn't even start Thomas Jones on the Jets this week.  So wait for the Ex-Titans win.

Cincinnati at Oakland - I picked up Larry Johnson hoping he would go to a team with no obvious starter at RB.  Ced Benson might be on his way back to Ced Benson-land now after his injury.  So LJ could be a good pickup for two weeks from now.  I don't trust any of the Raiders RBs because they don't seem to have a team understanding of why any of the three is getting the ball on a given play.  Look for Gradkowski to make Jamarcus Russell look like a legit NFL starter.

San Diego at Denver - The Broncos are fading and the Chargers are pretty OK.  Denver's D is not great but the Chargers will not have great yardage in this game.  Look for Vincent Jackson to suck again this week against Champ Bailey because Vincent Jackson isn't really great.  Antonio Gates is awesome, and he'll be the best player in this game.

Philadelphia at Chicago - Philly is inconsistent but the Bears aren't good enough to make that matter.  McNabb will not be super-awesome this week but he'll be good.  LeSean McCoy is just as good as Brian Westbrook, which is why it's really dumb that Westbrook was playing when he got another concussion last week.  Look for a Flipper Anderson style breakout game from DeSean Jackson.  Fuck the Bears.
MON, NOV 23
Tennessee at Houston - I like the Titans to keep it going.  Especially CJ.  Watch this game if you want to see the all-time record for yds rushing in a game get challenged.  If you play in a league that gives you points for KR yards you have to pick up Jacoby Jones.  He is maybe the 4th option on most plays but he gets some receiving yards and the Texans give up a ton of points, so he gets lots of return yards, with the off chance that he returns one for a TD.  Vince Young needs to be awesome for 7 straight games at least before I'd consider starting him.  Andre Johnson is my favorite WR in the league and he should be more or less healthy this week.  Still, Titans are more legit as a good team than they were as a fluky bad team.

College Football Week 12 Forecast (Sat., Nov 21st)

I was pretty terrible with my picks last week.  32 correct, 27 incorrect (255-118 on the year).  That's a bad record for college football.  I'm white, so it would be good enough to get me through 5 years at Notre Dame but after that?  I wonder if Bob Stoops can really resurrect that program.  It's iffy.  I really hate all the commentators who bring up the stringent academic requirements at Notre Dame being an impediment to recruiting.  What does that mean?  Do Notre Dame players have a higher mean SAT than Stanford players?  Because I could swear that I've seen Stanford beat USC twice in the last 3 years, once as a 41-point underdog.  So did the stringent academic standards keep Notre Dame from going after Jim Harbaugh as their head coach?  It's not like football players on any major programs recruiting list are held to the same standards as regular students.  You might have the few freakish athletes that are also abnormally intelligent (the best I can think of for football is Robert Smith, who starred at Ohio State after The Cure broke up for the first time, but I'm sure there are lots of others) but, for the mostpart, these programs are all recruiting from the same pool of players.  I have never read a feature or rumors page that had a top recruit choosing Florida over Notre Dame because the classes at ND are too hard.  You can say anything you want to about party schools but you know where the party is for the football team?  Anywhere in town when they win.  So Notre Dame is more likely losing recruits to losing than they are too high academic standards.  And if you want to pull graduation rates into this discussion (Texas, Florida and Oklahoma are abysmal in this regard) then, please, have the balls to point out that Miami has a higher grad rate than Notre Dame.  Bet Miami gets back into the Top5 before Notre Dame, too.

I've been watching this stuff all year, I swear.  Last week I wiped out on an overdose of trying to find a spot for Boise State in the National Championship game.  If college football had a real playoff (32 team+ field) I would put BSU in my final 4.  On the other hand, I blew the Stanford USC prediction last week and it seems really obvious in hindsight, doesn't it?  I kind of expected Miami to lot to UNC-Chapel Hill and I said so in the column last week. It still hurts.  My fave Heisman contenders both stumbled last week.  Ryan Mathews got hurt and Case Keenum lost.  No trophies heading their ways after all.  Keenum should take comfort in the fact that he's probably going to end up the top QB in next year's draft.  His game has the least holes of any of the top prospects.  Maybe Mathews proved his worth even more through injury than he would have by playing.  Whatever it was that fucked up my record, TCU ground my whole thesis into dirt to begin with by shattering Utah (most impressive win of the year so far by ANYBODY, by the way).  Enough looking back, lets slap some purple color on my winners and be off!  I'll try to get the NFL thing done before halftime tonight but I make no promises.  I'm trying out highlighting instead of changing the font color but I end up with weird patterns because there is no choice for "no highlight" just a choice to highlight in white.

WEDNESDAY - I totally missed these games.  I'm so used to the Tuesday and Sunday games I forgot all about the silent but present idiocy of Wednesday night football.
Buffalo 42, Miami (OH) 17
Central Michigan 35, Ball State 3

THURSDAY
Colorado at No. 12 Oklahoma State - I had considered a Colorado win here but then I thought about it.

FRIDAY
Akron at Bowling Green
Eastern Michigan at Toledo
No. 6 Boise State at Utah State

SATURDAY
No. 10 Ohio State at Michigan
Minnesota at No. 13 Iowa
Duke at No. 20 Miami (FL) - Miami needs this game, which is embarrassing.
Maryland at Florida State - Whatever shit-sucker bowl FSU gets for winning is beneath the program and the invitation should be rejected.
Louisville at South Florida
North Carolina at Boston College
Chattanooga at No. 2 Alabama
Mississippi State at Arkansas
Florida International at No. 1 Florida
Oklahoma at Texas Tech - At least these two teams are about equal in their relation to each other as they were expected to be in the preseason.  Oklahoma is really weird because they have great players all over the field and they all get hurt semi-regularly.
Memphis at No. 24 Houston - They stunk it up last week against a terrible UCF team but Keenum is still the best QB in college football.
Kent State at Temple - Bernard Pierce!  Takes over for Ryan Mathews as the best RB in college football that nobody cares about.  Temple could end the year in the Top 25.  That should earn the Freshman of the Year a few Heisman votes but people that vote for things like that just watch football coverage, not games.
No. 4 TCU at Wyoming - OK, I get it, TCU, you bunch of assholes.  You're really good.  That's great.
Iowa State at Missouri
Northern Illinois at Ohio
Tulane at UCF - UCF beat Houston last week so they might be on a roll or whatever it is you call it when a bottom-feeder in CUSA beats a good CUSA team and then plays another bottom feeder the next week.
Connecticut at Notre Dame - Just keep doing what you're doing, Coach Weis.
No. 8 LSU at Mississippi - LSU won't get a BCS bowl, anyway, so they might as well lose now.
No. 14 Penn State at Michigan State - I though about it.
North Carolina State at No. 15 Virginia Tech
No. 16 Wisconsin at Northwestern
Air Force at No. 22 Brigham Young
Virginia at No. 23 Clemson  - Clemson should win by 50, which means Spiller won't do anything this week.  He'll play for 1 quarter.
Purdue at Indiana
UAB at East Carolina
Rutgers at Syracuse
UTEP at Rice
Baylor at Texas A&M
San Diego State at No. 21 Utah
Arizona State at UCLA
Army at North Texas - Army just barely beat VMI last week.  North Texas just fired their coach, didn't they?  It's the no-research zone up in this blog so I don't know for sure.
Florida Atlantic at Troy
Southern Methodist at Marshall
Arkansas State at Middle Tennessee State
No. 19 Oregon State at Washington State
Louisiana Tech at Fresno State - No Mathews = No Win.
Colorado State at New Mexico - I'm sure this is a heated rivalry or something.
Louisiana-Monroe at Louisiana-Lafayette - Game of the week!!!!!!!!!!!
Vanderbilt at Tennessee
No. 25 California at No. 17 Stanford - I haven't checked but I hope to God that Jahvid Best is not playing again this year.
Tulsa at Southern Miss
Kentucky at Georgia - If Georgia can beat Ga Tech then all is forgiven.  Mark Richt should still bolt for FSU when the chance arises.
Kansas State at Nebraska
Kansas at No. 3 Texas
No. 11 Oregon at Arizona - Arizona makes me fall asleep when I see them so I might have been missing some things with them.  I think Oregon's got a lot of players who are better than anybody on the Arizona roster.
Hawaii at San Jose State
Nevada at New Mexico State

Heisman for Sunday

Ryan Mathews got hurt, Case Keenum lost and didn't look as great as normal (still, he's a legit #1 overall if the team drafting wants a QB).  Toby Gerhart looked just the same against USC as he did against Oregon.  He destroyed USC and now Stanford is ranked.  I think he's #1 right now.  I might not even be alone in this.  He scores tons of TDs and he's carrying his team.  Mark Ingram is awesome and he was the difference against LSU but in most games you could take your pick between 4 guys as to who was the team leader (and I usually take Mount Cody).  Touchdown Tommy II is the obvious difference every week for the Cardinal.  I'm not voting but I get the impression I'm not alone in my "anybody but McCoy" mentality.  That guy looks like what I think of when I hear the term "system QB" used as an insult.  McCoy is a good college QB who plays on a great team.  If Case Keenum were playing in that system this year, Texas would have scored 100 pts in at least 2 games.  Tim Tebow is a college-only great player.  In spite of what Fran Tarkenton might think, mechanics matter a lot.  The thing about throwing mechanics, as it applies to Tim Tebow, is that he winds up to throw the ball.  He will get hit a lot and he will telegraph too many passes to succeed in the NFL if he plays like this.  I get the impression that he is capable of fixing his issues bur he is a project.  I don't have any idea who is a good QB coach for him but he needs someone good.  But I digress, this is a college football discussion.  I wouldn't vote for Tebow if I had a Heisman vote but Jesus is a worhwhile candidate.  Florida's skill players are undisciplined and the Gators would probably be a 3-loss team without Tim Tebow.  Here is my flash analysis new top 5:

1.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford
2.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama
3.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston
4.) Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska
5.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State

Heisman Gangbang For the second Saturday in November

Ryan Mathews is still #1 in my mind and in my heart but I doubt the jerkwads who vote for the Heisman will see it my way at all.  I've got a fast riser on the list but I doubt he will make it through the weekend intact.  Jimmy Clausen is gone.  Thank you Navy for aligning my conscience and my intellect.  These are my imaginary votes for the Heisman up until this point in the season.  If I could vote for the awards, this would be my ballot.  And then there are some others considered at the end.  I am crunched for time and will not have links to stats/profiles for the players so just bear with me.  I might come back later and add links but probably not.

1.) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - Easily the best running back in the country based on performance.  Pretty much the most entertaining player as well.  I don't have any criteria for "best" that trumps those two.  If you have to go to a sports bar to watch this guy play you should do it.  Mark Ingram is pretty good, too, but this is the fucking show right here.  Does he play weak competition?  Sure, a little bit weak.  But his best game of the year was against Boise State.  They're pretty good.  And he destroyed them with 3 runs of over 60 yds in the same game.  CSUF lost but that's not even close to Mathews' fault.  This guy is The REAL Jesus of college football (TRJ for short).

2.) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - I'm almost as much in the bag for this guy as I am for Mathews.  That game last week was awesome and Keenum definitely kept hope alive.  That and the guy who dropped the onside kick at the end.  Case Keenum was still the guy that put UH in position to win on the last second FG.  If you haven't seen Keenum play and you still hold onto the antiquated notion that Houston runs a run & shoot and their QBs can't hack it in the league, fuck you.  Watch him play and try to give logical reasons as to why Colt McCoy's weak arm and questionable decisions are more deserving of a Heisman vote.  Houston is fun to watch so do it.

3.) Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I give up.  I watched him trucking defenders against UT-Knoxville and it clicked for me.  OK, Ingram winning the Heisman is perfectly legitimate.  Now I'm thawing on my stance that he doesn't deserve it because he isn't the best player on his team.  I like Richardson long-term a lot better but this guy is really fucking good.  Shaun Alexander good but with a much better team around him.  Why am I selling Mount Cody down the river like this?  I'm not, he's #4.

4.) Terrence Cody, DL, Alabama - This guy might be a bust in the NFL but I'd be surprised.  First of all, he won't get drafted as highly as his rep would make it seem.  Second of all, being a big fatass with good quickness is pretty much what you need to play D-Line.  Third, he's reaaaaaalllllllllly fat.  He reminds me of Sam Adams, which is good.  Sam Adams played in the NFL starting in 1776 and just retired a year or two ago.

5.) Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford - Good show, Touchdown Tommy II, you destroyed Oregon.  Chris Owusu is awesome and Andy Luck frees up a lot for Gerhart but it was Toby chucking Oregon defenders all over the place and scoring over and over and over.  I am a little bit hesitant to put him higher because I have a bad feeling about what USC's defense will do tomorrow but if the season were over now, Toby would get a vote from me.

Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - He's got the opps to move up and the whole season for the Gators actually hinges on the SEC championship so I wouldn't really mind if Tebow ends up winning the thing even though he's bored me all year and can't throw the ball without shotputting it.

Bernard Pierce, RB, Temple - He deserves consideration but I don't think he's better than the other guys I've written up here.  He could move up.  Wait til next year, you will hear of him.

NFL Week 10 - Trying To Heed The Curve

It's week 10 in the NFL and that means Thursday night football!  Wait.  It does?  Why?  How long has this been going on?  Well, it ruins my already problematic rhythm of doing Heisman writing on Thursday and NFL on Friday.  But I might have messed that up in the past, too.  This is no research just opinion idiocy brought to you by the Comedy Corporation.  Funny, right?  No.  The correct answer was, "no."

Last week was a rough stretch here at laugh-o.  7-6 is the kind of result that gets one fired and replaced by air.  40-27 on the year is looking more like Charlie Weis' head coaching resume.  Is it time to cave in and start writing about basketball?  No, it's not.  I haven't really been watching the early NBA action and my interest in college basketball is wholly centered around the won-lost record of the Georgetown Hoyas.  I'm determined to have more good weeks of picking games starting right now.  This is, like, so serious.  Here have them, the purple team is the winner.

THU, NOV 12    
Chicago at San Francisco - Enough of this curse business from Gregg Easterbrook.  Crabtree and Alex Smith both need a win.  These are two teams that both seem to be sinking except that the 49ers play well every week and just lose.  Maybe they'll give up and start getting blown out, maybe they'll keep fighting.  I think Crabtree, Gore, Vernon Davis and the 49ers D are pretty good plays in this game.  Alex Smith might be OK but I don't trust him yet.  Jay Cutler can only be helpful in fantasy football but you'll never be an NFL GM so that should be good enough for you.  I have a fantasy team with its fortunes tied to Matt Forte's production.  If you can avoid this situation, do so at all costs.  Apparently Ced Benson wasn't the problem for all those years in Chicago.

I am posting this with no write-ups just so I can be ahead of the game tonight.  I'll come back and edit later.
EDITED!!!!!


SUN, NOV 15
New Orleans at St. Louis - How much advice do you need here?  OK, how about this, Rams goddamn awful receivers are untrustworthy in even blowout conditions and Marc Bulger seems likely to throw a ton of interceptions.  Steven Jackson should have some value because he's the best receiver on the team and he might break a big TD because that's always possible with him.  If you have anybody on your fantasy team that wears the Saints uniform you should know to start them pretty much every week, especially against a bottom-feeder like the Rams.  I'm going to guess the final as somewhere near 50-21, Saints win.

Tampa Bay at Miami - Tampa won last week and the rookie QB looks a little better than the 2nd year QB that the Bucs have been trotting out.  They put up some points and I'm thinking that Derrick Ward might be a decent play.  Sammie Stroughter might see some yardage, too.  But the last time I thought the Bucs had a shot they put up 56 yds of offense for the whole game.

  
Detroit at Minnesota - See the Rams write-up.  Adrian Peterson could see 200 yds in one half.  It might be worth it to play Chester Taylor in this one.  It's really bad.  I think Megatron is still out.  Matt Stafford is OK as a rookie.  Any good performances on Detroit are a mistake.  Vikings by 39.


Jacksonville at NY Jets - I don't like either of these teams.  The Jets are a terrible team masquerading as a below average team.  MJD is great and David Garrard will be OK.  I'd stay away from Sims-Walker, though.  Darrelle Revis is the real deal even if the rest of his team isn't.  Thomas Jones should be good for yards.  One of the Jets pass catchers will be good in this one but I don't know for sure which one it will be.  Maybe Dustin Keller?

Buffalo at Tennessee - Don't play anyone on the Bills until further notice.  Titans have Chris Johnson, at least.  Good enough for 3 in a row!


Cincinnati at Pittsburgh - I don't think one of these teams is necessarily better than the other but I do think Ced Benson will have a horrible game this week.  I've been wrong all year about that but I've just got a feeling, you know?  Both QB's and both WR corps should be good plays.  I'm a strong advocate for Rashard Mendenhall.


Denver at Washington - The Redskins are already at the bottom.  Ladell Betts will be fine in this game.  Brandon Marshall is a good bet to score the only TD in this game.  Should be a loser for fantasy offenses but both defenses should be OK.

Atlanta at Carolina - Play every RB and Matty Ice in this game.  Roddy Smith isn't hurt, is he?  I don't remember.  He might be.  I might have invented that.  Keep an eye on it.  Tony Gonzalez is still an automatic start.

Kansas City at Oakland - Dwayne Bowe, Zack Miller, and Huggy Bear Jr. are the only possible plays in this game.  DHB is coming around but Jamarcus Russell is not.  I'd consider either defense if my regular D were on a bye.  Should be low-scoring and full of turnovers.


Seattle at Arizona - The third in a series of terrible matchups for Super Bowl contenders.  Don't think it's a good idea to play any Seahawks for the rest of the year but particularly here.  Play every Cardinal, even Hightower.  634-8, final score.  You heard it here first.


Dallas at Green Bay - You know?  I'm a believer in the Cowboys offense for this game.  Lots of yards, good amount of points.  Play Romo, Austin, Witten, Barber and maybe Felix Jones.  Aaron Rodgers and the starting WRs for Green Bay are worth a start, too.  Don't fuck with these defenses, though, they're both kind of crappy.

Philadelphia at San Diego - I'm going with the home team but I'm not totally sure of this.  Both QBs should be strong and I like LeSean McCoy a lot, DeSean Jackson is awesome, and Darren Sproles is a pretty steady performer.  For my own selfish purposes I want Vincent Jackson to go off and from my perspective it seems more than possible.  This game will be pretty high scoring.


New England at Indianapolis - NFL refs will never allow it but I want the Colts to win by at least 20.  I don't know that anyone beyond the obvious big names is a very good play in this one.


MON, NOV 16
Baltimore at Cleveland - Brady Quinn, welcome back!  3 INTs seems like a reasonable goal.  But he might throw for more, let's not undersell him.  Ray Rice, Willis McGahee, Todd Heap and Whacko Flacco are guaranteed to score 3 TDs apiece.  Wait, maybe my math is wrong.  Would that be possible if the team only scores 105?  Maybe put Cribbs in your lineup if you get points for return yards.  Unless he's hurt.  Then you probably are better off getting your points someplace else.

Stay drunk and don't drive in school!