Saturday, December 08, 2007

HeisMANIA! (+ other stuff)

Clever, right? 'Cause everyone's going nutso trying to wait for the Tostitos Heisman Tophy presentation presented by Preparation H and underwritten by a grant from Prudential with a see-through dress by Victoria's Secret. That's what we're all here for. I'm a big supporter of Michael Crabtree (WR, Texas Tech) as has been previously noted. I really believe he'll make a fine NFL receiver in the far off, distant future when the redshirt freshman makes that leap. Others I'd like to see win are Chris Long (DE, UVa) or Glenn Dorsey (DT, LSU). I'd also love to see DJ Hall (WR, Alabama) as a finalist. I've never watched Chase Daniel (QB, Missouri) and thought, "Wow, this is the best player in the country." Which should now be a prerequisite. Because every player in the country makes their way to some channel you have access to at some point in every season. There won't be another Andre Ware anytime soon (lost in the pseudo-debate about system QB's on the WWL is the fact that Ware did something really cool that nobody had done before and he beat out Anthony Thompson, who went on to be a notably terrible NFL player his damn self. Also, Ware actually comes across as a decent guy and he did follow up a player whose eye-gouging staistical season, Barry Sanders, has stood up pretty well over time) winning the Trophy while not playing on TV. More side note: Jack Pardee might come back and coach Houston again? Why is that being discussed? At least Houston wouldn't have a problem scheduling their 12th game (an idea I hate, by the way) as long as he's there. Every old SWC team would line up for their chance to try and hang 100 on Pardee. In other words, long live the Run N' Shoot! That didn't make sense in context? Well, neither does your mom, dickhead! (Oh, dear...) But really, it's hard for a player to not be on TV. Once the SWC was broken up all we're left with is the SEC for massive recruiting violations. And they self-report pretty quickly (you can look it up. Believe me 'Bama hasn't done anything the Golden Dome hasn't done. Except for going 3-9, of course) thus ruining the chances for a true Death Penalty. But you know who has been on TV a lot? And most of the time has made me think at leas once every game, "Wow, I've never seen that before"? Or, more to the point, "Wow, he's the best player in the country... with a shot a Heisman. Easily the second-best player on Florida this year." Yep, Tim Tebow (QB, Florida). Percy Harvin (WR, Florida) can't win it because he misses too much time. But Tebow is almost as awesome to watch. Why do people hate him and not Colt Brennan (QB, Hawaii)? Because nobody hates Hawaii football. Why should they? It still seems quaint that there even is a Hawaii football team. Go Rainbow Warriors! From, Everybody. Really, Brennan is the definition of a Career Contender. His last game was great. But he's missed a high percentage of snaps and doesn't actually lead the country in anything this season. He's just broken some career records. And mostly kept his hands to himself. Good show, Colt. No, really, it was a good show. He's a good college player and I don't have a problem with his candidacy. But it is for show, not reality. Kevin Smith (RB, UCF) just makes me sad. He's going to break Barry Sanders season record for rushing. But with 3 extra games to do it. And with half the TDs. Why did the NCAA decide to allow bowl games to count for season totals but not go back and tack on bowl games to the season totals of the past? If they had Sanders would be pretty much safe as the king. I like that a player from UCF is somewhere near the dartboard (in my day we had a QB named Daunte Culpepper from UCF. He was pretty good. And he can throw one hell of a sex-boat party when he feels inclined to do it! ) but I also feel like, secretly, Kevin Smith is 32 years old. I can't explain that notion but it makes him less qualifyee to me. Mostly he just makes me miss the first time I actually followed the race to the Heisman. Shouldn't Smith's numbers put him over Darren McFadden (RB, Arkansas)? Anyone who has actually watched McFadden can tell you unequivocally that he looks pretty good. Depending on the game he looks really awesome. Sometimes he even looks better than Felix Jones (RB, Arkansas). I can't be the only one that thinks McFadden is Thurman Thomas to Jones' Barry Sanders. It will surprise 3 people in the country if Felix Jones goes over 2,000 yards and 30 TDs next season. So, as I blend that up let me remind you of my rigorous analysis and well-structured open essay on the subject, before I hit you with this: Just give the fucking thing to Tebow already. He's a legitimate superstar, not some crappy Gino Torretta-type (remember, this is a Miami fan here) player who wins it but leaves people wondering if they could just not give out the award at all if this is the best we can do. Tebow is better than McFadden. And I'm predicting that McFadden will not be anywhere near as good in the pros as Adrian Peterson. Or even his own younger backfield mate.

How has this blog turned into sports-sputterings? I'm lazy and write about things that are easy. Pick the low-lying fruit as it were. Trying to catch people's attention and get some page views. But that won't happen, so let me just say this anyway (????): Poor Sean Taylor. Why did he have to be put on trial for getting killed? Does it really matter at that point if he lead a reckless lifestyle as a 22-year old millionaire? Does it make it better for his family and friends if "He had it coming?" Does anybody else get the same sick feeling when ESPN writes another story about how the streets of Miami came back to bite hime? Jesus Christ, be human about the thing. He got killed for nothing. Or, more along the lines I'm trying to lay down here, he got killed. This is not a "Leave Britney alone!" type rant but I do feel that the coverage of Sean Taylor's murder has been abysmal and that ESPN should be even more ashamed than usual.

Quick thoughts that can't be supported, substantiated or elaborated: Dennis Kucinich is a dick but the LA Weekly is populated by horrible writers and even worse people. CineFamily ( is one of the awesomest things that has ever come up in L.A. and I love this city. This is BEOWULLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! Cultural politics are a sham that is making all us sheep worker-bots let ourselves slip farther and farther into wage slavery until we are all replaced by robots and that day is not nearly as far off as you probably think it is. So get some intellectual property, learn to farm, and drop out now if you really hate your existence as much as I'm willing to bet you do. Obama-Edwards '08! Please God let their be a labor resurgence. I don't want to be in a studio apartment when I'm 63 unless I got there by way of some horrible personal tragedy rather than a long series of sheepish actions and a lifetime of having no money. Goodbye, good luck and be safe!