Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Avatar Trailer

Uh... Um... Uh, hmmm. Ummmm. Uh. No, not unless... Hold on... Wait a second. I don't think I actually liked that trailer at all. Sure, it was in French but I think it still looks the same as the English language version. I mean the movie looks the same. Wow, I, uh, don't think the blue guys look all that cool. It kind of looks like an extended sequence from Star Wars Episode I. Which wasn't all that great. Really. Not sure about this movie. I'll have to watch The Abyss again and think about it. Maybe it's good in IMAX? I don't know. Wow.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Oh, Yeah

One more thing! Thanks, Sarah at DirecTV's office of the preasident, for finding a way to get our DVR and dish to be switched out for Hi-Def versions. Now, if only our HDTV hadn't exploded and died. But that's not DirecTV's fault. Just another day in life of a goddam bawse.

No More Cattle Calls

I think I might need to give CareerBuilder a rest. Every response I've gotten has turned out to be of the door-to-door sales variety of jobs. I don't think I'm going to find my place in the world by selling people cable or make-up that they haven't asked for. I also might be a little too old to take these things seriously. Every room I walk into with a bunch of 20-year olds in cheap ties and a bunch of 45-year olds in cheap ties makes me cry very loudly inside. And I almost laugh every time. I'm feeling phased out of the workplace right now. Am I alone in this? I'm glad I left the seafood industry, glad I went to Kansas and helped Lauren's movie production. I just really need money right now and the trees are not shaking out what I was hoping for. I've hit financial rock bottom and I'd like to find some income before I discover the lie that there is no debtor's prison in the U.S. Oh, well, President Dog and 2 Segway 2 Die aren't going to write themselves.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Michael Vick! Michael Vick!

Michael Vick now has a chance to be like Kordell Stewart, circa 1995, for the Philaelphia Eagles. Is Vick going to become a great QB? Almostg certainly not. I kind of hope he does, though. I don't hate dogs, by the way. Michael Vick is a giant asshole and he deserved to be taken low. Probably not much, if any, more than any other star but he deserved to be knocked down. If you take animal lives so lightly, you probably don't do well with the value of human life, either. That being said, he's not the worst person that ever lived and he's a pretty entertaining football player which is all I want and expect from him. Make football entertaining in a way other than screaming at the distended voices coming from the TV: "You are an idiot! Who cares about all this sanctimony! Talk about the plays and leave me alone!" (That is what I say to the announcers during every game. They never hear me.) I hope Vick is exciting but I expect this to be a sad, boring sideshow that ends way more quickly than anyone is willing to admit. Remember when Ricky Williams came back? No? It's because he got hurt right away. Vick will also be hurt immediately when he finally makes it into a regular season game.


I'm predicting Jahvid Best (RB, California) wins the Heisman and at least two of the three finalists from last year will not be finalists again this year. Maybe all three of them. My second pick for the Heisman is Noel Devine (RB, West Virginia) and in third place I'm saying Joe McKnight (RB, USC). Basically, I'm expecting a running back who can actually make cool looking plays to win the Heisman. And maybe Jesus Little Brother (QB, Florida) can finish as a close runner-up. But I'm guessing Bradford (QB, Oklahoma) gets hurt and Major Applewhite or whatever that Texas QB's new name is just doesn't do very much this year to stand out from the rest of his team. Sure, I'll be wrong but I just thought I should put this in writing. Also, Stephen Strasburg is going to suck and Michael Vick will be gone from the Eagles before Donovan McNabb is.

Medical Insurance

I have lost all the paper work I need to file to get money for being hit by a car. It happens, right? Well, it probably doesn't happen to a lot of people. I mean, lots of people get hit by cars but most of them don't actually get the driver's info, let alone lose the driver's info. I'm in complete meltdown mode right now. I moved and lost all my paper work. Does this tie into a super-narrative? No, it does not. I wish healthcare and transportation were entirely nationalized but can't figure out how to run for city council or have more than 3 people read a single blog-post, let alone lead a movement to make fundamental shifts in the way our American society is organized. I would like to fundamentally change the expectations people around the country and world have for what will happen to them when they have problems in life. But I will focus more closely on figuring out how to get unemployment money because I am super broke. Oh, well. Somebody pointed out to me how easy it is to do background checks on people now - just search for their personal web pages and whatever. Well, now I'm nervous to actually post anything the slightest bit personal but a little too lazy and unconcerned to actually go back and change any postings.

Anyway, I am very much disheartened by the healthcare "debate" that's going on "around the country". I would love to see a news report actually address the apathy and ineptitude of the average American. Nobody cares about anything. Madden 10 comes out tomorrow. It will sell more copies than any newspaper or magazine explaining in minute detail what are the actual issues at stake in the healthcare, um, movement. What are we supposed to worry about if the alternative to an HMO is a government run HMO that you still have to pay just as much to be a part of? Has anybody involved in the argument actually stopped to say, "Wait, this changes nothing." But it's scary to people who think Socialism (i.e., a system that is built upon communally divided resources, ideally resulting in shared positive results) is the devil above all other devils. I don't have anything to add to this debate but I would love to see a healthcare system that is based on raising the level of care for the entire country rather than protecting very large corporate interests come hell or high-water. Good luck to everybody who can read.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Oh, Great Burdens

I've been unemployed for more than 4 months now. My bank account is overdrawn, I have no job prospects, the TV has blown it's screen, DirecTV has screwed us over, and I feel like the whole planet has moved on from me. Woe, oh, woe is me. Seriously, I got hit by a damn car. I can't find all the materials I need to finish the claim with the insurance company so that I can get paid and pay off all my massive hospital fines. What the hell is going on with me? I've signed up with every temp company in Los Angeles and not a single one wants to hire me. I suppose I'm going to be acting. I believe Lauren has taken to lying to her mom to say that I've been working. I haven't been working. And I haven't gotten a check from the EDD, either. I got a thing saying they would pay me but still no check. I really need that money right now, too.

Out of all these trials and tribulations which one do you think I am most concerned with right now? That's right. It's DirecTV. I couldn't even watch it right now because the TV doesn't work but I am pissed at those little fuckers. We ordered from them because we figured they couldn't be worse than Time Warner. We were wrong. And can somebody explain to me where is the contract we signed with them? We have a copy of a work order that was signed - that's not a contract. It just says that we received equipment. Anyway, here's the problem. The motherfucker that took Lauren's phone call sold us on NFL Sunday Ticket by throwing in every channel for free for six months. His words "every channel, every sports channel, all the HD channels" for $49.99/month. Well, that sounded pretty good and even seemed good when the guy was installing the system. After we signed off on the installation we were informed, "That's not a HD receiver." What the fuck? How did that happen? Well, both the installer and the Paul Giamatti-looking guy that came over an hour later told us that we could get the equipment swapped out for free and it wouldn't be a big deal. Well, the first person we spoke with at DirecTV told us it would be about $200 to get it fixed. No big deal to a multi-billion dollar company but to us with no income and no savings, it seems like a big deal. I'd bet it's a big deal to the $8/hour customer service people pushing it on me, as well. I need to do some research on how to contact the corporate offices of DirecTV because this was just the first asshole we dealt with. Don't know if it was a woman or a man. The second call was to some lady with a very chipper voice who seemed determined to fix our problem free of charge. Of course, I dropped my phone when she put me on hold and that call was lost. Next up came some dick with a Texas drawl. He's seen this type of thing before (of course he has - it's done on purpose!) and the customer always ends up paying. At this point I'm not even sure it's worth it to pay the monthly bill, let alone the bullshit $300 that Texas man has come up with. He's offering a credit on the $300 so we wouldn't end up paying that money in the long haul, right? Well, there's something really ridiculous about me and my girlfriend paying for a customer service mistake so I tell the guy that I don't have any faith his company would actually follow through with that credit. He passes me to his manager, who most likely isn't a manager at all but is the guy sitting at the next desk over, and this guy tells me in his deepest manager's voice that there's nothing he can do. I give up. I hang up on that guy and go eat or something.

Cut to this Thursday. I think about how stupid the phone operators are at DirecTV and decide to send an email. Guess what I got back today? The same offer for a $300 upgrade but without the service credit. Isn't that sweet? I believe I will tell everyone who I know is considering DirecTV that they need to do whatever they can to get away from these assholes. Time Warner? Better picture quality, no contract, more of a sure thing, still giant assholes as a company but way better than DirecTV. Fios or UVerse? No contract, better Internet connections, bunch of assholes but better than DirecTV. I give up on life but that doesn't mean anyone else has to. You, gentle reader, can turn the course of time against these purveyors of phishing and bait and switch by not giving a call in the first place to DirecTV. Help me in the future!