Horrible week for me last week. I went 51-19 (118-31 overall) and the Hurricanes looked downright fraudulent in what will apparently be their only regular season game against a legit power team. I think we can write off Pitt and FSU at this point. North Carolina and Georgia Tech are damaged goods, as well. Navy is struggling and a Michigan guy is the clear-cut early season zeitgeist-grabbing player. I don’t really have anything against Michigan but I wish I could believe in Denard Robinson to last the whole season and I wish I could expect a little better team record for a Heisman contender. The Wolverines are gonna lose 5. The ACC and the Big East are looking like the dregs of college football right now. I still don’t have much of a grasp on what to expect from week to week. One of my losses from last week stands out. I wrote about Hawaii beating Army but highlighted the service academy. Army lost (but only by 3 points!), of course, but it goes on the wrong side of the ledger for me and my record.
Thursday, September 16
Cincinnati at North Carolina State – Remember back in the last decade when this would have been an easy pick? Now both teams are awful. Conundrum’d.
Friday, September 17
Kansas at Southern Miss – Sort of interesting game. Both teams are a little weak but could hang around enough to play in their conference title game. Did I just write that? Yep. It won’t happen for Kansas but they’re probably not going to be too bad by the end of the year. I think they’re in the shit half of the Big XII.
California at Nevada – If I get a chance to watch this game I’m taking it. This has strong 100+ point potential (between the two teams – maybe for Berkeley by themselves) and I want to watch Colin Kaepernick because he’s going on the next Heisman list for me when I get around to writing it.
Saturday, September 18
Ohio at No. 2 Ohio State – Buckeyes bore me to tears. Why do they win so much? I hate them.
No. 12 Arkansas at Georgia – Arkansas hasn’t been ranked this highly without being a fraud at any time that I can remember. They’re still fugazi and Ryan Mallett is a piece of shit. Bark on ‘em, Dawgs.
Massachusetts at No. 20 Michigan – Second year in a row Michigan reaches 4-0 before the rug gets pulled out from under them.
Maryland at No. 21 West Virginia – It’s on the schedule so I guess they’re really gonna play it. I want to like both of these teams and I still can’t do it. Noel Devine needs to bust out for a 400 yd game at this point to be back on anybody’s radar.
Kent State at No. 22 Penn State – Penn State got smushed by Alabama and, in the process, proved nothing to me about themselves or their opponent. I guess they’ll win here but they could still go 6-6 without surprising me.
Georgia Tech at North Carolina – Shitastic. Carolina is a mess so of course they’ll have their best season since Mack Brown was there.
Connecticut at Temple – OK, Pierce, I’m fucking sick of this. Run wild or just quit. You’re good at quitting so that should be easy for you.
North Texas at Army – Woohoo!
Northern Illinois at Illinois – Zook!
Iowa State vs. Kansas State* - HP has this K State guy up on the list. I’ll reserve judgment for a few weeks but I hope he’s as good as his early draft reports.
Ball State at Purdue – Fuck you, Marve.
Vanderbilt at Mississippi – Ole’ Miss can definitely find a way to lose even this one.
East Carolina at Virginia Tech – In my gut I see the Hokies 0-3. I’m siding with my intellect and giving them the win.
No. 1 Alabama at Duke – TV deals are awesome because games like this end up being televised nationally.
Air Force at No. 7 Oklahoma – I would choose this over most of these games if I am given the option.
No. 8 Nebraska at Washington – Nebraska can delay their own fraud tour one more week in order to cancel the notion that Jake Locker deserves to play in the NFL.
No. 10 Florida at Tennessee – This used to be my favorite game of the year in the Spurrier Era.
Arizona State at No. 11 Wisconsin – John Clay needs to stop sucking in a hurry if he wants to make my preseason Heisman pick look good.
No. 18 USC at Minnesota – Why did USC schedule this game? Nothing good can come of this.
Hawaii at Colorado – Hawaii travels a lot.
Brigham Young at Florida State – Boy. Hmmm. FSU is bad. Still picking them.
Colorado State at Miami (OH)
Washington State at Southern Methodist – I don’t know if there was ever a time when both of these teams were good. Neither of them is good now, but Washington State is a laughingstock.
Troy at UAB
Central Michigan at Eastern Michigan
Baylor at No. 4 TCU – TCU is at least as big of a fraud as Boise but they will not be called out on it. If this team gets to the NC game look for them to get their brains bashed in.
Indiana at Western Kentucky
Louisville at No. 25 Oregon State – Awful game. I feel sorry for people that watch this.
Portland State at No. 5 Oregon – Oregon will run the score up as they’ve shown in both of their games so far. This game might be the most distant point of a karmic boomerang.
Furman at No. 13 South Carolina - See ya later, Saunders.
Mississippi State at No. 15 LSU - I'm kind of not gonna be very surprised if I get this game wrong. LSU is kind of crummy. Did you see where I had the Gators choking against UT? The only reason I'm not picking the upset here is because I only expect one in the SEC this week. But one is just the cap I'm setting.
Clemson at No. 16 Auburn - Cam Newton for Heisman gets a big boost this week before going away very shortly.
Akron at Kentucky - What the hell is this game doing taking up time and resources that could be used for literally anything else?
San Diego State at Missouri - Missouri should win. I'm still not picking them.
Marshall at Bowling Green - Marshall could win here and turn some kind of corner in... whatever conference it is that Marshall currently competes in. I would bet the opposite.
Tulsa at Oklahoma State - This is a great opportunity for a man named Kendall to boost his national stock in a non-TV game. 300 yds or bust, buddy.
Middle Tennessee at Memphis
Northwestern at Rice - Dreg on dreg violence. This horrible season might end up with the Big 10 the best conference in the land. Just for this one season!
Florida International at Texas A&M - Let's go FIU... Internationals? I've no idea what they are. They're losers, I know that much, but nothing else.
UCF at Buffalo - Buffalo is dead to me! You hear me? Infestation!
Navy at Louisiana Tech - go Middies. go.
Toledo at Western Michigan - Huge national title implications.
Maine at Syracuse - The Orange are so far down that I had to think about this. There's been a few wins by I-AA schools already this year and I think Maine is a I-AA school.
No. 3 Boise State at Wyoming - It's weird but I sort of want Boise to lose now. As much as I like the idea of a "small" team like theirs in the title game, I was really horrified by how boring BSU looked in the opener. If they keep playing like that I'll be glad to be rid of them.
No. 6 Texas at Texas Tech - If it weren't for the Craig James' son fiasco I would definitely pick the Red Raiders. Because without that nonsense Mike Leach would still be the coach. Texas hasn't been very good so far but I get the distinct impression that they are the best team in the Big XII other than Oklahoma.
No. 14 Utah at New Mexico - Wow. I never knew that Utah was ranked so high before now.
Southern Utah at San Jose State - ?
Notre Dame at Michigan State - I haven't seen the Michigan States play but I have seen some of Notre Dame's first couple of games. Michigan State couldn't be that bad, could they?
Fresno State at Utah State - I should watch this if it's on but I will probably make up a crossword puzzle or take a nap instead.
Louisiana-Monroe at Arkansas State - Go Monroe!
New Mexico State at UTEP - UTEP should play Kentucky at least once every year in every sport. That doesn't very much apply to this game, now, does it? So it is.
No. 9 Iowa at No. 24 Arizona - Nick Foles > Ricky Stanzi
No. 23 Houston at UCLA - Houston might be without Case Keenum. UCLA is terrible. I'm gonna take the Bruins as winners here, close my eyes and not look again until it's over.
UNLV at Idaho
Wake Forest at No. 19 Stanford - Stanford looked great against UCLA last week. I hope Owusu gets back soon.
And we're done. NFL tomorrow, Heisman Friday, alcoholic stupor all weekend.