Wednesday, November 11, 2009

College Football Week 11 - BCS Bukkake!

I have a dream of what this season can become.  It's a convoluted dream filled with destruction and hypocrites.  I'm sure that even if every game result that I want to happen in the top 10 of the BCS between now and the time that the bowls begin I still would not get the result I want.  Because I've figured out how Boise State can play in the BCS title game.  It involves a lot of upsets on rivalry weekend.  And everything needs to turn out right this week for it to even have a possibility of happening.  Please god read what I write in the coming weeks.  Please.  I need validation.

I went 37-16 last week.  Right about my normal range.  I got Navy over Notre Dame but I honestly would have picked that way whether I believed it or not.  I couldn't quite countenance the Stanford win but I was aware of Stanford's talent (I still like Owusu better than Touchdown Tommy II but I can't deny Gerhart his place in the Heisman race for this week).  My worst misses were picking Wyoming over BYU (52-0 the wrong way.  And by the wrong way I mean it the same way Sublime did.  Which is up the ass) and I picked SDSU to upset TCU.  I didn't watch the game but I think TCU actually just spotted SDSU their 12 points then the Horned Frogs went out and scored 55 points in 13 minutes and they called it a game.  Something like that anyway.  I'm at 223-98 for the year.  I feel OK with that standing.  The drill is, as always, the team written in purple is my predicted winner.


Ohio 27, Buffalo 24 - never ever ever ever ever ever ever will I pick the Tuesday game.  Well, shit, it's already Wednesday, right?

Toledo at Central Michigan - This game might have already happened.  I don't know and I don't care all that much.  It's funny if I got it wrong.

Bowling Green at Miami (OH) - Well, my whole premise in picking games is that I do no research so I can't look this up.  I think these teams have combined for 2 wins this year.  It will become 3 by the end of this game!

Ball State at Northern Illinois - I can't remember everything.

No. 24 South Florida at Rutgers - USF fucks up every time they look like they're on a roll.  They'll probably beat Miami.

No. 25 West Virginia at No. 5 Cincinnati - This is an important part of my plan.  I actually think the Big East is fairly strong from top-to-bottom so I don't think this is UC's last chance to fail.  But this is the best chance they have.  West Va has been awful on offense lately and Cincinnati is one of the best defensive teams in the country.  I don't care.  I need this for my dream scenario.
Temple at Akron - Bernard Pierce!  I saw Temple got a few votes in one of the polls this week.  Also, I've discovered that they are in the MAC in football.  What the fuck?  Can't some other A10 schools put together football programs and have an A10 conference in football?  It would be easier, I suppose, if the NCAA adopted my plan to have a single D-I for football (similar to basketball) and a season-ending tournament to crown a champion (similar to every other division of football other than D-IA and, also, every other team sport on the planet).  I want Pierce to light it up and get Temple into the top 25.

No. 3 Texas at Baylor - OK, my plan is not really this dumb.  I'm hoping for the 'Horns to lose the Big XII title game but I will keep picking against them for as long as I must.

No. 7 Georgia Tech at Duke - Georgia Tech is a fraud, aren't they?  I don't believe a team could get wiped out by this year's Miami team the way these guys did without being a bad team.  Miami is a good team this year, a slightly fringe top 20 (just wait and see - I hope I'm wrong), with one major asset.  They're really fast.  They aren't disciplined and they don't really play as a team all the time.

No. 15 Houston at UCF - Keenum needs to keep putting up 500 yds/week to really have a shot at a Heisman.  He wears Klingler's number so maybe he can go for 11 tds this week.
Indiana at No. 18 Penn State - Wouldn't be shocked by an Indiana win.  Slightly surprised would be the more apt phrase.

Michigan at No. 20 Wisconsin - Why would anything in the Big 10 make sense?  All 11 teams in the Big 10 suck.  That's why they combine to only equal 10.
Syracuse at Louisville - Holy shit.  This is a disaster.
South Dakota State at Minnesota
Tennessee at Mississippi - Jevan Snead has been terrible all season and this will be his worst game yet.
Clemson at North Carolina State - NC State is a shitty team and Clemson is on a roll.  The ACC is just as bad as the Big 10.

Florida State at Wake Forest - I want to believe.
Virginia Military Institute at Army - Hmmm.  Of all the IA vs. IAA games that could be played, this is one of the few that makes sense.

Northwestern at Illinois - Wowzers.  I'm familiar with the work of the Zooker so I can't pick any team he coaches.
Michigan State at Purdue

Kentucky at Vanderbilt
Missouri at Kansas State - I don't trust K-State yet but Bill Snyder's moving them in the right direction.

No. 21 Virginia Tech at Maryland - Why are the Hokies still ranked?
UAB at Memphis
Western Michigan at Eastern Michigan - ?????
No. 22 Brigham Young at New Mexico - Whatever, BYU.  Whatever.
Colorado at Iowa State - Oh, Dan Hawkins, how bad have you made the WAC look?

San Jose State at Utah State
UTEP at Southern Methodist - You know, these two coaches probably shouldn't be at these two schools.  Wazzou can still take Price back, can't they?  I don't know the story there.  If the fans and regents aren't too mad at him it seems like it's worth a try.  What could go wrong?  Is Washington State going to somehow lose all their games even more?

No. 1 Florida at South Carolina - Florida can actually afford a loss and still make the BCS title game but that game has to be during the next two weeks.
Idaho at No. 6 Boise State - Boise State obviously needs to win every game if they are going to even finish top 5.

Stanford at No. 9 USC - I don't trust the Stanford momentum.  Really, if last week's game were in Oregon it wouldn't have even been a Stanford win.  USC, on the other hand, could probably lose to Washington State at this point and it would be slightly surprising but also only drop them to #15.

No. 10 Iowa at No. 11 Ohio State - I'd like to see Iowa finish 8-4.  They seem like an 8-4 team from a middling conference.

No. 14 Miami (FL) at North Carolina - I don't really believe Miami will win this game.  I don't like to say that.  I want Miami to win this game by 60.  Probably more than any other game all year I want Miami to win by a huge amount.
Washington at No. 23 Oregon State - Jacquizz Rodgers won't win the Heisman.  He has even lost his hype in the Pac 10.

Tulane at Rice
Boston College at Virginia - Hahahahahahahah!  I'm kidding but whatever.  I'm not picking against UVa.

Nebraska at Kansas - Nebraska beat Oklahoma last week and has a legitimate claim to the best single player in college football.  But they're also a horrible train wreck on offense and can find ways to give up points and lose no matter what Suh does.

Delaware at Navy - Uh, go Middies.  I guess.  I hate the 12 game schedule so much.

Arkansas State at Florida Atlantic
Western Kentucky at Louisiana-Monroe
Fresno State at Nevada - Mathews, listen to me.  You can't get the credit you deserve without at least 1 game of over 300 yds.  The more the merrier, in fact.  Don't take plays off and steal the ball from the QB if he drops back to pass.  You're in the huddle with him so you should know when it's coming.  If it take 70 carries to get the yards you need?  So be it.  Make it fucking happen.  I'm sick of having nobody I know even realize you exist.
Louisiana-Lafayette at Middle Tennessee State
Southern Miss at Marshall
UCLA at Washington State - You might get the impression I'm trying to lose 30 games this week.  You might be right.  Like a fox.

UNLV at Air Force
No. 2 Alabama at Mississippi State - Alabama needs to lose before the SEC title game and lose the SEC title game in order to have Boise play in the BCS title game.  'Bama will roll the Mississippi State Bulldogs but they might lose the Iron Bowl.  Auburn's not that bad and the Iron Bowl is their only big game left.  Including whatever shitty bowl game they go and lose.  The Iron Bowl is awesome.  I'd watch it even if both teams were 1-10 coming in, because they will still play a great game just so they don't have to listen to some drunken rednecks tell them for the rest of their lives that they suck.  Even if the only bad game they ever played was against Alabama/Auburn.
Louisiana Tech at No. 8 LSU
Auburn at Georgia - I said all that stuff about the Iron Bowl so now I feel compelled to take Auburn.  Realistically I think the biggest difference between these two teams is where the game is played.
Texas A&M at Oklahoma - Big Game Bob.  Whoo.

North Texas at Florida International
No. 16 Utah at No. 4 TCU - This needs to happen.  My dream scenario is impossible if TCU keeps winning.  Utah is a totally legit team so this can happen even though TCU has looked inde-fucking-structable the last couple of weeks.
Troy at Arkansas
Notre Dame at No. 12 Pittsburgh - Good night, sweetheart, now it's time to go...

Texas Tech at No. 19 Oklahoma State - Final score prediction: 24-23.  Yep, that's not very high at all.
Wyoming at San Diego State
New Mexico State at Hawaii
Arizona State at No. 13 Oregon
No. 17 Arizona at California - Berkeley is only happy when it rains.  They're only happy when it's complicated.

East Carolina at Tulsa - This is just such a stupid trend that I can't handle it.  The NCAA is a bunch of fucking jerkass idiots.  That is all.

Have some fun with this if you read it.  Predict my record for the week!  That should be fun for you if you've made it this far.