Saturday, October 30, 2010

Let's Try To Explain Things

I've left the prognosticating business indefinitely. Why? Because I got really depressed about college football following losses by Miami and Notre Dame. Both have two losses now. Eyehateeverrthang.  I had a plan to start writing about the Heisman race but I don't even have an opposing view to shove out there. I could dedicate myself to writing a blog tearing down Kellen Moore but that's about it. LaMichael James and Cam Newton are awesome. I love to watch Denard Robinson. Matt Barkley deserves a little bit of attention and Justin Blackmon might need to be knocked down a few pegs at this point. My viewpoint on the race this year IS the mainstream view. I think I'll be petty happy with the winner, whoever it ends up being. I don't even hate Terrelle Pryor as a candidate. Just Kellen Moore. He is, as has bothered me with candidates (& winnars) in the past, not even the best player on his own team. Titus Young, bitches! Titus Fucking Young! So that's that. No more excitement about writing when I don't have an opposing viewpoint. I am a hater.

I'll tell you one thing, this song is about syrup:

Do you agree?  Just because they look like the Black Eyed Peas with their stupid little clothes and "hot girl" in the group (just to be clear, Fergie is not hot) and their terrible dancing and unnecessarily glossy video doesn't mean they aren't contributing to the transformation of "fly" from meaning cool to meaning hammered. They even reference the song that started that slide in the hook. I stand by it. These little kids are talking about what all little kids are talking about these days: doing drugs. Ah, well, it's all I cared about when I was young enough to still hope for the future.

Go Hurricanes! Go Middies! Hoya Saxa!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

NFL WEEK 5 - Love Lifts Us Where We Belong

Football sucks.  There, I said it.  I mean, it's better than doing dumb stuff like talking to friends and family or being active outdoors but it's terrible.  The Miami Hurricanes just got blown out.  See?  It's terrible.  I'm just gonna fling darts at these games and home I come up with the same type of results I had last week.  10-4 picking last week's winners (36-26 overall now) and I have no memory of anything that happened.

Week 5
SUN, OCT 10 
Jacksonville at Buffalo - Jacksonville's riding high on their home victory over the Colts last week where a fan fell off the stadium from inside.  Buffalo is considering going 0-16.  I think this is the Bills only chance at a win but I only know for sure that the Bills have 5 players on their roster.  Still going to pick home team Buffalo to win in home stadium.
Tampa Bay at Cincinnati - Tampa Bay! Tampa Bay! If I could find a good video of the Bucs owner's speech after winning the Super Bowl it would've gone here.
Atlanta at Cleveland - Atlanta's actually good, I think.
St. Louis at Detroit - The two worst teams from last year facing off. It's the Suh vs. Bradford battle that college football fans didn't get last year.
Kansas City at Indianapolis - Wow, Indy, you sure sucked last week.  The Chiefs can win if they just keep running.  NFL coaches aren't that good with football, though, so expect Matt Cassell to go something like 16-40 with 3 INTs.  The Chiefs being undefeated has gone on just about long enough, now.
Green Bay at Washington - Green Bay did a great job of hiding their suckiness throughout the offseason when people were expecting to contend for the Super Bowl. Washington is probably a little better than most prognosticators expected.  Not by much, though, and this game seems to be a matchup of near equals.  Mediocrity forever!
Chicago at Carolina - Mediocrity forever!
Denver at Baltimore - Don't listen to anyone that tries to tell you Baltimore's offense is anything other than horrendous.  They are wrong or lying or both.  And, yet, the Ravens are probably the best team in the league. 
NY Giants at Houston - The Gaints are worse than I ever thought they'd be.  The Texans rely a lot more on a WR than most people realize.  Andre Johnson is hurt but will probably play.
New Orleans at Arizona - Max Hall will prove you wrong, whatever you may have though of him.
San Diego at Oakland - Still don't think that much of the Chargers.  Even though I know how little I think of the Raiders, it seems like a good week for the silver & black.
Tennessee at Dallas - Bunch of bullshit...
Philadelphia at San Francisco - Fuck this game.

Minnesota at NY Jets - I can't wait for the reaction when Favre is announced at the beginning of the game and the picture on your TV is a text of his cock. Randy Moss is back where he belongs!


Thursday, October 07, 2010

COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK 6: Big Week For The Home Teams

Things are in a bad way for my prognostication career. 33-19 last week means I'm still losing ground and I'm already 0-1 for this week.  I've got two games that will not count because the Golden Rule here at laugh-o  is "College football played prior to Thursday is an envisible tree falling in an abandoned wood."  Those games don't count.

UPDATEL I'll do it romorrow. I'm tirerd

Tuesday, October 5
Troy 42, Middle Tennessee 13
Wednesday, October 6
UCF 42, UAB 7
Thursday, October 7
No. 7 Nebraska 48, Kansas State 13

Friday, October 8
Connecticut at Rutgers - This should be a better game than it is.
No. 22 Oklahoma State at Louisiana-Lafayette - That man named Kendall needs a bunch of TDs to put himself into any sort of discussion. Right now I'm considering not finishing this article. Everything is, in fact, terrible.
Saturday, October 9
Indiana at No. 2 Ohio State - So want to pick Indiana.
Minnesota at No. 20 Wisconsin
Syracuse at South Florida
Boston College at North Carolina State
Illinois at Penn State
Central Michigan at Virginia Tech
Western Michigan at Ball State
Temple at Northern Illinois
Baylor vs. Texas Tech*
Tennessee at Georgia
Colorado State at No. 25 Air Force
Memphis at Louisville
Bowling Green at Ohio
No. 1 Alabama at No. 19 South Carolina
Wyoming at No. 5 TCU
No. 11 Arkansas vs. Texas A&M*
No. 17 Michigan State at No. 18 Michigan - Shoelace needs 600yds total offense to really pull ahead of the Heisman pack.
UCLA at California
Virginia at Georgia Tech
Pittsburgh at Notre Dame
Clemson at North Carolina
UNLV at West Virginia
Western Kentucky at Florida International
Akron at Kent State
Army at Tulane
Utah State at Louisiana Tech
No. 3 Oregon at Washington State - Might be one of the biggest blowouts of all time. Washington State beat UCLA for about 2.5 quarters last week. LaMichael James will strangle the daylights out of the Coogs.
Oregon State at No. 9 Arizona
San Diego State at Brigham Young - It's Ronnie Hillman time! I want him to be the next Marshall Faulk but I have to believe that BYU is going to pull up out of the full on nosedive they've been doing.
Navy at Wake Forest - Go Middies!
No. 10 Utah at Iowa State - Utah has been very good in the recent past. I have no opinions to offer on the current squad but I'm pretty sure they're better than the Cyclones.
Colorado at No. 24 Missouri - Ugh
Eastern Michigan at Vanderbilt
Arkansas State at North Texas
Miami (OH) at Cincinnati
Florida Atlantic at Louisiana-Monroe
No. 8 Auburn at Kentucky - Every time I choose the Auburn game for the week the words "most over-rated team in America" ring through my head.
No. 12 LSU at No. 14 Florida - Harder to pick than it would seem if you're opinion of LSU is formed by blogs and sportswriters. LSU has looked awful and won. Florida has looked horrible and won, too, but they also lost to Alabama last week. There's only one sure thing in this game: depression.
Purdue at Northwestern
East Carolina at Southern Miss
Toledo at No. 4 Boise State
No. 23 Florida State at No. 13 Miami (FL) - Another week another "this could be the most important game of the season for Miami!"
USC at No. 16 Stanford - Nothing is over, Stanford. Nothing!
New Mexico at New Mexico State
Mississippi State at Houston
Tulsa at Southern Methodist
Rice at UTEP
Arizona State at Washington
Hawaii at Fresno State
San Jose State at No. 21 Nevada


I won't make it home in time for a proper post before the Nebraska - Kansas State game so I'm doing a short one from my phone. Kansas State gets my upset pick for tonight. Nebraska can't run the table and now seems like a great time to lose. The Heisman is currently a 2-man race between Denard Robinson and LaMichael James. Dark horses include Colin Kaepernick and Patrick Peterson. Navy might now even beat Notre Dame.   I can't get stupid blogger to work on my android phone & that pisses me off.

Sunday, October 03, 2010

NFL WEEK 4: The Big Comeback

OK, so I may not be the equal of a farm animal when I make picks.  I thought I was playing safe last week and it didn't work out so well.  I went 7-9 (26-22 on the year).  I wish I could say I felt improvement but I am at a loss from game to game, on a weekly basis.  I don't care enough.  I might be sliding back towards disinterest in football now that I don't have a current copy of Madden, NFL Sunday Ticket, or 168 hours/week of free time.  Ugh.  It's a life, though, I guess.  Here's the games for this week.

San Francisco at Atlanta - San Francisco was my "breakout team that nobody really cares about" in my preseason rankings and here they are the first team to fire a coach.  They appear to be a bit of a mess.  I don't trust them on the road at St. Louis, and Atlanta's a good team.  A team with a coach "on the bus."  I thought Matt Ryan was garbage in college but I like him in the pros.  This seems like an easy pick.

Cincinnati at Cleveland - It makes sense to me that Cleveland would run 50 times/game and distribute those carries between 3 or 4 backs.  I don't run an NFL team and the Cleveland coaching staff seems hell-bent on throwing it no matter what level of re-tread they have behind center.  Cincinnati has been a bust on offense and Ced Benson looks very much like the one-year wonder most people had to expect him to be.  1,000 yds is in reach, but so is a 3.1 yd avg.  Great stuff.  Go Ohio!

NY Jets at Buffalo - Buffalo is terrible and Mark Saanchez actually looks pretty good so far.

Seattle at St. Louis - There will be two head coaches in this game with no track record of success in the NFL at the head coach position.  Somebody has to win, though, and St. Louis got their win for the first half of the season last week.

Denver at Tennessee - These are teams that look like they will never put it together this season.  I like Demariyous Thomas and Chris Johnson.  Decisions, decisions to make.

Detroit at Green Bay - Holy shit did Green Bay fuck up last week.  There is probably not a particularly dominant team this year.  Looks like a good year for Baltimore to win it again.  Green Bay can't run for shit but Detroit can't do anything particularly well.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh - Joe Flacco might be more Rick Mirer than Joe Montana.  Pittsburgh is overdue for a correction but they won't be nearly as bad as I predicted in the preseason.

Carolina at New Orleans - Carolina is a contender for the top pick in the draft next April.  New Orleans should have a good workout.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville - If Indianapolis loses this game, Peyton Manning should announce his retirement before heading to the locker room.

Houston at Oakland - Good lord, when will it be over? The Raiders don't have a lot of talent to show for all those high picks they've made in recent years.

Washington at Philadelphia - Here it is!  I could've sworn this was a night game but I see from it's place on the schedule that it is, in fact, not.  Donovan McNabb deserves to beat Philly just because the idiot fans in Philly still don't understand that he is their best QB in 60 years.

Arizona at San Diego - Both teams will try their damndest to lose but the lukewarm responses of San Diego stadium attendees (those aren't fans) will be just enough to lift them up to less failure.  A win's a win, right?

Chicago at NY Giants - The Bears are a train wreck that hasn't happened yet and the Giants are a train that wrecked in an uncharted region of desert that has been kept mostly under wraps.  Word is getting out.  But the Bears need to lose and I will pick them to lose every week until they do.  And then for 3 more weeks after just for good measure.

New England at Miami - Don't care.