If there's one thing that's always interested me in folklore it's the idea of selling your soul to the devil. If there were a devil that offered me a bunch of money or something for my soul I'd have a tough time saying no. It seems like the devil should have a phone bank somewhere staffed with plenty o' operators calling around to poor areas and offering several hundred dollars a pop to buy souls. "Need cash in a jiffy without giving up anything your currently using? Sell your soul to us!!"
It seems like a good deal. I'd have to hold out for seven figures but the devil has so much money that it shouldn't be an object. Basically what I'm doing here is begging for a job as a lobbyist. NORML has lobbyists, I think. Isn't that what they are, a lobbying group? The idea of making weed legal seems like a spiritual calling even though I haven't smoked in years.
When I was a kid I had a nightmare about a picture of a hand. I've probably bloggerized this story before but my archives are so... 116 posts in 7 years is it? Wow, that's not prolific at all. Anyway, I dreamed that we had a picture of a hand on the wall of our TV room. It was gray and hairy and the background was dark, like the hand was reaching up from hell. The hand was balled up in a fist. In my dream, my parents told me and my brothers that the hand could drag you to hell if you stared at it fro too long. Which makes sense. If you've got a portal to damnation, leave it where the kids can see it. Anyway, the dream goes on to me and my brothers playing some sort of game where we are running in circles through the TV room, through the windows, onto the porch and back into the TV room (got it? We were climbing through the window and running for some reason) while our parents sat on the couch watching TV. Of course the hand caught my eye and I got grabbed. I was slowly pulled into the picture while my family watched it slowly happen.
The Devil is one of my favorite icons for some reason. I loved the demon in Legend. I loved any movie that featured a deal with the devil. Lord of lies? Lord of the flies? Great. I remember that passage of the Bible. Also, the part where the Devil tries to tempt Jesus in Gethsemane (I think that's where it happens) and he shows him all the awesome stuff that you can get when you join The Devil Team? Jesus had bigger goals, I guess, but I would've jumped all over that deal. Plus, in some christian book or another there was a picture of the Devil handing Jesus a loaf of bread and ever since I saw that I've tried to find that perfect looking loaf of bread. Fucking, devils, man. There kind of fascinating.
Maybe this offers some kind of insight into my soul. Maybe you are reading this and thinking, "Hmmm, I could use a backup soul in case my current one starts to break down." Maybe you are The Devil. If you are The Devil, I have to admit that in spite of my eagerness to sell my soul to you I have no desire to eat poop. If you are unaware of why I say that, it is because The Devil lures little kids to be bad by telling them to eat poop. Look it up, it's in the Bible.