I've been unemployed for more than 4 months now. My bank account is overdrawn, I have no job prospects, the TV has blown it's screen, DirecTV has screwed us over, and I feel like the whole planet has moved on from me. Woe, oh, woe is me. Seriously, I got hit by a damn car. I can't find all the materials I need to finish the claim with the insurance company so that I can get paid and pay off all my massive hospital fines. What the hell is going on with me? I've signed up with every temp company in Los Angeles and not a single one wants to hire me. I suppose I'm going to be acting. I believe Lauren has taken to lying to her mom to say that I've been working. I haven't been working. And I haven't gotten a check from the EDD, either. I got a thing saying they would pay me but still no check. I really need that money right now, too.
Out of all these trials and tribulations which one do you think I am most concerned with right now? That's right. It's DirecTV. I couldn't even watch it right now because the TV doesn't work but I am pissed at those little fuckers. We ordered from them because we figured they couldn't be worse than Time Warner. We were wrong. And can somebody explain to me where is the contract we signed with them? We have a copy of a work order that was signed - that's not a contract. It just says that we received equipment. Anyway, here's the problem. The motherfucker that took Lauren's phone call sold us on NFL Sunday Ticket by throwing in every channel for free for six months. His words "every channel, every sports channel, all the HD channels" for $49.99/month. Well, that sounded pretty good and even seemed good when the guy was installing the system. After we signed off on the installation we were informed, "That's not a HD receiver." What the fuck? How did that happen? Well, both the installer and the Paul Giamatti-looking guy that came over an hour later told us that we could get the equipment swapped out for free and it wouldn't be a big deal. Well, the first person we spoke with at DirecTV told us it would be about $200 to get it fixed. No big deal to a multi-billion dollar company but to us with no income and no savings, it seems like a big deal. I'd bet it's a big deal to the $8/hour customer service people pushing it on me, as well. I need to do some research on how to contact the corporate offices of DirecTV because this was just the first asshole we dealt with. Don't know if it was a woman or a man. The second call was to some lady with a very chipper voice who seemed determined to fix our problem free of charge. Of course, I dropped my phone when she put me on hold and that call was lost. Next up came some dick with a Texas drawl. He's seen this type of thing before (of course he has - it's done on purpose!) and the customer always ends up paying. At this point I'm not even sure it's worth it to pay the monthly bill, let alone the bullshit $300 that Texas man has come up with. He's offering a credit on the $300 so we wouldn't end up paying that money in the long haul, right? Well, there's something really ridiculous about me and my girlfriend paying for a customer service mistake so I tell the guy that I don't have any faith his company would actually follow through with that credit. He passes me to his manager, who most likely isn't a manager at all but is the guy sitting at the next desk over, and this guy tells me in his deepest manager's voice that there's nothing he can do. I give up. I hang up on that guy and go eat or something.
Cut to this Thursday. I think about how stupid the phone operators are at DirecTV and decide to send an email. Guess what I got back today? The same offer for a $300 upgrade but without the service credit. Isn't that sweet? I believe I will tell everyone who I know is considering DirecTV that they need to do whatever they can to get away from these assholes. Time Warner? Better picture quality, no contract, more of a sure thing, still giant assholes as a company but way better than DirecTV. Fios or UVerse? No contract, better Internet connections, bunch of assholes but better than DirecTV. I give up on life but that doesn't mean anyone else has to. You, gentle reader, can turn the course of time against these purveyors of phishing and bait and switch by not giving a call in the first place to DirecTV. Help me in the future!