This is a day late and I don't have a good reason. I made up my mind on who would be #1 last Sunday and haven't been convinced otherwise or even really questioned the thought. I just didn't feel inspired to write it yesterday and now I'm falling behind. I'm going to do my NFL column today. I'm in the no-research auto-pilot phase and I have to look back and make sure I'm actually doing these columns right. Is the Heisman column on the wrong day? Is the NFL column on the wrong day? I don't think the Heisman column is actually research free but I am trying as hard as I might to base these opinions on what I've seen this year. Doesn't mean Christian Ponder is closing in on consideration even the announcers last week said he's "been playing as well as any of those guys." No, he really hasn't or FSU wouldn't have collapsed into the pile of shit that they've been. Ponder has had 3 good games this year and FSU is 2-1 in those games. Yeah, yeah, they've got 3 losses and so does the other "FSU" (Fresno State, who I've noted before is actually CSUF) but, guess what? The QB's big job in football is to make everybody on the team (at least on offense) elevate their game. Florida State's line has been wretched and their receivers have been inconsistent. That falls on Christian Ponder a lot more than Ryan Mathews has to account for the shitty defense at Fresno State. Ponder is also off the hook for Florida State's shitty defense, btw.
Big tumblers this week? Mt. Cody didn't eat up much space last Saturday and I'm not even going to write him up this week. Nice for me to preach about consistency, huh? Rolando McLain was okay but didn't have a great game last week. Because, you know, Cody and the line were merely decent laast week instead of dominating. Jimmy Clausen looked great bringing Notre Dame back, and definitely solidified his candidacy in my mind, but he also rushed his last three passes when he had a chance to tie the game. They should have gotten it to overtime and if Clausen is the best player in the country, he should have made a play in that situation. So he's not even second this week. I admit I'm giving Tim Tebow a huge pass in this whole process. No way has he looked like the best player in the country. Soft tosser McCoy still doesn't look that good to me. I thought he was legit when I watched him last year. This year he looks like Doug Flutie's body and athleticism with Bernie Kosar's arm. Bernie Kosar was once in a televised QB competition where the longest throw he could make was 19 yards. That's as far as he could throw it. Colt McCoy remids me of that. Except that Bernie also couldn't run to save his life and he was 6'5" or so. McCoy is about 6' and can run.
I have been on record as being a lover of defensive candidates. I might have to bite the bullet and drop all my non-Suh contenders. Nobody else looked like a great player last week and Suh is only a consideration for me because he gets a ton of hype. He's good, don't get me wrong, but I always hate the Heisman candidates that don't really strike me as future All-Pro's in the NFL. Suh strikes me as overrated in college and the pros. That doesn't mean all pospects are Heisman candidates, though. Jimmy Graham looks like the surest bet of any pass-catcher in college ball right now but he doesn't make a lot of plays because he is in his first year of football in 4 years. Suh and Cody might be back on the list next week, or even some other new defensive discovery. Also absent this week is Brandon Spikes. Is he seriously hurt? UF is a little fucked if he's out. Maybe moreso than if Tebow misses a game or two. I don't waste time writing about injured guys as Heisman candidates until the end of the season. So Spikes is off the list until further review.
Who is on the list? This is it:
1) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - My favorite new show of the fall leads the country in rushing. I was surprised to find out he doesn't lead the nation in 20+ yd rushes because it seems like he's good for at least 10 on every play. He averaged over 10 yards per carry last week and went over 200 yds again but nobody cared about it because A) he's supposed to do that every week and B) he plays after everyone, including West Coasters, has bgone to sleep. Also, the game wasn't available anywhere that I could find. I've seen plenty of Mathews this year, though, so don't worry. I have a pretty good idea of what I missed.
2) Case Keenum, QB, Houston - I was watching Houston play last week and something occurred to me that I don't think I'd realized before. Case Keenum might be the best pro prospect of any QB in the country. Seriously. Tony Pike is brittle. Jimmy Clausen is a hot-head. Tim Tebow has the worst footwork this side of Jamarcus Russell (no more capitalized "M" for the time being). Ryan Mallett needs to play another year and Sam Bradford is an over-rated product of Oklahoma's system. Case Keenum makes throws through zone coverage in perfect time with his receivers and with real force. He's a prototype size and he's quick with his release. He also plays against generally lousy teams but I think I like what I've seen. This might be my new Andre Ware. I spent 6 years hoping Ware could get in the right situation to become a star and now I'll hope the same for Keenum. I don't know how teams in the league feel about him. He might be a top 10-kind of guy already. I think Dallas might be a good situation for him. He can take over for Romo in the 2011 season and have a solid supporting cast while whatever new coaching staff is in Dallas by then puts together the next generation of over-hyped Cowboys players.
3) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - I can't be bothered to go back and look this up but I think this might actually be the same spot I had him in lasat week. So much for falling. I've written enough about this guy.
4) Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - If for some reason the NFL decided to have a skills competition between Devine and Mathews at next year's scouting combine I would DVR that shit. I like Devine a little better from an entertainment standpoint and he's definitely playing against tougher opponents most weeks and yeat, still, I rate Mathews as a better player. Devine didn't have a great game last week but I think I've figured out why the story arc has lead me to where I am: West Virginia doesn't rely on Noel Devine nearly as much as they should. He doesn't get the ball enough to be the real heart of the team the way he should be. It's too bad because he is the most enjoyable player in college football since... um, Percy Harvin. Last year. So not that long ago. But Devine has totally lived up to his high school-days YouTube hype as far as I'm concerned.
5) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - The power of Christ compels you! Since I just mentioned Percy above let me point this out: two years ago, before I realized how much work Tebow needs to do to become a legit NFL passer, I argued (lightly) with my friend Jackson that Percy Harvin was the real reason Florida was so good on offense. It occurred to me last week, as Florida slogged out an unimpressive and officially questionable win, that I was absolutely correct. I have Tebow on here out of habit. I though he should have won last year because I had taken the same pills as everyone else and Percy missed time in a few games. Tebow should have won his second Heisman last year and it's starting to look like he will win it this year instead. But he should get credited as a fullback this year because he barely ever throws the goddamned fucking ball. And it annoys me no end. Percy Harvin was the reason Florida's offense looked so good the last three years. And Tim Tebow doesn't trust his receivers nearly enough. Seriously, he has no obvious rapport with any of the guys on the field this year except for the white guy and the tight end. That's another reason Tebow will not be very good in the league. Unless he gets drafted by Minnesota and gets to throw to Percy Harvin all the time. So why is Tebow on my list? I feel compelled to put him on here. And I would honestly still give him a vote. I think you get five votes when you vote for Heisman, don't you?
The rest of the bests:
Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - I feel traitorous putting him this low. He had a really great game last week, too. Against UCF, though. And he did throw 2 INTs against FAMU. He is legitimately the "franchise" in Miami right now and if Miami wins out there's a good chance I'll be screaming for Jacory by the end of the year.
Ryan Williams, RB, Virginia Tech - Love the player, hate the game. Virginia Tech choked to death against Georgia Tech last week. It was entirely a defensive letdown and Williams shouldn't be penalized for that. Still, I'm disappointed in all the Hokies right now. For shame, Hokies, for shame.
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - I'm fine with the growing sentiment that an Alabama player has to be in the running for the Heisman because look at how fucking good that team is, would ya? But Mark Ingram is getting carried away on overstated hype. 'Bama's O-Line play has been spectacular and I don't get the feeling The Tide would lose any steam if Ingram goes out. Trent Richardson is just as good. Ingram gets most of the carries so he gets most of the yards. I'm not even arguing that Ingram isn't a great player. He is a great player. He just isn't the best player on his team, in his conference, or in the country.
Kellen Moore, QB, Boise State - Here's another beneficiary of a team needing a Heisman rep. Good quarterback, great situation, doesn't ever make me think, "I am watching the best player in the country."
Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame - This guy's name is a joke, right? I like the numbers he puts up and he does make some pretty good plays every week but I'm pretty sure Notre Dame would be fucked in the asshole very roughly if for some reasone Jimmy Clausen has to miss any time at all. On the other hand, if Michael Floyd hadn't gotten injured he would have probably made the Top 5.
Chris Owusu, WR, Stanford - The next Joe Cribbs!
Dion Lewis, RB, Pitt - I don't watch Pitt very closely when they're on and I never see this kid do much when I'm watching but he's got a run-away freight train of hype around him and he puts up some really good numbers. So I'll have to pay closer attention to boost him up by much.
Ricky Dobbs, QB, Navy - Best option QB since Tommy Frazier. No bullshitting either. I really believe it. Go Middies!
Toby Gerhart, RB, Stanford & Jacquizz Rodgers, RB, Oregon State - Let me clarify here on Jacquizz: I haven't actually watched him at all this year. I will, alright? I just haven't gotten around to it. I will see him this week, hopefully tearing up the USC defense again, but in the interest of journalistic integrity I have to give full disclosure. I've seen him before but not this year. Toby Fucking Gerhart is on here for the same reason Jacquizz is on here. They both score tons of TDs. That is all.
Demaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech - He looks like the second coming of Calvin Johnson but I wonder if it's just because nobody bothers to cover him. How can you ever expect a pass play from Georgia Tech? He deserves a mention, though, because he is like a nightmare presence lurking for anybody playing against Georgia Tech.
This list expanded this week. And I'm just cutting myself off now because I don't want to include any more admissions that I haven't seen some people play (like that WR from Bowling Green - your numbers suck in a really intertesting way) and I am going out of my way not to include and defensive players this week. I don't mind all the oddball candidates but I don't want Tebow to win it this year unless he does some really awesome stuff from now on.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
NCAA Football Week 8 (Sat., Oct. 24th) Predictions
Hurrah! No Tuesday games this week. And Orrin Hatch is wasting time and money on the BCS in the Senate. Could we end up with an actual national champion in college football in the next 5 years? Or will it be like the USFL vs. the NFL and Utah ends up with $3.76? I'm hemming closer to the latter.
Last week I was horrible at picking games. 33-20 for the week, dropping me to 109-50 for the year. That was my worst week, what gives? Ohio State fucked me again. I've been waiting for them to lose all year and they finally do it when I don't pick the upset. A high school coach is giving Tressel unsolicited advice, which is funny because it's on ESPN. Way to cover the big stories guys! Wisconsin is a worse team than Iowa but I still think Iowa sucks. Boise definitely deserves the BCS Championship gae if it comes down to those two. UCLA sucks! I should've been more of the decider on that one. Well, Berkeley still sucks, so I forgive myself for picking against them. Maryland v. UVa seemed like a toss-up but UVa ended up looking like the legitimately better team. Va. Tech v. Ga. Tech shocked me. It shouldn't have because the ACC makes no sense. I will be less than shocked if Miami shits the bed this week against Clemson. Todd Reesing announced his presence as a possibility for 6th team all-Big 12 after I hyped him a little last week. I won't be writing him up in the Heisman column tomorrow. Somehow I missed picking the Stanford v. Arizona game entirely. I would have probably picked Stanford, so it's just as well.
Onto the games! My rules willn't ever change. Purple wins and I'm not doing any research. Lines are for bettors and I don't want this to be considered an advice column.
WEDNESDAY
Tulsa at UTEP - I think this would be an upset but I keep forgetting if Tulsa is good or if it's Toledo that's good. In the way that they are not a horrible team, not in the way that they are contending for anything.
THURSDAY
Florida State at North Carolina - I'm rooting for the 'Noles and I can't expect them to lose every week. UNC is plummeting a little bit themselves, so this might be the best shot Bobby has to win a game in conference this year. Ouch.
FRIDAY
Rutgers at Army - Hmmm. I considered picking Army. That's not a great endorsement for the state of the program at Rutgers.
SATURDAY
No. 12 Georgia Tech at Virginia - Wa-hoo-wa! It could happen, right?
Minnesota at No. 19 Ohio State - Minnesota has looked terrible to me so far this year. Worse than Ohio State.
South Florida at No. 20 Pittsburgh - USF needs to win this game or they will completely unravel again.
Connecticut at No. 23 West Virginia - Tough spot for UConn. If you were one of the kids on this team would you be able to concentrate on the game? I think I would have about 5 minutes of adrenaline and 175 minutes of malaise. It makes it really hard to give the Mountaineers the kind of "go fuck 'em up!" kind of praise I would normally give them for this game. Did the killer ever get arrested, btw? I read that the police were closing in but I don't trust police cops a lot of the time.
Indiana at Northwestern - Indiana is as OK as a Big Ten team gets.
Central Michigan at Bowling Green - I read some thing about the Cent. Mich. QB and remembered he had a lot of hype last year. Go Chippewas!
UAB at Marshall - Usually when I write a comment like, "Is UAB a D-IA school now?" it's intended as a joke. In this case I' serious, though. Is UAB in the BCS side of D-I now?
Illinois at Purdue - A word of caution to the Purdue players: It's OK to think you're a good team for beating Ohio State. It is not OK to act like you are excited to beat a Ron Zook team. Just walk very professionally off the field at the end of the game. If it's close at the end you should only feel justifiably relieved. Beating Illinois has no bearing on what you will do with the rest of this season.
Arkansas at Mississippi - Ole' Miss has not impressed me. Arkansas has impressed me in spite of my gritted teeth.
No. 15 Oklahoma State at Baylor
Iowa State at Nebraska
Colorado at Kansas State - Neither of these teams makes any sense from one week to the next. I should pick Colorado because they have that one freshman RB who's awesome. But they won last week and I don't trust them to win again. K-State won last week, too, but I've been to both Boulder, CO and Manhattan, KS before. If I were in Manhattan I wouldn't have any trouble focusing on football.
Northern Illinois at Miami (OH) - Who cares.
Ball State at Eastern Michigan - Nobody cares.
Maryland at Duke - I had already highlighted Duke before I remembered I'd rather get the game wrong than pick Duke.
Kent State at Ohio
Buffalo at Western Michigan
Louisiana Tech at Utah State
Tennessee at No. 2 Alabama - McElroy might suck pretty bad in this game. This is a good test for 'Bama. Tennessee isn't that bad. They have a decent game plan most weeks, but their talent level is lower than Alabama's. I keep waitig for Trent Richardson to bust out but it looks like Mark Ingram has got the bulk of the work to himself. I forgot to point this out earlier but it bears mention: Jonathon Crompton is horrible despite anything his father might tell you.
Louisville at No. 5 Cincinnati
Clemson at No. 10 Miami (FL) - Clemson has talent but they shouldn't have kept the interim guy from last year. He's a bad coach. Miami might have problems defending against Clemson. This could end up very high scoring and Miami might lose it a little bit here. This game worries me.
No. 11 Oregon at Washington
No. 13 Penn State at Michigan - Michigan is at home and Penn State is over-rated. I mean, think of it this way, they lost to a Big 10 school and they're still ranked? Definitely in line for a correction.
Oklahoma at No. 25 Kansas - Kansas has a better record. But Oklahoma is a better team. The Chester at QB for them is probably just as good as Bradford, anyway.
Boston College at Notre Dame - Theoretically I should have some sort of Catholic pride for both of these schools but, instead, I have a maniacal hatred of both. I have no real idea of who to pick in this game. It should be a high-scoring game that will hopefully end in some sort of disaster where neither team is ever awarded a victory again.
Akron at Syracuse - This feels really weird. I'm picking Syracuse? Well, Paulus, don't turn the ball over this week no matter how much the other team wants you to give them the ball.
UCF at Rice - Covering my eyes and picking a team...
Western Kentucky at Middle Tennessee State
Wake Forest at Navy - Go Middies!
North Texas at Troy
Air Force at No. 18 Utah - Final score prediction: Utah 0.5 - Air Force (-)1. Historical impact will be a black hole.
San Diego State at Colorado State - I always pick SDSU and I don't have a good reason. Marshall Faulk should come here to coach so that he can do for the football team what Tony Gwynn did for the baseball team.
Idaho at Nevada - Bandwagon +1
Washington State at California - Oi to the motherfuckin V-iz-ey. Even Tedford can't fuck this one up can he? Just give Best the ball and take your chances against 11-man fronts.
Florida Atlantic at Louisiana-Lafayette - Great game.
UCLA at No. 22 Arizona - Wildcats aren't that good, either.
No. 6 Iowa at Michigan State - Just you watch. I'll be right one of these weeks! I feel like I've got a lot of upsets on this list.
Vanderbilt at No. 24 South Carolina
Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky
Florida International at Arkansas State
Tulane at Southern Miss
Texas A&M at Texas Tech - I hope this game is as bad as I'm expecting. I want TT to go for 100 the same week Crabtree debuts.
Temple at Toledo - Still can't remember which one is good. It wouldn't be much of an upset for a high school JV team to beat the Owls, so I'm OK with this pick no matter which "T" school has a decent football team.
No. 1 Florida at Mississippi State - Gators are trying to lose but I bet Miss State won't let them.
No. 8 TCU at No. 16 Brigham Young - Whoop-de-doo. One of these teams got steam-rolled by FSU. The other squeaked by Air Force. I hope neither of them is in a BCS bowl.
Auburn at No. 9 LSU - LSU is a stealth title contender in a year of not-great teams. Seems emblematic of the fact that LSU is not a great team.
Southern Methodist at No. 17 Houston - I think it was SMU that gave up 12 TDs to Klingler but I'll have to do some research to be sure. June Jones coat-game is ridic.
No. 3 Texas at Missouri - Wow, Texas. You suck, relatively speaking. Missiouri might not require the "relatively."
Oregon State at No. 7 USC
UNLV at New Mexico
Arizona State at Stanford - Owusu for Heisman!
Fresno State at New Mexico State - Ryan Mathews is starting to get some realistic Heisman pub and I wish him all the best in that. I like Noel Devine a little more because he seems a little faster and he's smaller, but Mathews has looked like a poor man's Barry Sanders every time I've watched him this year. Pat Forde's column yesterday featured some digression into how bad New Mexico and NM State have been this year. Hopefully that will translate into the 400-yd game Mathews apparently needs to get people to pay proper attention to how awesome he's been.
No. 4 Boise State at Hawaii - Come the goddam fuck on, Boise. I'm trying to believe you deserve a shot at the BCS title.
Tomorrow is Heisman Thursday here at the Comedy Corporation. Cheerio, chaps!
Last week I was horrible at picking games. 33-20 for the week, dropping me to 109-50 for the year. That was my worst week, what gives? Ohio State fucked me again. I've been waiting for them to lose all year and they finally do it when I don't pick the upset. A high school coach is giving Tressel unsolicited advice, which is funny because it's on ESPN. Way to cover the big stories guys! Wisconsin is a worse team than Iowa but I still think Iowa sucks. Boise definitely deserves the BCS Championship gae if it comes down to those two. UCLA sucks! I should've been more of the decider on that one. Well, Berkeley still sucks, so I forgive myself for picking against them. Maryland v. UVa seemed like a toss-up but UVa ended up looking like the legitimately better team. Va. Tech v. Ga. Tech shocked me. It shouldn't have because the ACC makes no sense. I will be less than shocked if Miami shits the bed this week against Clemson. Todd Reesing announced his presence as a possibility for 6th team all-Big 12 after I hyped him a little last week. I won't be writing him up in the Heisman column tomorrow. Somehow I missed picking the Stanford v. Arizona game entirely. I would have probably picked Stanford, so it's just as well.
Onto the games! My rules willn't ever change. Purple wins and I'm not doing any research. Lines are for bettors and I don't want this to be considered an advice column.
WEDNESDAY
Tulsa at UTEP - I think this would be an upset but I keep forgetting if Tulsa is good or if it's Toledo that's good. In the way that they are not a horrible team, not in the way that they are contending for anything.
THURSDAY
Florida State at North Carolina - I'm rooting for the 'Noles and I can't expect them to lose every week. UNC is plummeting a little bit themselves, so this might be the best shot Bobby has to win a game in conference this year. Ouch.
FRIDAY
Rutgers at Army - Hmmm. I considered picking Army. That's not a great endorsement for the state of the program at Rutgers.
SATURDAY
No. 12 Georgia Tech at Virginia - Wa-hoo-wa! It could happen, right?
Minnesota at No. 19 Ohio State - Minnesota has looked terrible to me so far this year. Worse than Ohio State.
South Florida at No. 20 Pittsburgh - USF needs to win this game or they will completely unravel again.
Connecticut at No. 23 West Virginia - Tough spot for UConn. If you were one of the kids on this team would you be able to concentrate on the game? I think I would have about 5 minutes of adrenaline and 175 minutes of malaise. It makes it really hard to give the Mountaineers the kind of "go fuck 'em up!" kind of praise I would normally give them for this game. Did the killer ever get arrested, btw? I read that the police were closing in but I don't trust police cops a lot of the time.
Indiana at Northwestern - Indiana is as OK as a Big Ten team gets.
Central Michigan at Bowling Green - I read some thing about the Cent. Mich. QB and remembered he had a lot of hype last year. Go Chippewas!
UAB at Marshall - Usually when I write a comment like, "Is UAB a D-IA school now?" it's intended as a joke. In this case I' serious, though. Is UAB in the BCS side of D-I now?
Illinois at Purdue - A word of caution to the Purdue players: It's OK to think you're a good team for beating Ohio State. It is not OK to act like you are excited to beat a Ron Zook team. Just walk very professionally off the field at the end of the game. If it's close at the end you should only feel justifiably relieved. Beating Illinois has no bearing on what you will do with the rest of this season.
Arkansas at Mississippi - Ole' Miss has not impressed me. Arkansas has impressed me in spite of my gritted teeth.
No. 15 Oklahoma State at Baylor
Iowa State at Nebraska
Colorado at Kansas State - Neither of these teams makes any sense from one week to the next. I should pick Colorado because they have that one freshman RB who's awesome. But they won last week and I don't trust them to win again. K-State won last week, too, but I've been to both Boulder, CO and Manhattan, KS before. If I were in Manhattan I wouldn't have any trouble focusing on football.
Northern Illinois at Miami (OH) - Who cares.
Ball State at Eastern Michigan - Nobody cares.
Maryland at Duke - I had already highlighted Duke before I remembered I'd rather get the game wrong than pick Duke.
Kent State at Ohio
Buffalo at Western Michigan
Louisiana Tech at Utah State
Tennessee at No. 2 Alabama - McElroy might suck pretty bad in this game. This is a good test for 'Bama. Tennessee isn't that bad. They have a decent game plan most weeks, but their talent level is lower than Alabama's. I keep waitig for Trent Richardson to bust out but it looks like Mark Ingram has got the bulk of the work to himself. I forgot to point this out earlier but it bears mention: Jonathon Crompton is horrible despite anything his father might tell you.
Louisville at No. 5 Cincinnati
Clemson at No. 10 Miami (FL) - Clemson has talent but they shouldn't have kept the interim guy from last year. He's a bad coach. Miami might have problems defending against Clemson. This could end up very high scoring and Miami might lose it a little bit here. This game worries me.
No. 11 Oregon at Washington
No. 13 Penn State at Michigan - Michigan is at home and Penn State is over-rated. I mean, think of it this way, they lost to a Big 10 school and they're still ranked? Definitely in line for a correction.
Oklahoma at No. 25 Kansas - Kansas has a better record. But Oklahoma is a better team. The Chester at QB for them is probably just as good as Bradford, anyway.
Boston College at Notre Dame - Theoretically I should have some sort of Catholic pride for both of these schools but, instead, I have a maniacal hatred of both. I have no real idea of who to pick in this game. It should be a high-scoring game that will hopefully end in some sort of disaster where neither team is ever awarded a victory again.
Akron at Syracuse - This feels really weird. I'm picking Syracuse? Well, Paulus, don't turn the ball over this week no matter how much the other team wants you to give them the ball.
UCF at Rice - Covering my eyes and picking a team...
Western Kentucky at Middle Tennessee State
Wake Forest at Navy - Go Middies!
North Texas at Troy
Air Force at No. 18 Utah - Final score prediction: Utah 0.5 - Air Force (-)1. Historical impact will be a black hole.
San Diego State at Colorado State - I always pick SDSU and I don't have a good reason. Marshall Faulk should come here to coach so that he can do for the football team what Tony Gwynn did for the baseball team.
Idaho at Nevada - Bandwagon +1
Washington State at California - Oi to the motherfuckin V-iz-ey. Even Tedford can't fuck this one up can he? Just give Best the ball and take your chances against 11-man fronts.
Florida Atlantic at Louisiana-Lafayette - Great game.
UCLA at No. 22 Arizona - Wildcats aren't that good, either.
No. 6 Iowa at Michigan State - Just you watch. I'll be right one of these weeks! I feel like I've got a lot of upsets on this list.
Vanderbilt at No. 24 South Carolina
Louisiana-Monroe at Kentucky
Florida International at Arkansas State
Tulane at Southern Miss
Texas A&M at Texas Tech - I hope this game is as bad as I'm expecting. I want TT to go for 100 the same week Crabtree debuts.
Temple at Toledo - Still can't remember which one is good. It wouldn't be much of an upset for a high school JV team to beat the Owls, so I'm OK with this pick no matter which "T" school has a decent football team.
No. 1 Florida at Mississippi State - Gators are trying to lose but I bet Miss State won't let them.
No. 8 TCU at No. 16 Brigham Young - Whoop-de-doo. One of these teams got steam-rolled by FSU. The other squeaked by Air Force. I hope neither of them is in a BCS bowl.
Auburn at No. 9 LSU - LSU is a stealth title contender in a year of not-great teams. Seems emblematic of the fact that LSU is not a great team.
Southern Methodist at No. 17 Houston - I think it was SMU that gave up 12 TDs to Klingler but I'll have to do some research to be sure. June Jones coat-game is ridic.
No. 3 Texas at Missouri - Wow, Texas. You suck, relatively speaking. Missiouri might not require the "relatively."
Oregon State at No. 7 USC
UNLV at New Mexico
Arizona State at Stanford - Owusu for Heisman!
Fresno State at New Mexico State - Ryan Mathews is starting to get some realistic Heisman pub and I wish him all the best in that. I like Noel Devine a little more because he seems a little faster and he's smaller, but Mathews has looked like a poor man's Barry Sanders every time I've watched him this year. Pat Forde's column yesterday featured some digression into how bad New Mexico and NM State have been this year. Hopefully that will translate into the 400-yd game Mathews apparently needs to get people to pay proper attention to how awesome he's been.
No. 4 Boise State at Hawaii - Come the goddam fuck on, Boise. I'm trying to believe you deserve a shot at the BCS title.
Tomorrow is Heisman Thursday here at the Comedy Corporation. Cheerio, chaps!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Programming Notes
I wish I could watch Stanford vs. Arizona and Fresno State vs. San Jose State but here I sit in California with my only choices for West Coast football being Washington vs. Arizona State, which is on 36 - 40 channels. Why can't one of them switch over to these other games? I would love to watch Chris Owusu going bonkers or Ryan Mathews doing whathe always does but I am instead watching baseball and switching back to the kind of awesome Navy-SMU game. June Jones is dressed as the Ghost of Christmas Past for some reason. Go Middies! I'd like to have an honest opinion on Owusu and Mathews games but I'll have to go off of their box scores. At least I've seen them both play already this year so I can fill in a lot of the mental blanks. I think Jacory Harris might have had the best game out of anyone I watched today. Jimmy Clausen lost and Matt Barkley was playing against Notre Dame's defense. Boston College's RB, whoever he is, went crazy but I didn't see it.
Friday, October 16, 2009
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (movie review, full of spoilers)
It's hard to trust movie critics on horror and comedy flicks. Comedy is a way people group themselves, not really a learned discipline. Comics can learn delivery to bring in a wider audience but people don't really learn how to be funn. This is meant as a note to every struggling actor & actress in L.A. paying tons of money to comedy coaches and improv classes. You might learn some stage techniques that will help you if you are funny in the first place but you are not funny in the first place. You know how I know that? You're an actor. You take the craft of acting seriously, therefore you have no sense of humor. Horror, to get back to my thesis, is just not liked by most critics. If a critic tells you the new Janusz Kaminski horror movie is well-crafted and eery that is a code word for boring. Remember when critics lined up in a bukkake line for The Blair Witch Project? That movie shouldn't even have been released. It's a bunch of jackasses getting lost in the woods and crying. But they had a good website and critics blew loads on it so it ended up making a shit ton of money and put Lions Gate on the map. Fuck Lions Gate for giving us that shitty movie and not even making the kids that made it obscenely wealthy. In my very direct route I am telling you that I had some reservations about Paranormal Activity. I didn't bother learning about it until the day I saw it and I didn't have real high hops for it. Based on my bad experience with critically acclaimed horror in the past.
I love horror movies in general. I can watch a terrible horror movie and hate it without ever turning it off. I loved A Nightmare on Elm Street from the second I laid eyes on it, and it was just stepping into the place previously held by movie monsters of the past (Godzilla, King Kong, werewolves, et al). I used to buy, steal, borrow books about monsters and horror movies constantly as a kid. But the monsters, for the most part, never struck me as scary in any real way. I just thought they were neat in the same way I liked the TransFormers. There's only one scary monster for a Catholic boy from D.C. like me. The Devil is it. He tells you to be gay and to eat poop. He's a molestor. It's worth the side note here that Drag Me To Hell is one of my favorite movies of the year so far.
Paranormal Activity does not concern itself with The Devil, per se, but it is dealing with possession and demons. I think of demons as spawn of Satan, so they might be working for him. I think the weakest part of the movie is the twist ending but let me build up to that point a little bit more.
First off, let's talk about what the movie does well. It avoids the handheld shakiness that most movies shot on video seem to wear as a badge. The fact that half the film takes place while the antagonists are sleeping is a smart conceit because it allows a natural reason for the camera to be on a tripod. I like the low-rent special effects. There are actual special effects in here. It's not ALL sound tricks and "atmosphere." Even though I was expecting the shadows and the footprints and the door slamming at some point, I didn't ever know when to expect it in the immediate scheme of things. Except the footprints. There was really only one place in the movie for the footprints. The ghost whisperer guy was a great external influence. He gave us a reason for a single setting by forcing the realization that they couldn't really run anywhere. And he was believable in his motivations as a character. The speeding up and slowing of the time code on screen was a good use of resources as well. It's good to focus the audience without necessarily leading them.
So what misses are there? Visually, this movie could date itself pretty fast. The actors and the house look like 2006. That's going to hurt the movie in the long run because the parameters of what is possible in digital film are changing drastically right now. This already is supposed to look like a home movie. I'm not sure how well it can stand up to multiple viewings because it secretly revolves entirely around visceral shocks. Most importantly, to me, is that the character of the lead male is very much a type more than he is a character. He's the male equivalent of a scream queen. Adds very little to the proceedings with his dialog/arrested character arc. I wish he would have done more to inject an honest reaction to what is in front of him.
This isn't a great review but I highly recommend this movie. It's as scary as a movie can be for me. Who isn't a little bit scared of the dark and the devil? The more primal the fears the deeper the connections in story telling. Paranormal Activity hits as many right spots as it can. I will probably never expend the energy necessary to even shallowly dissect Spike Jonze new movie, A Staggering Work of Pompous Unoriginality, but if you are taking suggestions from me, Paranormal Activity is much more worthy of your dollars.
I love horror movies in general. I can watch a terrible horror movie and hate it without ever turning it off. I loved A Nightmare on Elm Street from the second I laid eyes on it, and it was just stepping into the place previously held by movie monsters of the past (Godzilla, King Kong, werewolves, et al). I used to buy, steal, borrow books about monsters and horror movies constantly as a kid. But the monsters, for the most part, never struck me as scary in any real way. I just thought they were neat in the same way I liked the TransFormers. There's only one scary monster for a Catholic boy from D.C. like me. The Devil is it. He tells you to be gay and to eat poop. He's a molestor. It's worth the side note here that Drag Me To Hell is one of my favorite movies of the year so far.
Paranormal Activity does not concern itself with The Devil, per se, but it is dealing with possession and demons. I think of demons as spawn of Satan, so they might be working for him. I think the weakest part of the movie is the twist ending but let me build up to that point a little bit more.
First off, let's talk about what the movie does well. It avoids the handheld shakiness that most movies shot on video seem to wear as a badge. The fact that half the film takes place while the antagonists are sleeping is a smart conceit because it allows a natural reason for the camera to be on a tripod. I like the low-rent special effects. There are actual special effects in here. It's not ALL sound tricks and "atmosphere." Even though I was expecting the shadows and the footprints and the door slamming at some point, I didn't ever know when to expect it in the immediate scheme of things. Except the footprints. There was really only one place in the movie for the footprints. The ghost whisperer guy was a great external influence. He gave us a reason for a single setting by forcing the realization that they couldn't really run anywhere. And he was believable in his motivations as a character. The speeding up and slowing of the time code on screen was a good use of resources as well. It's good to focus the audience without necessarily leading them.
So what misses are there? Visually, this movie could date itself pretty fast. The actors and the house look like 2006. That's going to hurt the movie in the long run because the parameters of what is possible in digital film are changing drastically right now. This already is supposed to look like a home movie. I'm not sure how well it can stand up to multiple viewings because it secretly revolves entirely around visceral shocks. Most importantly, to me, is that the character of the lead male is very much a type more than he is a character. He's the male equivalent of a scream queen. Adds very little to the proceedings with his dialog/arrested character arc. I wish he would have done more to inject an honest reaction to what is in front of him.
This isn't a great review but I highly recommend this movie. It's as scary as a movie can be for me. Who isn't a little bit scared of the dark and the devil? The more primal the fears the deeper the connections in story telling. Paranormal Activity hits as many right spots as it can. I will probably never expend the energy necessary to even shallowly dissect Spike Jonze new movie, A Staggering Work of Pompous Unoriginality, but if you are taking suggestions from me, Paranormal Activity is much more worthy of your dollars.
NFL Picks for Week 6
I can't think of anything more important for me to do right now than to sit here with the Dodgers game on typing up an article nobody will read about the NFL season with commentary about fantasy football. I don't do extra research for this stuff (that's my big concept) other than what I normally do to get through a day without stapling myself to death. So I read websites like thebiglead and deadspin and ESPN and wonder how shitty I must be at writing thaat my attempts to become commenters on these sites don't even warrant a response from the assholes running the sites. How am I supposed to get work like that? Wow, the pity party is in full motherfuckin effizzect. I don't even feel good about rooting for the Dodgers. They're still a bunch of assholes. So, if you somehow stumbled into this one with no idea of how I operate I have to ask you, what are you doing here? And by way of explanation I offer this: I pick winners only. Purple is the color of winning. This is my second week with the NFL. I pick most of the college games in the same fashion. No research, just my gut. I am a decider here.
Last week I got a lot of things wrong. I called Dwayne Bowe "Derrick", for instance. I picked the Bills to win. I thought Cedric Benson would start to suck again. I went 8-6. Just picking winners. That's not very good. The NFL makes less and less sense to me as I get older. In high school this would have been entirely unacceptable. I actually made a point of saying not to play Braylon Edwards last week. How far off was I on that one? I did at least get this down on paper about the Pats-Broncos game (I picked Broncos by a field goal, btw, so it wasn't all bad for me): "This game will be dull and worthless with some fake-seeming "thrilling" ending to make it seem like you missed out if you didn't watch it." So you've seen my bonafides now, your can trust me, right?
SUNDAY, OCT. 18th
Houston at Cincinnati - I'm iffy on this. I don't trust the Texans and the Bengals are at home. Carson Palmer should throw for close to 400 yds. Benson should run for 150, which means he will NOW revert to form. I think Cincy's defense is legit but how much is homefield advantage worth when you can't really sell out the stadium? Did you know that nobody sold out any games at all in the 20s? I mean, pro football was just starting out so it isn't really surprising there but baseball attendance figures look horrible, in hindsight. I'd like to live in a society where I was weird for liking sports too much rather than this one where I am just an average to below-average fan. Play Steve Slaton and Andre Johnson but I'm iffy on Schaub for this one.
Detroit at Green Bay - Boy, I'd like to pick the Lions here. Just for Daunte Culpepper's sake. I like Daunte. I think he gets a bum wrap in the league and I would love to see him resurrect his career. MegaTron is out for this one, so don't start him. Kevin Smith migt be okay for the Lions but you shouldn't really play any of the Lions. Aaron Rodgers is probably a safe play and I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is the game where Greg Jennings has his first good game of the year. Ryan Grant will be good here. I don't quite trust the Green Bay 'D' here but it could be a huge day for them, too.
Baltimore at Minnesota - This is a letdown game no matter what happens. I'm picking the Ravens because they have some serious motivation right here. Ed Reed and Ray Lewis have to make the Ravens defense worthwhile. What happened that Cad Benson got through for a huge game? That guy has always been terrible. I've been way off all year when I say things like this but I'm willing to bet that last week was aberrational for the Ravens. Go Balmer! Ray Rice will be OK. Flacco will get some good numbers. Adrian Peterson will be OK but not as good as Benson was. Ouch. Bernard Berrian and Visanthe Shiancoe should be good plays. I won't bother with the other guy. Make your own call.
NY Giants at New Orleans - I'm playing the Saints defense, Marques Colston, Pierre Thomas and Drew Brees. The Giants QB situation is a little uneasy to me. Brandon Jacobs should be alright. At least one Giants WR will be good this week but I'm not going to say which one. I hope it's Manningham.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh - Terrible looking game. Pittsburgh should win by 30. Mendenhall for president. Big Rape willhave good efficiency numbers but might not throw so many passes this week. I know Pittsburgh throws a lot. Big deal. They don't have to throw a lot. I don't know if they're stupid or not, but they really shouldn't throw much here. Don't start any Browns until further notice.
Carolina at Tampa Bay - Josh Johnson deserves a great game. He looks good to me but this Bucs team is awful. KII should be a great play this week and so should both Carolina running backs. Steve Smith might get back to normal production here and Delhomme might trick some people into picking him up on Sunday night. Bucs RBs should be a good play but I am unsold on all of them at this point. Good matchup, meet bad roster.
Kansas City at Washington - I am aghast at myself for picking K.C. I bet Portis and Cooley are OK in this game. Santana Moss will be OK. Either QB is dicey under the best of circumstances. These are the best circumstances. Either one is OK as an emergency start but that's all. I wish the Chiefs would stick with Jamaal Charles. He's a better player than Larry Johnson. Dwayne, not Derrick, Bowe should have decent numbers.
St. Louis at Jacksonville - People are giving Jacksonville a lot of grief over their meltdown last week. The team deserves it but I've seen people picking St. Louis in this game. I can't entertain that possibility just yet but Marc Bulger might become decent again. SJax sucks but is still top 25 in the league at RB. Donnie Avery is good. I think he would fit nicely in Miami. But he won't get there. He'll stay in St. Louis. Start Garrard, MJD and Sims-Walker if you've got 'em.
Arizona at Seattle - It seems very kind of the NFL to schedule this game for October instead of December. I think Denver, Seattle and Green Bay should be home for most of Nov. and Dec. Snow is good for football. Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Breaston and Anquan Boldin will all be decent. If Todd Wade would quit dicking around with it and just let go, Beanie Wells would be a good play here, too. Jon Carlson and Hasselback will be pssable. Nate Burleson should be legitimately good. Tim Hightower is tough to count on but he could break out here. Play Kurt Warner if you have him.
Philadelphia at Oakland - Any Philly player you have should play this week. Remember how bad Oakland looked last week in their game last week? Jamarcus Russell actually had his best stat line of the year. The Eagles will win this one by a lot. Don't start any Raiders.
Tennessee at New England - Eventually the Titans will win. Tom Brady and whatever receiver he likes this week will be good. I'll say Welker AND Moss but it could be Edelman. Don't ever start Kerry Collins but LenDale White and Chris Johnson should be OK. I will keep picking the Titans until they win.
Buffalo at NY Jets - Wow, Buffalo has been terrible and getting worse. When is the trade deadline again? If T.O. doesn't get traded he will be bad again this week. Leon Washington and Dustin Keller will get you some points. So will the Jets 'D'. Don't play anyone on Buffalo until they do something.
Chicago at Atlanta - These two teams are overrated. I'd play Matt Forte and Michael Turner without thinking about it. Roddy White will be fine. Kyle Orton, though? I don't trust him. More than anything I just don't trust Chicago's defense. So Matt Ryan will be good in my memories of the future. Tony Gonzalez gets the start until he retires.
MON, OCT 19
Denver at San Diego - Just picking Denver in the hopes Norv gets fired. Tony Scheffler is supposed to have a good matchup. I'd start Denver's defense if I had them. San Diego doesn't look so good to me this year. I've got nothing to add. Moreno might have another decent game and Brandon Marshall should be automatic for you by now. Same goes for Gates. But I don't want to see or hear anything about this game. So that's all.
Last week I got a lot of things wrong. I called Dwayne Bowe "Derrick", for instance. I picked the Bills to win. I thought Cedric Benson would start to suck again. I went 8-6. Just picking winners. That's not very good. The NFL makes less and less sense to me as I get older. In high school this would have been entirely unacceptable. I actually made a point of saying not to play Braylon Edwards last week. How far off was I on that one? I did at least get this down on paper about the Pats-Broncos game (I picked Broncos by a field goal, btw, so it wasn't all bad for me): "This game will be dull and worthless with some fake-seeming "thrilling" ending to make it seem like you missed out if you didn't watch it." So you've seen my bonafides now, your can trust me, right?
SUNDAY, OCT. 18th
Houston at Cincinnati - I'm iffy on this. I don't trust the Texans and the Bengals are at home. Carson Palmer should throw for close to 400 yds. Benson should run for 150, which means he will NOW revert to form. I think Cincy's defense is legit but how much is homefield advantage worth when you can't really sell out the stadium? Did you know that nobody sold out any games at all in the 20s? I mean, pro football was just starting out so it isn't really surprising there but baseball attendance figures look horrible, in hindsight. I'd like to live in a society where I was weird for liking sports too much rather than this one where I am just an average to below-average fan. Play Steve Slaton and Andre Johnson but I'm iffy on Schaub for this one.
Detroit at Green Bay - Boy, I'd like to pick the Lions here. Just for Daunte Culpepper's sake. I like Daunte. I think he gets a bum wrap in the league and I would love to see him resurrect his career. MegaTron is out for this one, so don't start him. Kevin Smith migt be okay for the Lions but you shouldn't really play any of the Lions. Aaron Rodgers is probably a safe play and I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is the game where Greg Jennings has his first good game of the year. Ryan Grant will be good here. I don't quite trust the Green Bay 'D' here but it could be a huge day for them, too.
Baltimore at Minnesota - This is a letdown game no matter what happens. I'm picking the Ravens because they have some serious motivation right here. Ed Reed and Ray Lewis have to make the Ravens defense worthwhile. What happened that Cad Benson got through for a huge game? That guy has always been terrible. I've been way off all year when I say things like this but I'm willing to bet that last week was aberrational for the Ravens. Go Balmer! Ray Rice will be OK. Flacco will get some good numbers. Adrian Peterson will be OK but not as good as Benson was. Ouch. Bernard Berrian and Visanthe Shiancoe should be good plays. I won't bother with the other guy. Make your own call.
NY Giants at New Orleans - I'm playing the Saints defense, Marques Colston, Pierre Thomas and Drew Brees. The Giants QB situation is a little uneasy to me. Brandon Jacobs should be alright. At least one Giants WR will be good this week but I'm not going to say which one. I hope it's Manningham.
Cleveland at Pittsburgh - Terrible looking game. Pittsburgh should win by 30. Mendenhall for president. Big Rape willhave good efficiency numbers but might not throw so many passes this week. I know Pittsburgh throws a lot. Big deal. They don't have to throw a lot. I don't know if they're stupid or not, but they really shouldn't throw much here. Don't start any Browns until further notice.
Carolina at Tampa Bay - Josh Johnson deserves a great game. He looks good to me but this Bucs team is awful. KII should be a great play this week and so should both Carolina running backs. Steve Smith might get back to normal production here and Delhomme might trick some people into picking him up on Sunday night. Bucs RBs should be a good play but I am unsold on all of them at this point. Good matchup, meet bad roster.
Kansas City at Washington - I am aghast at myself for picking K.C. I bet Portis and Cooley are OK in this game. Santana Moss will be OK. Either QB is dicey under the best of circumstances. These are the best circumstances. Either one is OK as an emergency start but that's all. I wish the Chiefs would stick with Jamaal Charles. He's a better player than Larry Johnson. Dwayne, not Derrick, Bowe should have decent numbers.
St. Louis at Jacksonville - People are giving Jacksonville a lot of grief over their meltdown last week. The team deserves it but I've seen people picking St. Louis in this game. I can't entertain that possibility just yet but Marc Bulger might become decent again. SJax sucks but is still top 25 in the league at RB. Donnie Avery is good. I think he would fit nicely in Miami. But he won't get there. He'll stay in St. Louis. Start Garrard, MJD and Sims-Walker if you've got 'em.
Arizona at Seattle - It seems very kind of the NFL to schedule this game for October instead of December. I think Denver, Seattle and Green Bay should be home for most of Nov. and Dec. Snow is good for football. Larry Fitzgerald, Steve Breaston and Anquan Boldin will all be decent. If Todd Wade would quit dicking around with it and just let go, Beanie Wells would be a good play here, too. Jon Carlson and Hasselback will be pssable. Nate Burleson should be legitimately good. Tim Hightower is tough to count on but he could break out here. Play Kurt Warner if you have him.
Philadelphia at Oakland - Any Philly player you have should play this week. Remember how bad Oakland looked last week in their game last week? Jamarcus Russell actually had his best stat line of the year. The Eagles will win this one by a lot. Don't start any Raiders.
Tennessee at New England - Eventually the Titans will win. Tom Brady and whatever receiver he likes this week will be good. I'll say Welker AND Moss but it could be Edelman. Don't ever start Kerry Collins but LenDale White and Chris Johnson should be OK. I will keep picking the Titans until they win.
Buffalo at NY Jets - Wow, Buffalo has been terrible and getting worse. When is the trade deadline again? If T.O. doesn't get traded he will be bad again this week. Leon Washington and Dustin Keller will get you some points. So will the Jets 'D'. Don't play anyone on Buffalo until they do something.
Chicago at Atlanta - These two teams are overrated. I'd play Matt Forte and Michael Turner without thinking about it. Roddy White will be fine. Kyle Orton, though? I don't trust him. More than anything I just don't trust Chicago's defense. So Matt Ryan will be good in my memories of the future. Tony Gonzalez gets the start until he retires.
MON, OCT 19
Denver at San Diego - Just picking Denver in the hopes Norv gets fired. Tony Scheffler is supposed to have a good matchup. I'd start Denver's defense if I had them. San Diego doesn't look so good to me this year. I've got nothing to add. Moreno might have another decent game and Brandon Marshall should be automatic for you by now. Same goes for Gates. But I don't want to see or hear anything about this game. So that's all.
Something In Me Cries For You...
Wow, work, me and you don't get along the way we used to. Why don't you want to hang out anymore? I worry that you have gone away forever and soon my car and my computer will be repossessed, as well. I hope like crazy I can figure something out soon but I wish you would have left me in much better shape. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to the Showbiz Expo tomorrow to see if work exists there. I think it will be rows and rows of people trying to sell me video editing services and "creative live/work" spaces but maybe somebody from Universal's distribution dept is hanging around looking for that Sales Trainee. I can't comprehend that I'm less than a top 1 percrentile candidate for that job but I have no idea how to write a resume or cover letter anymore. I'm doomed. L.A. Film didn't even interview me after I asked the president of the damn school to put in a word for me. I don't like anybody anymore and I'm going to die of starvation in the not so distant future. The first guess that gets the title and original recording artist of the song I quoted in the title gets to give me $1000.
Heisman dance
I should have written this earlier, before the Jesus Lizard concert, before I was ready to sleep. I am not thinking about college football right now but I set myself a goal and I'm going to live up to this one. These are the guys I think should win the Heisman. The guys I would vote for. I don't have a lot to add this week. Maybe I will after Saturday' games? Nobody looked great to me in the last 7 days. The Cincinatti v. USF game already happened and Tony Pike got hurt. He didn't look like a front runner before that but if UC had won the game 34-17 with him back there the whole time? I would have put him up to #2. I've got a new #1 this week as much out of defiance as out of belief. I can't keep flogging for Jimmy Clausen when I don't expect him to hold it together for two more days. So here's the updated list of how I would vote if I could:
1) Terrence "Mt." Cody, DT, Alabama - Yeah, I sticking with this one. 'Bama is the best team in the country right now and it is, in large part, because of this big motherfucker. He's the best player in the country. I know all about Suh and Tebow and Colt McCoy. I've seen Jake Locker and Tony Pike. I know ESPN decided this week that Mark Ingram is "in the conversation" now. And I know some people are starting to talk more about the LBs and DBs behind Mt. Cody than they are talking about the big man. But I've watched 'Bama this year. I watched them last year. Everything they do great on defense is because this guy eats up the middle of the field. I'm sorry to fall into football cliche, but this guy effectively wipes out at least two blockers on every play he's in the game. He will not pile up sacks like USF's Defensive Ends but he doesn't need to. Everybody else gets to look awesome because they are running around unblocked for the Tide. I'm sticking with it. This is the best player in the country.
2) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - This is the best offensive player in the nation so far. But I'm expecting USC to destroy Notre Dame. Clausen will probably actually be OK. But he will also be a bit exposed. He might still be a contender afterwards. That makes me think I don't trust him as much as I should if I'm going to rank him #1.
3) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - Gay Jesus has not been fun to watch this year. I feel like it's cheating for him to beat Herschel Walker's TD record because of the extra games he's played and the inclusion of bowl statistics in career records now. But then I remember he's a fucking quarterback who averages more than 1 rushing TD per game and I think, "Maybe this is actually a lot more impressive than Walker." Understand that Herschel Walker is one of my favorite athletes of all time and I don't really love Tebow. I always liked watching Percy (still do) and just kind of accepted that Tebow is the star. I'm not as sold on that as I have been in the past. Percy is the best player to go through UF's program since Emmitt Smith. But Tebow has some kind of effect on his team that I've never seen before. It's like his teammates are trying to not let him down more than they're even playing for themselves. And Florida is really fucking good.
4) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - This running back, at the other FSU (even though they're really CSUF), is awesome. I wish more people would watch a Fresno game. He is worth it all by himself.
5) Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - This is a little bit of projection and a little bit of ignoring what anybody who doesn't watch Big East football has to say about Big East football. Watch some of the games in this conference when you have the chance. You'll have the chance because they (Big East teams) play all kinds of oddly scheduled national TV games. The Big East is probably legitimately the second best conference in the country, top-to-bottom. Better than the Big 12 and the Pac 10 and, most definitely, the Big 10. The ACC has only two good teams so just forget about them for now. Noel Devine pops off the screen like one of those stupid commercials for whatever "new" HD technology is in a certain TV or cable/satellite receiver. Devine looks like he's twice as fast as anybody on the field at all times. And the Big East is loaded with good athletes. Just wait 'til the Big East goes undefeated in bowl games this year. The thing I'm trying to get across here is that Noel Devine makes a lot of really great college players look like they're slow enough to start in the Big 10. And he's got moves. And he doesn't fumble. He's Warrick Dunn but faster. And Warrick Dunn was really fucking fast. I'm not bringing numbers into the discussion. My voting is based on what I see. Noel Devine is my favorite player in college football and will probably end up higher on this list as the year progresses.
Other names:
Todd Reesing, QB, Kansas - I meant to put him in the Top 5, I really did. You know who was the one I waffled over the most? Tebow. That's not logical because I have Tebow #3. But I don't like watching him play. I don't love watching Kansas play, either, but the Big 12 has (as I've previously mentioned) a tendency to run up the score as much as possible. So Reesing is involved in lots of fun/funny moments by virtue of his team passing constantly. But I can't bring myself to say Reesing is the better player. I don't believe in Reesing that much.
Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Ah, Jacory, where will this end up? I'd like to believe that you are Kenny Dorsey's black ghost. And that would mean a 1 loss team that gets jobbed out of the chance to play for a national title this year, your sophomore year. Does that mean a fight with the Gators on Bourbon Street before you guys blow the doors off the UF boys on the field? But I don't get quite that good of a feeling about this team. The Canes are the fastest team in the country overall (UF's offense is faster than Miami's offense) but they aren't quite dominating. Jacory threw 2 picks against obviously inferior opposition last week and I feel Whiplash when he says the offense is not running all that smoothly just yet. Jacory is the calm in the eye of the Hurricanes (drrr...) and they should get through to the bowls with only two losses. I remain optimistic that Jacory can mimic Dorsey's junior year and win a national title.
Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida - Fucking awesome.
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - Sure, why not? He's pretty great but I stand by my assessment that he and Trent Richardson are interchangeable parts.
Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Soft tosser! He is going to end up winning the award, just watch, but it doesn't mean he's great. Eric Crouch won the award and he wasn't even good in college. He's not the best player on UT but all the great players on the team divide up the big plays so much that the QB ends up being involved in way more than anyone else. UT-Austin is absolutely loaded for Big 12 football. They're overrated, though, and will get rolled over by UF if that's the title game. Cincinnati, USC, Virginia Tech, and Alabama could hang with them, too.
That's all I'm doing. Fuck Jordan Shipley. Ryan Williams, Case Keenum, Golden Tate and Ndamukong Suh all deserved write-ups but it's 2 in the morning and I don't care that much.
1) Terrence "Mt." Cody, DT, Alabama - Yeah, I sticking with this one. 'Bama is the best team in the country right now and it is, in large part, because of this big motherfucker. He's the best player in the country. I know all about Suh and Tebow and Colt McCoy. I've seen Jake Locker and Tony Pike. I know ESPN decided this week that Mark Ingram is "in the conversation" now. And I know some people are starting to talk more about the LBs and DBs behind Mt. Cody than they are talking about the big man. But I've watched 'Bama this year. I watched them last year. Everything they do great on defense is because this guy eats up the middle of the field. I'm sorry to fall into football cliche, but this guy effectively wipes out at least two blockers on every play he's in the game. He will not pile up sacks like USF's Defensive Ends but he doesn't need to. Everybody else gets to look awesome because they are running around unblocked for the Tide. I'm sticking with it. This is the best player in the country.
2) Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame - This is the best offensive player in the nation so far. But I'm expecting USC to destroy Notre Dame. Clausen will probably actually be OK. But he will also be a bit exposed. He might still be a contender afterwards. That makes me think I don't trust him as much as I should if I'm going to rank him #1.
3) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida - Gay Jesus has not been fun to watch this year. I feel like it's cheating for him to beat Herschel Walker's TD record because of the extra games he's played and the inclusion of bowl statistics in career records now. But then I remember he's a fucking quarterback who averages more than 1 rushing TD per game and I think, "Maybe this is actually a lot more impressive than Walker." Understand that Herschel Walker is one of my favorite athletes of all time and I don't really love Tebow. I always liked watching Percy (still do) and just kind of accepted that Tebow is the star. I'm not as sold on that as I have been in the past. Percy is the best player to go through UF's program since Emmitt Smith. But Tebow has some kind of effect on his team that I've never seen before. It's like his teammates are trying to not let him down more than they're even playing for themselves. And Florida is really fucking good.
4) Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno State - This running back, at the other FSU (even though they're really CSUF), is awesome. I wish more people would watch a Fresno game. He is worth it all by himself.
5) Noel Devine, RB, West Virginia - This is a little bit of projection and a little bit of ignoring what anybody who doesn't watch Big East football has to say about Big East football. Watch some of the games in this conference when you have the chance. You'll have the chance because they (Big East teams) play all kinds of oddly scheduled national TV games. The Big East is probably legitimately the second best conference in the country, top-to-bottom. Better than the Big 12 and the Pac 10 and, most definitely, the Big 10. The ACC has only two good teams so just forget about them for now. Noel Devine pops off the screen like one of those stupid commercials for whatever "new" HD technology is in a certain TV or cable/satellite receiver. Devine looks like he's twice as fast as anybody on the field at all times. And the Big East is loaded with good athletes. Just wait 'til the Big East goes undefeated in bowl games this year. The thing I'm trying to get across here is that Noel Devine makes a lot of really great college players look like they're slow enough to start in the Big 10. And he's got moves. And he doesn't fumble. He's Warrick Dunn but faster. And Warrick Dunn was really fucking fast. I'm not bringing numbers into the discussion. My voting is based on what I see. Noel Devine is my favorite player in college football and will probably end up higher on this list as the year progresses.
Other names:
Todd Reesing, QB, Kansas - I meant to put him in the Top 5, I really did. You know who was the one I waffled over the most? Tebow. That's not logical because I have Tebow #3. But I don't like watching him play. I don't love watching Kansas play, either, but the Big 12 has (as I've previously mentioned) a tendency to run up the score as much as possible. So Reesing is involved in lots of fun/funny moments by virtue of his team passing constantly. But I can't bring myself to say Reesing is the better player. I don't believe in Reesing that much.
Jacory Harris, QB, Miami - Ah, Jacory, where will this end up? I'd like to believe that you are Kenny Dorsey's black ghost. And that would mean a 1 loss team that gets jobbed out of the chance to play for a national title this year, your sophomore year. Does that mean a fight with the Gators on Bourbon Street before you guys blow the doors off the UF boys on the field? But I don't get quite that good of a feeling about this team. The Canes are the fastest team in the country overall (UF's offense is faster than Miami's offense) but they aren't quite dominating. Jacory threw 2 picks against obviously inferior opposition last week and I feel Whiplash when he says the offense is not running all that smoothly just yet. Jacory is the calm in the eye of the Hurricanes (drrr...) and they should get through to the bowls with only two losses. I remain optimistic that Jacory can mimic Dorsey's junior year and win a national title.
Brandon Spikes, LB, Florida - Fucking awesome.
Mark Ingram, RB, Alabama - Sure, why not? He's pretty great but I stand by my assessment that he and Trent Richardson are interchangeable parts.
Colt McCoy, QB, Texas - Soft tosser! He is going to end up winning the award, just watch, but it doesn't mean he's great. Eric Crouch won the award and he wasn't even good in college. He's not the best player on UT but all the great players on the team divide up the big plays so much that the QB ends up being involved in way more than anyone else. UT-Austin is absolutely loaded for Big 12 football. They're overrated, though, and will get rolled over by UF if that's the title game. Cincinnati, USC, Virginia Tech, and Alabama could hang with them, too.
That's all I'm doing. Fuck Jordan Shipley. Ryan Williams, Case Keenum, Golden Tate and Ndamukong Suh all deserved write-ups but it's 2 in the morning and I don't care that much.
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